Bihari Shabab

Bihari Shabab Is Back! And We're Going To The Rally!

2010-10-30T09:52:00.000-04:00

When we left the blogosphere several months ago we said to ourselves that the only thing that could bring us back to the corrupting influence of a highly influential blog was a Jon Stewart/Steven Colbert rally held at the National Mall....Well, we're back baby! Now we can't promise that we're going to post but we are going to be tweeting Hello again friends! Now you may say "oh no, not this time buddy. I've been down this road too many times, you've broken my heart for the last time Bihari Shabab." To which we say, we understand and apologize and promise to be better about posting.

We will be at the rally today so come by and say hi.

Follow us on our new twitter handle: twitter.com/biharishabab

SRK is on the terrorist watch list

2010-02-11T00:52:00.003-05:00

Inexplicable global icon, Shah Rukh Khan is in the news again for the racist treatment he receives from aviation athorities in the western world. If you recall, last year SRK was detained for two hours, TWO HOURS! at Newark Liberty Airport. If you don't recall, I'll let Jon Stewart and Asif Mandvii refresh your memory.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Shah Rukh Khan Detained at Newark

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
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Health Care Crisis

I, like any other Desi, was outraged! SRK!?! he's a national hero! Sure the US denied he was detained but that was George Bush's America things were different then. However, I'm beginning to get a little suspicious now that his full body scan was allegedly printed and posted on the internet. The reason I'm a little incredulous is his movie is being released in a week and once again the airport denies it.

So in summation, SRK is a liar and a cheat and he can't play basketball. Also he's got nothing to hide, we, at BihariShabab, already saw his "goods" and now can't look him in the eye, thanks a lot youtube.

Wait, I'm not done. Not gonna lie, but when I hear about racial profiling at the borders or at airports I kind of feel left out. I mean, I'm a Muslim, brown, young, strikingly handsome, and I have a beard but nothing. Not even a "sir can you step out of line please". I'm not asking for a cavity search just a little bit of a delay so I can build up some outrage. When is it going to be my turn!?!

Aaaand We are Back...

2010-02-03T08:59:00.017-05:00

Hello there friends. How's it going? Aur sunaao, Mummy / Papa subh teek taak? So Fahad and I decided the one thing missing from our lives was blogging for copious amounts of hours during the day just so we would have no readers. We lead a pretty irrelevant life as it is, but miss being irrelevant on a level that can be proven by numbers (pageviews / comments).

Luckily for us, the most important thing to ever happen to the sport of cricket took place last week, so we have something to talk about.

Shahid Afridi bit into a cricket ball.

Now we're not exactly Cricket aficionados here at Bihari Shabab but apparently this is a huge disgrace of some sort. My brother was up in arms in about this all week. But since he's not here, we're going to substitute this gentleman,whose reaction I found on Youtube, for him. He accurately captures the disgust and disappointment but doesn't go off into a murderous rage. Not to mention he has, Ma'Shallah, one of the top 3 most glorious beards on the web and deep, soulfully, kind eyes. I implore you to watch the entire thing, because the ending is fantastic.

Wasn't that great? So that's the most important news story in the world right now. Afridi bit into a ball and brought shame upon all of Pakistan. Or not, I don't know, back off me.

As you can tell we're trying to learn how to ride this bike again or some other fitting metaphor here. We appreciate you bearing with us as we figure out which way to go. I can promise that we will post more frequently so please do come back every 6 months or so and do not be afraid to comment. A shout out to Afza Joher for convincing me to get off my ass.

Thankyouverymuch.

I'm Never Buying Another Pair Of Jordans Again....Unless They Look Really Really Good

2009-10-22T00:52:00.000-04:00

The above video is of underrated rapper, Chamillionaire, telling a story of an unpleasant encounter he had with Michael Jordan. I have a cousin who knew this one lady who's kid loved Michael so she drove all the way out to Chicago from DC for a picture and an autograph. She stopped by his restaurant and saw him there and he punched her in the face and stole her purse. True story...Well maybe not, I'm a little hazy on the details, but she was treated poorly by His Airness. It's strange because most athletes become more revered after they retire, you tend to forget all the terrible things they did (unless you're talking about Rae Carruth, although he was pretty good that one year....) but Jordan is just getting eviscerated by the media which is stunning because he was one of the most beloved athletes ever only a decade ago. I'm predicting that Jordan gets into some serious gambling debt and due to his huge alimony payments to Juanita he does something crazy and is the next O.J. Simpson. When it happens, remember that I called it.

Raj Rajaratnam's Gonna Get-a Hurt Real Bad!

2009-10-17T11:12:00.004-04:00

That's such a sweet picture, if that was me it'd be my new facebook photo.

This is to spite you Raheel.....

Raj Rajaratnam is a portfolio manager for the Galleon Group, one of the largest hedge funds in the country, as well as one of the richest men in America. He's also accused of insider trading.

Rajaratnam is accused with 7 others of generating $25 million in profit by using insider information to trade securities in several companies including Google. This is illegal. His bail is set at $100 million which seems excessive until you realize that he's the 599th richest person in America according to Forbes with an estimated net worth of $1.3 billion. To put this into perspective for you; 1.3 billion American Dollars is equivalent to 23,140,208,000,000 Vietnamese Dongs. You don't need me to tell you that that's a lot of Dongs. Not only is Rajaratnam accused of insider trading but he's also under investigation for bankrolling the Tamil Tigers, the notorious Sri Lankan softball team, through a fake charity organization.

Adding a bit of international flavor to these affairs is U.S. attorney Preet Bharara who called Rajaratnam a race traitor and said, "greed is not good, this case should be a wake up call for Wall Street." Just some words to live by from Bharararararararara-ji.

As an aside...I can't quit you Biharishabab!

The Jabawockeez Are Better

2009-06-03T08:48:00.000-04:00

Here is the video of Diversity's final performance. If you don't know and just about 10 minutes ago I didn't, Diversity is the dance crew that won Britain's Got Talent, beating out Susan Boyle who sang that song and it was all great and everyone cried and blah blah blah talent shows suck. If it's talent you're looking for I think the only place to find it is on Star Search, what other talent show gave us Justin Randall Timberlake? He may have lost on Star Search, but he won the heart of girls...around the world! Anyways, Diversity was pretty average, you know, for a superstar dance crew. Give me Jabawockeez any day. Hell, I'll even take Shaqawockeez.

Needs More Vocoder

2009-06-01T10:00:00.000-04:00

Yo Son, It'S dJ kIlLaFaM gIvInG yOu ThE nEwEsT hItS aNd RiGhT nOw I gOt FoR yA'lL aN EXCLUSIVE 'sclusive 'sclusive 'sclusive 'sclusive fRoM mY bOyS tHe YoUnG CoNs RePpIn' JeSuS ChRiSt aNd RePuBlIcAn DuDeS...ShOuT oUt To ThE sTrEeTs It'S tHe YoUnG CoNs, Ya'heARd?

What if that's how I really was? The above video as you may have deciphered is of a douchetastic new hip-hop group; The Young Cons. Don't be fooled, the con is short for conservative, they are guilty of no crime but I'm guessing you can attribute at least 3 date rapes to these two fellows but I suppose that's less of a crime and more of a conflict of interest. My favorite part is the subliminal message at 45 seconds (mainly because I didn't want to watch the entire thing a second time) who wouldn't want to support life if it wears a santa hat!?!

Props to Ainy for the link, Respec!

Child Abuse At Its Most Adorable

2009-05-21T19:49:00.003-04:00

On the one hand this video is hilarious to me because, I mean just watch it...it's a grown man beating two toddlers up...wait, that's why it's horrific to me...I guess it's hilarious because of the sound effects? I don't know why it's hilarious but the kid in the middle needs to hit the gym or something because he got his ass handed to him at the 20 second mark. Also please stick around for the head trauma that occurs at the 35 second mark. You know what watch all of it and let me know if I'm supposed to be outraged because I don't even know how to feel about this.

Ajay Bhatt is a Big Deal

2009-05-18T11:51:00.000-04:00

This is a great intel commercial I always see on ESPN when I'm watching Sportscenter. It stars Ajay Bhatt who invented USB which is pretty impressive. The dean of the Computer Engineering department at my school was one of the inventors of Java (the programming language not the country/coffee) and the Indian students are all dying to blow him. He's like their LeBron.

Baby Just Say...Yes.

2009-05-11T09:53:00.003-04:00

"This is Love story plus Viva La Vida with piano cello and percussion. I enjoy it because I'm a giant faggot who legitimately enjoys Taylor Swift's music & you know I'm serious because she's not even hot." - Fahad Masood.

The NBA, It's Faaaaaantaaaaastic

2009-05-07T10:28:00.000-04:00

I love the NBA commercials, I especially like this one from the Cavaliers because I'm easily impressed, however I think I found my new favorite NBA commercial. It stars Jeff Foster of the Indiana Pacers and it's phenomenal.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

2009-05-05T08:00:00.002-04:00

The most dangerous man in the world

Hector Reynosa, defender for the Mexican soccer league's Chivas Chupacabras was suspended indefinitely for an "inappropriate celebration" which involved him pretending to cough and spit in his Argentinian opponent's face, a reference to the swine flu pandemic for which Mexico City (more like Mexico Shitty!!!) is ground zero. I want to take this moment to applaud Senor Reynosa for his wit and creativity but could you imagine if a Mexican spit and coughed on you?!?! I mean even before this H1N1 visa business it would've been a little disconcerting but afterwards it's downright terrifying. I'm pretty sure being trapped in a room with a Mexican with the sniffles is something that belongs in the Saw series.

CNN Sheds Light on Pakistan's Red Light District / Claims the Lives of A Thousand Innocent Erections

2009-05-04T15:36:00.011-04:00

CNN.com did a piece on Pakistan's Heera Mundi recently that focuses on Artist Iqbal Hussain, whose paintings featured sex workers. It is a fascinating, short piece that you should read but won't so I am embedding the video here. Hussain's point of view is an interesting one as he grew up in the shadows of the Heera Mandi (his mother was a prostitute who died last month at 98, so I guess she showed chlamydia what's what).

It does however ruin any Madhuri in Devdas fantasies you pervs may have had. It seems it's not all item numbers in designer corsets but more like venereal diseases and lots of empty meaningless interactions. I think Saroj Khan and Sanjay Leela Bansali owe us all an apology as well as a refund for the one way ticket to Lahore in the middle of peak season one may or may not have purchased after watching the Ishq Kameena video on youtube last week. Uncle Amresh Puri sat through approximately 1700 Mujrah scenes in his career but never did we hear the phrase "hot, sweaty rat-infested rooms". This is disappointing. Dammit desi prostitutes, why do you insist on not fitting in my box of uninformed delusions.

Check out the article here.

Welcome My Darling

2009-04-29T20:30:00.005-04:00

If you decide to watch the video above be prepared to sit through the five most uncomfortable minutes of your life. What was the direction for this video? "Ladies and what I believe is a gentleman, you guys are sexy enough but something's missing. I know! Get them sneakers!" Is this what passes for a video honey in Swat? So many questions.
The dance moves are nice though. I like the "bend over real fast to throw hair in your face then spin" move, it's actually what made Raheel fall for me....um....this is why we don't blog anymore!

Oh and a confused thank you to Ainy for the link...why?

*Citation Needed

2009-03-27T10:00:00.000-04:00

The above video has been making the rounds on the innernets primarily by linking it in your Facebook status and it is pretty nice but really, what are your sources? Are we now allowed to say whatever we want provided we set it to a catchy tune? La Deee Daaaa Sepia Mutiny is garbage Na Na NAAAAAAAA.

Japan>Everyone

2009-03-25T23:18:00.003-04:00

Above you'll find my new favorite show (sorry "Dhani Tackles The Globe") Call Cat Sh!t One, or in the United States; "Apocalypse Meow."Seriously. It's about....well I don't know what it's about because I don't read comic books or whatever this is all based on. HOWEVAH! I hope it's a lot like the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan only with fluffy animals. FINGERS CROSSED!

Alligators Have Fur?

2009-03-24T21:40:00.003-04:00

The Ying Yang Twins had a cribs episode a couple of years back that I actually remember watching and wondering if the Ying Yang Twins were functionally retarded. The video above is a translation of that cribs episode and it's absolutely brilliant. It also answers a lot of questions. Enjoy.

What's Going On?

2009-03-23T20:35:00.002-04:00

Raheel!

So I guess we should explain ourselves for our lack of posts the past 2-3 months. Honestly it just boils down to us being busy. Creatively Raheel and I are trying to find who we are. Raheel hasn't posted in such a long time because he's been chosen to be a part of the reality show "Dance India, Dance" (above) and I have to say he's really got a gift, he's so nimble! I've been busy with my burgeoning athletic career as pointguard for Team Slumdog. Raheel and I have also been experimenting with our music and I think we're really close to our big break, I think 2009 is going to be a big year for "MadherChore and the MilfHunters". We're a pretty eclectic group, kind of like OutKast meets The Monkees meets Pussycat Dolls (I'm Nicole) meets Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan meets Bombay Vikings. But none of that excuses the fact that we've neglected all 19 of you who read this fine blog. We'll try our gosh darndest to do a better job of giving you whatever it is this site gives you. Seriously, we will try to post regularly and often. We'll also try to hone our skills and give you a better site to visit when you don't feel like doing something productive. Seriously, mazak ki elawa, we're going to try to do better.

I See Your Point

2009-03-04T12:39:00.005-05:00

12 attackers besieged the convoy for 25 minutes and all 12 got away.

I've been hearing that there are some readers that took exception with the way I wrote about the Lahore situation. After re-reading the post I understand why you would feel that I was disrespectful about the situation and I probably should've edited it however I think that post was more for me than for you. The whole situation is intensely frustrating for me as a Pakistani. The shock and horror wore off quite quickly and a depression and indifference took over. The situation always gets worse and the government always ignores it. The Mariott Hotel bombing was supposed to be "the Pakistani 9/11" and Zardari and the rest of the government said "we'll catch the cowardly terrorists behind these acts" and everyone forgot about it. Then Mumbai happened and shocked everyone, I personally was concerned because of the risk of Hindu-Muslim riots which would've been disastrous but thank God that didn't happen (that is also one of the reasons why I treated it more seriously). But Mumbai happened and they started blaming the ISI and Pakistan and Pakistanis started getting angry that they were under attack because their government for some reason couldn't admit to the fact that some terrorists are born in Pakistan, that Pakistan has a problem with terrorism. And still, this situation had the opportunity to be a catalyst for change. Maybe finally after an attack on national heroes the Pakistani people would finally show anger towards the Taleban, Lashkar e Tayyiba, and the inability of the government to do anything about it. But now it seems like that's not going to be the case since there are already people blaming Indian intelligence and the Tamil Tigers. It's frustrating to me as a Muslim when other Muslims can't condemn the Taleban or Lashkar e Tayyiba or yes even Hamas because "they do good too." Just because you build tents for displaced earthquake victims or hand out food packages to your people doesn't erase the fact that you destroy families when you take the lives of innocent men, women, and children. The entire situation is immensely disappointing when the leader of Pakistan doesn't even address the people of Pakistan directly but instead leaves a prepared message to be released to the press; "we'll catch the cowardly terrorists behind these attacks." The ineffectiveness of this government would be comical if the leaders weren't a reflection of the people. So I'm sorry that I couldn't treat the situation with the importance that it deserved. Of course it's a big deal but I seriously doubt that it changes anything within Pakistan. I just hope I'm wrong.

AAAAAAND WE'RE BACK!!

2009-03-03T00:47:00.003-05:00

Happier times.

So, this is our first post in a month or so and while I'd love to provide you with more cuddly animal videos (wasn't that porcupine the cutest!) I can't, because Pakistan is worse than ever which is hard to believe because Pakistan has been pretty terrible some times. If you haven't heard some dudes opened fire on the Sri Lankan cricket team marking the end of any international cricket match held within Pakistan forever. So that's fun because cricket sucks. According to the BBC, at least 5 police men were killed and several Sri Lankan cricket players were wounded. Sanath Jayasuriya, the Sri Lankan captain, said that all of his players were doing well but were in a state of shock. In related news, I'm watching "Billu Barber" and Shahrukh Khan just took out a light saber. As more stuff happens we'll keep you posted but probably not because we don't update regularly so the next time we meet will probably be after all of this blows over and more depressing stuff happens in Pakistan because Pakistan wants to be the new Afghanistan because Afghanistan was so nineties.

2009-02-17T23:47:00.001-05:00

Bad Form!

2009-01-21T20:42:00.003-05:00

Bush got booed at Obama's inauguration as he heard Hail to The Chief. He deserved it, if I can boo Alex Smith (49ers QB) for having small hands I should be allowed to boo George Bush whenever I effing feel like it.

One More Reason We'll Miss Bush

2009-01-21T10:00:00.002-05:00

I meant the last post to be George Bush's bid farewell but he was so important in the world for eight years that it's hard to believe that this is the end of our relationship.

Has anyone read the "Bushisms" wikipedia entry? It's funnier than LOLcatz, or Chuck Norris Facts, or Midget Por..umm...or Dane Cook. It's a comedic gold mine, also interesting to not is that he hasn't had that many slip ups, I mean for a president I guess it's not that bad but how many of us have slipped up from time to time and said something embarrassing? Anyways, I'm gonna list them out for you here and you'll laugh and comment and pass it on to your friends because this is a mutual relationship and I need your approval because I've no self esteem. Carry on!

"They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

"This thaw—took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw."—Alexandria, La., Oct. 20, 2008

"Before I arrived in President, During I arrived in President" December 1,2008

"I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me." --Nashville, Tennessee, May 27, 2004

"I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best." --White House, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." 5/5/2000

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

"For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times." --Tokyo, 18 February, 2002

"And they have no disregard for human life."—Describing the brutality of Afghan fighters, Washington, D.C., July 15, 2008

"There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead." --Washington DC, 11 May, 2001

"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorise himself." --Grand Rapids, Michigan, 29 January, 2003

"Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat." --Washington DC, 17 September, 2004

"The best way to defeat this enemy in the long run is to deny them the recruiting tools, that are and-and recruiterments made possible by resentment." --November 2007

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

"I understand small business growth. I was one." New York Daily News, February 19, 2000
"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" --Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

"As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." --George W. Bush, on the No Child Left Behind Act, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2007

"Reading is the basics for all learning." --Reston, Virginia, 28 March, 2000

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." --Townsend, Tennessee, 21 February, 2001

Farewell My King

2009-01-20T10:00:00.002-05:00

George Bush is leaving office today and we want to say goodbye to arguably the worst president in the history of the United States of America. We will do so by posting a few of his most memorable youtube moments to see what we'll miss out on when we have a dignified and professional president in office. To be fair, I got the videos and idea from Time magazine.

Perhaps the most favorable youtube moment for Bush, the "Shoethrower" video displayed his surprising agility. Maybe it's not too surprising, after all Bush was a cheerleading captain at Yale. In related news, the shoethrower is still in jail and looking for asylum in Switzerland because his life's in danger or something, I think it's obvious that he's just trying to get out of Iraq and Visas are hard to come by so why not try throwing a shoe at somebody who's unpopular and hope that you make friends that way? That's how I was able to sit with the cool kids at lunch in the eighth grade.

This video is of George Bush dancing with an African band in the Rose Garden in 2007. It's really uncomfortable and I think at the 22 second mark you can see Laura Bush wonder why she married this man. Similarly at the 22 month mark of his second term I think America asked itself why it elected this guy. Again, and really if he was elected twice was his first term really that terrible? My biggest concern with this clip has to do with the stare Bush gives the drummer as he drums. Is he serving him? (more importantly is that Meagan Goode? Do I have to watch this movie?)

(start watching at 1:00) This clip of George Bush talking to Tony Blair made headlines in 2006 for Bush's use of the word "shit." OOOOH! EMBARRASSING! no, that's not newsworthy to me, he's a grown man let him use the words he wants to use, like "misunderestimated". However, I want to know, did he use irony right? What is ironic about Syria telling Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and then it's over. Where's the irony? Please tell me that a Yale educated man and 2 term president knew how to use irony the right way, I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt because I don't think i could handle it if the president learned irony from Alanis Morissette.

Again with the dancing! Not even a school principal would act like this. It's truly embarrassing to think that this man was in charge of our nation. I don't even mind if he's a fun loving guy, it's nice to have a president you can relate to but there's a certain level of professionalism that is needed as president and shuffling around like a moron doesn't meet that level. I don't believe that Bush is stupid I mean he graduated from Yale that has to count for something regardless of who is daddy is but wow, he's just a terrible dancer. Good thing we have a black president now.

Probably the greatest presidential clip until Clinton's "Secrets of the Oval Office" gets released. This one is of George Bush giving Angela Merkel, Germany's Chancellor (she's like the president of Germany), a nice awkward backrub. The reaction from Merkel is truly priceless not only the grimace but the slamming of the fists afterwards. What was he thinking? He was just walking and decided to give her a backrub? Whatever dude, I respect the president for his forthrightness, I tried that same move and now I have a court date set for March. I think Bush should host "Between Two Ferns" we all know he's not going to be a Jimmy Carter type humanitarian so he'll need something to do and this is that something.

What'd He Do Right?

2009-01-19T10:00:00.000-05:00

I hate Keith Olbermann as much as you do but I couldn't resist posting this clip where he blasts Bush and runs down his many many many many failures in eight minutes. It's a strange thing, Bush was a terrible president but I like to think that he's getting unfair treatment from all the hippy, treehugging, Godless commies but then I can't think of 5 good things he did when he was in office. Anyways enjoy;

Even More Golden Globe Coverage - Because Why Not?

2009-01-15T00:00:00.003-05:00

We've decided to extend our coverage of the Golden Globes because the world has gone Slumdog crazy...and because I needed an excuse to post this clip.

It's AR Rahman, easily the most talented individual in the Indian film industry for the last 20 years, receiving his award on Sunday. A couple of reasons why this clip is so fantastic.

The announcer messes up his name, "AR ROOHmen"...boo. Then hottie Kate Beckinsale says it correctly when she announces the winner, probably because she's an angel but maybe because she can read. Sadly she is uncorrectly corrected later on by David Duchovney who again pronounces it "Roohman." He then downloads porn on his iPhone, because you know he's a sex addict and has an insatiable appetite or so I'm told how it works with those things..... Moving on!

When coming up to the podium, sweet, innocent and adorable AR is conflicted with a dilemma many sweet, innocent, adorable desi men have encountered in the past:

"Should I hug and kiss this white woman?"

AR successfully goes in for a kiss and it looks like he ponders a hug, only to think twice about it undoubtedly because he's worried about what Yeh Log Kya Kahenge and puts his hand down. It's a split second, but if you rewind and watch it back again and again, I think it could make for a hilarious gif. Also if you press pause at he right time, it looks like he's doing something wildly inappropriate with his hand...giggles.

Finally, after AR crosses the treacherous Beckinsale Pass he comes face to face with Sean, P Diddy, Combs. Drawing on the lessons he's just learned from his encounter with the actress, AR decides to eff it and goes for the whole kit n kaboodle. Not only completing a successful multi-step handshake with the rap empresario, and part time douche, but also forcing himself on to him for a hug. What a moment! Jaya hooooo...Jayaa hooooo indeed my friend.

Join us next time as we discuss other life changing events at the Golden Globes i.e:

Hey how about we keep all sharp objects away from Anil Kapoor in the future. He may hurt himself.
Do you think Freida Pinto is into chubby bloggers?
Can we all agree Slumdog is not a Bollywood production. Slumdog is to Bollywood what Valkyrie is to the German film industry (whatever it's called..Mollywood? Berlywood? Das Hollywood?)
And finally, seriously guys, what about like chubby but with a sense of humor? Freida I want to be the Athos to your Porthos...the Heer to your Ranja...the Ram(brand bread) to your Makhan..

Ron Paul; Real Talk

2009-01-14T10:00:00.000-05:00

I don't know much about Ron Paul and I don't feel like reading his wikipedia entry but here he is giving his reasons for opposing a bill that recognizes Israel's right to defend itself and calls for a ceasefire. I like what he says here but I still wouldn't vote for him. I can't take anyone with two first names seriously.

The bastion of insightful dialogue that is the youtube comment boards seem to be all in favor of Ron Paul's (see, I can't say "Paul's" because then you'd be like "who's Paul?" so I need to say his full name and frankly, it's a waste of my time and yours) statements. Pro-Ron Paul commenter "Jehnubis" says; "Our Four Fathers would be proud of this man! Ron Paul represent the true REPUBLIC!" But the most poignant and scathing comment comes from "Meotch313" with his analysis "assreal are the real terrorists" food for thought indeed.

Bollywood meets Hollywood; Golden Globes Edition

2009-01-13T10:00:00.003-05:00

I think Priyanka should watch her back, that's all I'm gonna say about that.

The Golden Globes were on TV on Sunday and no one watched (seriously) but my sister told me Shahrukh Khan was on it and your favorite movie of the year, the brilliant "Slumdog Millionaire," won a crap load of awards including best picture and best soundtrack. Both were deserved because the soundtrack is brilliant, this is my ringtone and I'm the most popular kid in school. Shahrukh Khan was presenting Slumdog Millionaire with your other bhabi, Frieda Pinto, and given the amount of contempt I have for him I think it means something when I say he did a pretty decent job (minus his fruity tie, I think he should've worn something like this. Video Below). Even Anil Kapoor made the trip to the Golden Globes and while some of you may blast him for not shaving at such a prestigious event I'm going to defend him with the argument that shaving takes a lot of time and it's gonna grow back anyways and you're jealous that you're not man enough to grow such a sweet 'stache (or such copious amounts of body hair). In all Slumdog Millionaire won; Best Drama, Best Director (Danny Boyle), Best Screenplay (Simon Beaufoy), and Best Original Score (AR Rahman, who might be an Indian hobbit). I've been told by my brain that if you win a Golden Globe then you're a shoe in for the Oscar and since that, for some odd reason, is the award everyone wants to win and not a Nickelodean Award as I had thought when I was 8, so fans of the movie should be excited. I know I am.

OUTRAGEOUS!

2009-01-12T10:00:00.002-05:00

Harry The Prince of Wales is under attack for his use of the derogitory slur "Paki" when referring to his Pakistani-British comrade, Ahmed "Paki" Shahnawaz Palace (citation needed). We here at BihariShabab are outraged at Harold's Outrageous remarks. Outrage is raging within us. Really, we are outside of ourselves with rage. The horrendous video is belows and I must warn you that it is NSFW, not only for the terrible language but also due to Prince Harry being a ginger kid, it's horrific.

Ok, I'm gonna be honest, I didn't watch the video before writing this but after watching it I think Prince Harry is my second favorite royal, the first is obviously Queen Rania. Still, if you are offended by Harry's comments then you can sign a petition here.

Your Classic Bollywood Moment

2009-01-08T23:33:00.004-05:00

Ajay Devgan stars as a sexual harrasser extrodinaire in this classic Bollywood song; "Akele na bazaar jaya karo" (don't go to the store alone) from the award winning film "Major Saab" (Major Swiss Car Company). Now I have to applaud Ajay's ambition to try to woo a girl as out of his league as Sonali Bendre but why is he so effing creepy? Anyways, enjoy.

Asif Mandvi On Sanjay Gupta

2009-01-08T07:28:00.004-05:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

M - Th 11p / 10c

Medicine Cabinet

Barack Obama Interview

John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video

Funny Election Video

Maybe the most brilliant thing ever.

Brown Surgeon General?

2009-01-06T18:55:00.007-05:00

Image courtesy of Shaadi.Com

CNN is reporting that it's very own special correspondent, Sanjay Gupta, is being considered for the post of Surgeon General by Barack Obama and his cabinet. Sanjay Gupta's experience both in government, as an advisor to Hilary Clinton in 1997, and medicine, where he is on the staff and faculty in the Department of Neurosurgery at Emory University. When not at Emory, Sanjay Gupta works for CNN where he is responsible for keeping Larry King alive. Sanjay Gupta, who no doubt deserves a Getting To Know feature, was born in Michigan and has an interest in complicated spinal operations, he was also voted one of the sexiest men in 2003 by People Magazine (2003 was an off year for sexy men, I hadn't blossomed until 2005). These facts lead this blogger to believe that Sanjay Gupta is the brown Jack Shepard, and yes, I am going to make you google Jack Shepard, Lord knows I'd like to.....Ummm, I'm gonna leave now.

Hasina Maan Jayegee

2009-01-02T04:21:00.000-05:00

It's a New Year and not much feels different. I can still write extraordinarily crappy headlines and a South Asian nation can still elect extraordinarily crappy presidents. In this case, Bangladesh (the country not the producers who's beats are "Bangladesh, it's just foreign to the ears") elected Sheikh Hasina to the office of the presidency. Sheikh Hasina is renowned for being the Bengali Benazir Bhutto and looking like the evil saas in most Indian dramas. Hasina was actually running against another fantastically corrupt politician in Khaleda Zia and won in a landslide victory which Zia's party doesn't recognize because they're a little retarded. Long story short, women are terrible leaders. Benazir, Hasina, Zia, Mother Teresa, perhaps they stole from their countries so that they could shop because I'm told that's what women like to do. And for good measure, Bengalis eat fish. Thank you and welcome to the year 2009 everyone, it's gonna be a good one.

Blog? What Blog?

2008-12-21T11:11:00.005-05:00

It's been a while since you've been here Priyanka, good to have you back

You know what sucks? The news. So instead of trying to find a good happy story about South Asia I've decided to talk about Priyanka Chopra instead. You see I'm worried about her. Call me old fashioned but I found her to be a lot more attractive when she wore the classy outfits but as of late she's been whoring it up on screen. Now you might think that that's not such a bad thing but that's because you're probably legally retarded. No, Priyanka is no average Bollywood starlet. She's the total package so while dressing like a hooker may work for someone like Rakhi Sawant who's tramp stamp distracts the Indian populace from the fact that she's actually a transvestite, it doesn't work for Priyanka Chopra just like it didn't work for Aishwariya Rai in Dhoom 2. Anyways, I just want my Priyanka back. That's all. I mean Priyanka used to have a hold on me, I'd do anything for her; kidnapping, extortion, you name it. Now I have to grimace when I'm watching Zee TV and am forced to witness the abomination that is Priyanka Chopra giving Sanjay Dutt a lapdance. Why Priyanka, why? Oh by the way, we'll be back in January with a renewed passion and better content.*

*Better content is not a guarantee.

We Suck At This and Belated Eid Mubarak

2008-12-10T13:07:00.000-05:00

Hi there. Hope you are well. This is awkward for us. You can probably guess why. We're sort of, kind of, shallow jackasses who lack the eloquence and/or the subtlety to talk about the senseless attacks two weeks ago in Mumbai like grownups. So please bear with us while we stumble through the next couple of weeks like the infants we are.

This is the first attack of it's kind since we have been running this blog. There will certainly be more in the future(eg there was a suicide car bomb in Islamabad over the weekend). That is the sad reality of the region. We will try to do our best to cover all the news with the respect and sensitivity they demand. But at the end of the day, we hope you come here to chuckle once a day as I ogle at Bollywood actresses and the other guy(rhymes with Mahad Fasood) checks out dudes.

We hope and pray that you and your loved ones are safe. And we hope you had a memorable Eid. Now to lighten up the mood, here's a video courtesy of the very posh Mr. Misbah Dalvi. Please stick around for the entire thing, it just gets better and better.

House Cleaning Item

2008-11-20T17:17:00.005-05:00

Muhammad Ali Jinha and Gandhi at a Delta Chi Frat party circa 1946. Not Pictured: Nehru Playing Beer Pong with Alama Iqbal

Since this is the week we're officially selling out, why not go all the way. Hey everybody, Eighty East performs tonight in Newark! In the interest of full disclosure, I must reveal that I have a personal history with Eighty East. Once about 4 years ago, Sid the drummer and I shared a candlelit dinner on the banks of the Passaic River. It was a beautiful moment and I will not ruin it by going into details, but I feel I must be forthcoming to maintain our journalistic integrity.

Anyway, the band is performing as part of the Rutgers PSA / ISA Unity event tonight in Newark. Details below:

When: November 20th @ 7pm
Where: Multi-Purpose Room in Paul Robeson Campus Center
350 MLK Blvd.
Newark, NJ

Along with Eighty East, you can look forward to performances by some dance crews I'm sure and like three or four comedy skits highlighting the hilarious fish out of water experiences we Desis run into every day here in the states! In all seriousness, there will be a performance by the very talented Feroz, whose hippitty hoppitty skills you can check out here.

I believe there is a $5 entrance fee, but it's for charity so please lighten up. Not sure what charity it will go to, but I'm guessing it's going to Israel. Those guys end up getting all of our money anyway. KIDDING! See I'm kidding because the event is about unity and being all racist...get it?..Hahaha...no seriously Jews run the world.

See you there!

Condemnation!

2008-11-20T10:00:00.000-05:00

Huey doesn't appreciate the Obama haters.

Editors Note: I wrote this yesterday so everytime I say today, just substitute it with yesterday in your mind. Good luck and I apologize in advance.

We at BihariShabab haven't done enough to condemn terrorism world wide. The targeting of innocent people cannot be justified in anyway. Today our own beloved President, Barack Obama, was at the center of a verbal assault by the dastardly Ayman Al-Zawahiri, the 2nd most senior Al-Qaeda leader. Zawahiri said that the election of Barack Obama would not change anything that the terrorist organization is doing and that America would remain the enemy of Al-Qaeda. He went as so far as to say that Barack Obama was a "house slave" and "not an honourable black man like Malcolm X." Ayman, If you knew anything about Malcolm X you would know that he would never support what you are doing since it is even worse than what the American government did to black people through out history, by a lot. In response to your claim that Obama is a "House Slave" you better pump your brakes doggie, that man's a national treasure. On the bright side for those of us who aren't terrorists and condemn it, analysts say it might be harder for terrorists to cultivate support in their anti-American ideology because Barack Obama is loved world wide (as reported by BihariShabab) and they are even losing support within their own territories, evidenced particularly by the success of the Awakening Council in Iraq. Now obviously Barack hasn't done a damn thing so international support for him could fade dramatically but let's hope it doesn't because it's Barack Obama and everyone wants him to do well.

Well folks, that concludes another shitty post, please help us out by emailing links to BihariShabab@Gmail.com and leaving comments. Together we can overcome this slump. I can't wait till the IPL and Miss Universe pageant.

That'd Buy Lots of Samosas

2008-11-19T10:00:00.001-05:00

Everyone is feeling the pressure due to the global economic recession we're currently experiencing. No one is losing more in this recession than India's ultra-wealthy business tycoons. Specifically Mukesh Ambani and Father of The Year candidate, Laxmi Mittal. Together they are 1 and 2 on the list of India's richest individuals. Ambani, who made his fortune in petrochemicals, saw his net worth drop by almost 60% and Mittal lost a staggering $30.5 billion. To better understand exactly how much that really is, let me restate it; Laxmi Mittal lost $30,500,000,000. That would buy 30.5 billion Arizona Mucho Mangos (which, coincidentally, the Tata company might purchase). This is especially terrible for their families. Laxmi's kids can't expect ridiculous gifts like multi-million dollar homes and the Ambani family is going to have to hold off on their new home construction for a little bit. You know what would make everyone feel a little better about going broke? This video;

Hilarious.

The Brown Man Feels The Heat

2008-11-17T11:16:00.003-05:00

Neel Kashkari, the man in charge of the bailout who was profiled earlier here and at JFK airport security hahahhahahhahaa, had his ass handed to him by the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, culminating in Elijah "Clay Davis" Cummings asking him if he was a "chump." Of course that question was taken out of context, in reality Cummings was telling Neel that his constituents are wondering whether or not Kashkari is a chump and getting played by AIG and other companies that are recieving money from the government. It must suck to get slapped down by Dennis Kucinich on national television. He's a small man.

Thanks to Saad and UK youtube for the link and the headline...Props where props are due.

Well That Didn't Take Long

2008-11-10T08:00:00.002-05:00

"WHITE POWERRRR!!!!! This is awesome, that'll show them"
"Totally awesome, wohoo...wood on fire...makes my point"
"Yea..yea...so do we just kinda hangout here for a while? Should we go around the cross or do we just stand here"
"Don't know...hmm...I mean we're here already...and I mean, we've already proved how awesome we are...you know with cross on fire and everything...you...umm...you wanna jack each other off...I mean only if you want to and because there's nothing else to do...and no homo obviously"
"Well as long as we agree no homo...yeah...let's do it...but only to celebrate the power of the white man...wohooo...here we go"
"WHITE POWERRRRR!!!!!...hold me Billy Bob"
"Yes, Grand Wizard sir."
And scene!

Since the election on Tuesday, acts of racism have apparently been popping around the tri-state (NY, NJ, CT) area like the latest strain of herpes pops up on the Jersey shore. Proving once again that some residents in the tri-state area have comically tiny penises.

A cross was set on fire on the lawn of a nice pro-Obama Indian family in Hardwick, NJ, which is about 45 minutes outside of Newark. Of course it's 45 minutes outside of Newark. The chances of this happening inside Newark are somewhere between zero and "please don't hurt me big black man":

"Pieces of a homemade bed-sheet banner reading "President Obama -- Victory '08," which had been stolen from the yard the night before, also were found, leading investigators to believe the banner had been wrapped around the cross before it was set afire.
....
Police believe the cross, made of two-by-fours bolted to a metal pole like those used to support road signs, was placed on the lawn sometime between 1 a.m. and 7 a.m., and fell over after being set on fire."

You know, it's really surprising that the cross fell over. If there's one thing we know about narrow-minded racists jackasses, it's their expertise in the field of Physics. Isaac Newton's original answer to the question "Why did the Apple fall"? "So I can fling it at the Moors as Bananas don't seem to do the trick...HEYOO...HAHAHA...is this thing on? Oooh, I don't believe I've invented a mic yet." Wow, Isaac Newton was a dick.

Anyway, Gary Grewal, the awesome house owner, will not let the cowardly act phase his support for the President elect:

""I'm not going to be intimidated by something like this," Grewal said. "I don't go on anyone's property and do this. God forbid if I was African-American. We're living in the 21st century, and we've got to be afraid to express our beliefs?"

Right on Mr. Grewal. But he does bring up a good point, let's imagine what it would be like, if God forbid, he was an African-American....

Welcome to Staten Island! Or as it would be known if it were a beer, New Jersey Lite, or New York Ultra Lite. You would think people who are used to living in the toxic land dump that is Staten Island would know the pain one feels when they are discriminated against simply from whence they originate. You would be wrong:

"Ali Kamara, 17, whose family emigrated from Liberia, is still in great pain after being beaten by four young men with baseball bats.

Kamara, a high school student who is Muslim and lives in the Stapleton Section of the borough, was attacked while walking home around 10 p.m. the night of the election. He said as he approached his street, a gold car with four white men drove up behind him, with the men yelling Obama's name."

This story just keeps getting weirder and weirder. First there were the failed physicist white supremacists and now we find out that someone classy enough to drive a Gold car would attack a helpless teen 4 on 1? Shocking. Every person who drives a Gold car that I know, is too busy getting Syphilis spit in their mouth to be attacking teens.

Hopefully attacks like these will slowly fade out as we move forward. Till then, we wish you and your family a safe four years and look to Mr. Grewal's words for inspiration. Thank God we're not all African Americans.

Wannabes

2008-11-07T10:00:00.000-05:00

God, this took me like half an hour. I might be retarded.

With election fever in the States done it's time to shift our attention to the next big election in the world (yes, there is a world and they also have heads of states). That's right East-Pakistan! Now, specifically I think we should focus on how much East-Pakist...err Bangladesh (I read about their Independence on wiki so they deserve to be called Bangladesh for the time being, don't screw this up) is trying to emulate Pakistan in this election. The election is primarily between the ruling military and Sheikh Hasina, the exiled former Prime Minister who was jailed on corruption charges. Now I'm worried about Sheikh Hasina because she's traveling down a familiar path that doesn't end well. The path I'm talking about, of course, was blazed by Benazir Bhutto and it ended kind of like JFK's presidency ended. What's the cause of concern? Well, the lives of Benazir and Sheikh Hasina are so similar it's eerie. Both their fathers were Prime Ministers of their respective nations and were deposed violently by the military. Benazir's father, Zulfiqar Bhutto was hanged by a general and Hasina's father, Mujibur Rehman was killed along with most of his family by the military as they grabbed power. They both spent a good amount of time out of the country before leading their father's party back into prominance with the good faith of the people of their countries. Then they proceeded to stick it to the same people they represented in the elections as they shamelessly stole millions and millions of dollars from their already impoverished nations leading to their eventual ousters and exiles. Then they came back. We know what happened to Benzy but Hasina only returned today so we really don't know about her yet, but if history is any indication she should probably look into renting out the Pope-mobile for a few months and she should probably divorce her husband too, you know, just to be safe.

South Asia Is Ba-Rock And Rollin

2008-11-06T10:00:00.001-05:00

Goa, 1995, after OJ's acquittal

God I hate myself for that title...

Just like America, the rest of the world is rejoicing after Barack Obama's unpredictable victory in the elections. Already leaders from around the world have lavished praise and expressed their optimism in an Obama presidency which highlights how massively W effed up America's standing in the world more so than how great of a leader Obama is. Here's how the governments of the Desi nations felt; (East-Pakistan wasn't available for comment, they were apparently too busy eating fish.)

Sri Lanka- "I am convinced that under your leadership, the United States, which has always been a beacon to the world on many an issue, will continue to provide that leadership in a re-invigorated manner" ~ message from President Mahinda Rajapaksa.
Translation; "Help us end our damn civil war, it's been 25 effing years and Bush spent 8 years asking me for 'tickets to the Tigers game'."

Afghanistan- "I hope that this new administration in the United States of America, and the fact of the massive show of concern for human beings and lack of interest in race and colour while electing the president, will go a long way in bringing the same values to the rest of world sooner or later." ~ Hamid Karzai he also commended the American voters "for their great decision"
Translation; "I don't mind you guys staying here but please don't be a douche and kill civilians by the dozens, I mean I've got an election coming up."

India- "Barack Obama's extraordinary journey to the White House would inspire people around the world" ~ Manmohan Singh he also asked Barack to come to India as soon as possible.
Translation; "Don't take away our jobs! please please please please! Bangalore is a great city thanks to outsourcing. We can't go back to how it was, it was worse than Newark."

Pakistan- "I hope that under your dynamic leadership, [the] United States will continue to be a source of global peace and new ideas for humanity.....I look forward to more opportunities to discuss ways to further strengthen Pakistan-US relations and to promote peace and stability in our region and beyond." ~ Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani
Translation; "I will blow you for $25"

Taliban (not a government but still...)- "There is neither joy nor sorrow among our ranks by the election of Barack Obama" ~ Afghan Taleban spokesman Qari Yousuf Ahmadi he also added "If Mr Obama follows through on his election pledges [of increasing troops in Afghanistan], we will not be pleased with his election."
Translation; "OBAMA WOOOOO!!!! YES WE CAN!!!!!" no, no, but that's some tough talk, "we will not be pleased with his election." they sound like Republicans.

Victory

2008-11-04T23:01:00.008-05:00

Barack Obama: 338 electoral votes

John McCain: 127 electoral votes

Yes we can.

Vote Already!

2008-11-04T18:00:00.000-05:00

Hey guys. We're at a pretty important crossroads in our history. The communists are a growing threat. The Vietnam conflict is claiming the lives of thousands of young Americans. Cuba is in the hands of the communists. Communists communists communists. So go out there and vote Lyndon Baines Johnson on November the third. The Negroes too, you guys can vote now too.

It's been a long day and I'm done, vote if you haven't. Go Obama. See you on Wednesday.

Another McCain Ad

2008-11-04T16:00:00.002-05:00

Ok. Here's the deal, it's four o'clock and either you will vote after work or you won't. If you're still confused as to who to vote for it's because you're an indecisive son of a gun (Editor's note: should read "bitch" not "gun"..you are an indecisive son of a bitch, you indecisive son of a bitch, go vote!) so here's a pro McCain commercial. If you vote I'll give you candy.

The Mac Is Back

2008-11-04T14:00:00.000-05:00

Maybe you haven't voted because you're disappointed by the lack of McCain endorsements? We're nothing if not balanced (vote Obama!) So here's a McCain campaign ad and please be happy with it, it's very hard to find pro-McCain clips on Youtube, the internet is controlled by the liberal media apparently.

The Top 10 Campaign Video Moments of 2008

2008-11-04T13:14:00.004-05:00

Since today is video day at Bihari Shabab, I thought it would be good to direct you to a wonderful collection put together by TIME/CNN. And frankly, I think they could really use some of our heavy traffic. It's the top 10 moments of Campaign 08 and definitely worth the visit. I am embedding two of my favorites here.

First up is a clip that reminds us just how lucky we all are to have avoided the douchebullet that is Mitt Romney. Here Governor Romney visits a group of African American children and looks more uncomfortable than you when your progressive Maulvi Sahab talks to you about porn:

Who let the dogs out indeed, Governor Romney. The second clip is a re-imagining of the Wassup Budweiser commercials from 8 years ago. Now before you turn away in disgust, you cynical bastard, I really recommend you check it out. It's made by the same guys who made the original and I promise a full refund if your body isn't enveloped in goosebumps:

Visit TIME/CNN for the complete list.

Jay-Z Wants You To Vote

2008-11-04T12:00:00.001-05:00

Listen man, go out and vote, it's 12 o'clock and you haven't voted. This is getting ridiculous. Are we not cool enough to compel you to excersize your right to vote? Is Jay-Z cool enough? He should be.

Yes We Can!

2008-11-04T10:00:00.001-05:00

Here at the BihariShabab global headquarters we are anticipating that Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States of America. Before you go to vote and are confronted by the ghost of Milton Bradley and his racist rhetoric in the voting booth (that's what the Bradley affect is right?) we want you to watch this music video from Will. I. Am. Yes We Can people. Yes We Can!

Find A Voting Location

2008-11-04T09:00:00.000-05:00

I just had a thought. What if some of you guys don't know where the closest voting location is? Well don't worry because we've got you covered here at BihariShabab. Just go to the following link and fill out the prompts and you're good to go. Have fun voting, take pictures, and intimidate some Republicans (just kidding! sort of). For the Spanish speaking fans of South-Asian blogs here's Obama's Spanish ad.

If You Want Free Coffee, Vote

2008-11-04T08:00:00.001-05:00

Today we're going to keep reminding you to go out and vote. It's important that when you vote you get something free in return. And none of that civic pride bullshit either, we're talking tangibles. So we'd like to point out that Starbucks is going to give a free cup of coffee to anyone who votes tomorrow, details are in the following video.

Getting To Know Barack Obama

2008-11-03T16:08:00.003-05:00

With only one day left before you vote for the next president of the United States of America we've decided to do a recap of both candidates and their running mates. This should help all of you who are on the fence decide on who you want running this great country for the next four years (hint: Barack Obama).

Barack Obama is the Democratic Presidential Nominee. He is the junior Senator from Illinois, in the midst of his first term. This is the first time he has run for President and is the first African American nominee of either major party. Unless you have been living under a Barock the last 2 years, you know who Obama is. He is, as the Republican's correctly identified him, the biggest celebrity in the world and undoubtedly the man of the hour. Regardless of which side you vote for tomorrow, one thing is clear, this entire election is about Barack Obama. You are either voting for him or adamantly voting against him. He is the reason why you are showing up to the poll and the reason why there is passion on both sides. So let's get to know Barack Obama. Is he Muslim? A Marxist / Socialist? Lover of all things Abortion? The secret son of Malcolm X? Join us for a special election edition of Getting to Know Barack Obama.

PS - We know its inconsistent of us to use the above picture of Obama when we have used more intimate pictures of the other three candidates, but there are three reasons why we chose it.
1. We are unabashedly in the tank for Obama.
2. You can't mention the phenomenon that is Barack Obama without making note of the crowds that follow him around. It would be like talking about Pamela Anderson and not mentioning her bosom, or Asif Zardari and not using the phrase "mustachioed-bag of douche".
3. It's a pretty freakin sweet picture.

Name: Barack Hussein Obama II.
Wait, his middle name's Hussein? Oh shit, I hope the Republicans don't find out, that would put this whole thing in jeopardy.
Born: August 4, 1961 in Honolulu, Hawaii...oh no wait, or was it Mombasa Kenya, making him ineligible to be President, as per a law suit that was thrown out last week.
Religion: Protestant Christian...oh no wait, maybe he's Muslim. You see, this is a bit complicated as we will cover.
Family: Obama's father, also named Barack was a Kenyan student studying in Hawaii when he met his Caucasian mother, Ann Dunham. Barack Sr., although born into a Muslim family was never held any religious beliefs and is said to be an atheist. Seriously yaar, he drank alcohol and had premarital relationships with white women, your ammi would never approve. Well we know why your Ammi wouldn't approve, but we'll get to that. Anyway, Barack Jr. moved to Indonesia after his mother got married to an Indonesian fellow named Lolo Soetoro who was also Muslim but also drank. Barack's mother was really into progressive Muslims with an affinity for alcohol. It's a shame she passed away in 1995, she would have gotten along spectacularly well with Salman Khan. They could have made one brawny, attractive, well-spoken Indian kid, who could have been the leader that would bring everlasting peace to the Subcontinent. Although chances are he would've settled for doing item numbers with Malika Sherawat.
Anyway, Obama has a Buddhist half-sister named Maya Soetoro-NG from his mother's marriage to Lolo and roughly 27 half-siblings on his father's side, who spread the Obama seed around the world like it was the antidote to malaria. Obama was mostly raised by his Caucasian maternal grandparents Stanley and Madelyn Dunham(who sadly passed away today) in Hawaii.
He got married to Michelle Robinson, whom he met while interning at a Chicago law firm in the late 80's. Fun fact, their first date was to go watch "Do The Right Thing". Upon leaving the theater they ransacked a white neighborhood and set pictures of white Jesus on fire, while chanting racial epithets. No they didn't do that. They're peace loving, gentle souls and anyone who tells you otherwise is a racist asshole who is threatened by educated, opinionated African Americans. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise, it is what it is. It's not your fault, well it kind of is, but it's probably the way you were raised. So you can thank your racist ignorant douchbag parents. Anyway, the Obama's have two daughters, Malia (born 1998) and Sasha (born 2001) who are totally adorable and about 10 years from being the Black Caroline Kennedys.
Education: Obama went to elementary school in Indonesia until he was 11, leading some to believe he had been educated in Madrassas. And when I say some, I mean Sean Hannity and the functioning idiots that hang off of his balls. He went to high school in Hawaii and started on the state tournament winning basketball team. In his free time he experimented with drugs including marijuana and crack cocaine, which is may be why his favorite show is The Wire. If there's no other reason to vote for him, we should do just because of that. Oh Barack, you had me at "I shot the boy Mike-Mike in his hind parts".
Barack first attended Occidental for two years, but then transferred to Columbia in his junior year and graduated with a degree in 1983 with a degree in Political Science. After that he moved Chicago and became a community organizer for a couple of years. He eventually went to Harvard Law School where he became the BMOC and the first African American president of the Harvard Law Review. Obama was such a star on campus that Blair Underwood, the handsome young star of LA Law and your girlfriend's adulterous dreams, specifically sought him out when he visited the campus. Upon completion of law school, Obama shunned Wall Street firms to return to Chicago to get involved in the local politics.
He Sounds So Nice, Why Would Anyone Not Like Him. Well other than the obvious race thing, Obama does have a history of hanging out with questionable types. And questionable in the way that these are people seasoned politicians know to avoid. He met and served on a board with William Ayers, who was identified as a domestic terrorist and is now a professor at the University of Chicago. He also served on a board with Rashid Khalidi, a vocal critic of Israel, who was also a professor at the University of Chicago and is now a professor at Columbia. Are these controversial figures? Sure they are. But they're not as bad as Fox News would like you to believe they are. Bill Ayers is held in the same negative light as Osama Bin Laden or Spencer from the Hills. But if he was really that bad he wouldn't be a professor at the University of Chicago. Bill Ayers hasn't done nearly as much damaged to the standing of the United States in the world as Dick Cheney and George Bush (both of whom coincidentally endorse McCain). Ok, rant over.
Politics: According to a 2007 National Journal Review rating, Obama was the most liberal of any senator in the United States. You know what that means. If he's elected President with a Democratic congress in power, free abortions for everyone! Also gay marriage will not only be legal but enforced. Every family will have to designate one "gay", or adopt a gay African baby. Prayer will be outlawed, and Jesus will be banned from all school books including the Bible.
So what should we do on Tuesday? You should vote for Obama. Seriously people, don't you think it's time for a change. The argument of this election seems to be the real damage that's been done by the policies of George Bush that John McCain supported with the hypothetical damage that some believe would come of an Obama presidency. Now which path makes more sense, the unproven one or the one that's proven to be wrong?
The selection of their running mates is something that also should be closely considered. It is, after all, their first presidential decision. Joe Biden, as we mentioned earlier today, comes with flaws, he's gaffe-prone, he sometimes says too much, his hair is bewitching. But he is competent and worthy of the position Obama pegged him for. Sarah Palin on the other hand was picked only to titillate and excite the base. Her politics are much further right than even John McCain's. You don't pick a running mate just because you want to win an election, you pick one because they are supposed to help you do your job better.
Also, the fact that the entire world minus Israel (the Palestine Issue), Georgia (McCain supported them against Russia from the get go) and the Philippines (hate basketball) would prefer Obama over McCain is something we should make note of. It's a large, globalized world out there now. America can't just consider itself a superpower and not worry what the rest of the world thinks anymore. The days of swinging our all-mighty giant wang around while the rest of the world bows at it's glory are over. But let's say we still want to use that analogy umm... shouldn't we go with the black guy?
Finally, with the economy in the gutter as it is right now, we can't afford somebody who has openly admitted to being weak on it. Obama has a better handle on the economy and what it would take to get the country out of this mess while McCain supported and championed the deregulation that helped get it into the rut it's in.
For these reasons and because he's a silky smooth black dude, we endorse Barack Obama for president. Sure he's different, an unknown and poses the very real threat of being Malcolm X's bastard son, secretly raised in Hawaii by extremists, biding his time to pounce on the country and turn it into a Marxist homo nation, but we'll go ahead and take our chances.

Getting To Know John McCain

2008-11-03T15:00:00.000-05:00

With only one day left before you vote for the next president of the United States of America we've decided to do a recap of both candidates and their running mates. This should help all of you who are on the fence decide on who you want running this great country for the next four years (hint: Barack Obama).

John McCain is the Republican Presidential Nominee. He's been a fixture in politics for decades and served his country in the Vietnam war. He's in his second presidential race, losing eight years ago to George Bush in the primaries. So what does he have to offer us? What will he do once elected? Can he lift his arms above his shoulders? Does he have a Bangladeshi daughter? All your questions will be answered as we get to know John McCain. All of this information is thanks to a source inside the Republican Party, the guy who edited McCain's Wikipedia page....We really should find some new sources.

Name: John Sidney McCain III
Born: August 29, 1936 making him a sprightly 72 years old.
Religion: McCain isn't a very religious man and tends to keep his faith separate from his political beliefs, which may be why he chose Palin to be his running mate.
Education: McCain's father was a four-star Admiral which meant that his family was always moving, therefore he went to 20 schools before his family settled in Northern Virginia and he went to Episcopal High School which was a private boarding school where he graduated from in 1954. He decided to follow in the footsteps of his father and grandfather and go to the Naval Academy in Annapolis. The Wikipedia entry on his time in the Naval Academy is full of excuses. Apparently he was a natural leader and stood up against bullies. He was a rebel and sometimes clashed with high ranking officials which led to his low class ranking of (894/899) "despite his high IQ." He did well in literature and history but struggled with math. Does the fact that he's bad at math make him ill-prepared to lead the U.S. out of this economic crisis? Probably not, but we'll say it does.
Family: McCain has been married twice, first to Carol Shepp in 1965, he adopted her children and they had a daughter together in 1965. When he came back from war (more on that later) he was physically handicapped and so was Carol from a car accident. They also grew apart and when McCain was teaching a flight squadron in Florida in 1976 he started to have affairs and ultimately in 1980 he divorced Carol to marry his second wife Cindy. John and Cindy had their first child, Meghan, together in 1984, then in 1986 their first son, John IV or Jack as he's known, was born, then in 1988 they had another son, and in 1991 Cindy and John adopted a girl from one of Mother Theresa's orphanages and named her Bridgett. Which makes her the only Bengali girl in the world named Bridgett. McCain's sons are also in the military. How come Obama doesn't have a kid in the military? He hates his country.
He seems kind of like your average politician to me. That's because you don't know about his time at war. While McCain was a pretty sub par student because he apparently didn't apply himself he was a pretty good soldier. I mean, at first he wasn't a good soldier because he kept crashing his planes, but after a little while he got the hang of it and went on 23 bombing missions over Vietnam which is 23 more than Obama or Biden combined. He would've gone on 24 but his plane was hit by a missile and he broke both arms and a leg as he crashed into a lake behind enemy lines. Luckily he was pulled ashore before he drowned by North Vietnamese soldiers who then broke his shoulders (so no, he can't lift his arms above his shoulders) with their rifle butts and stabbed him with their bayonets because hey why not. He was taken to the "Hanoi Hilton" which was Hanoi's POW camp for Americans where he was beaten and interrogated. After the Vietnamese found out that his father was an admiral they allowed McCain to receive medical attention and sent him to a hospital where he stayed for 6 weeks in a body cast. After his stay in the hospital he was transferred to another prison where he was put in solitary confinement for two years. When his father was promoted to commander of all forces in Vietnam the North Vietnamese offered to release him but he refused the offer since they wouldn't release those Americans captured before him. After he refused McCain was subject to torture for a year, during which he caved and gave the Vietnamese some propaganda material (what a girl...). In 1972 McCain was returned home and after leaving the Navy in 1981 McCain started his political career and was elected to Congress out of Arizona. Also in 1998 he delivered perhaps the greatest political joke in the history of the United States with this gem; "Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly? — Because Janet Reno is her father." Brilliant.
So what should we do on Tuesday? Again, I'm glad you asked and you came to the right place to find out. There's no doubt that John McCain is an experienced politician and that he has even crossed party lines to push for something he believes in. Plus he was in a POW camp and stayed there even after given the option to leave so he's more man than either of us will ever be. However, I think it goes without saying that the worst president in American history was Ronald Reagan and McCain was a big supporter of Reaganomics and Reagan's foreign policy which included supporting some dictatorial regimes to take down other dictatorial regimes. Also if Chuck D is to be believed Ronald Reagan flooded the inner cities with crack cocaine. McCain is also a very short tempered person and there's been concern that he'll flip out and drop bombs on some poor country whose ambassador annoyed John McCain. Maybe if Bridgett bothers him he'll drop bombs on Bangladesh, I think that's a very real risk at this point. McCain has done some great work in the senate and I doubt he'll be as bad as Reagan was but his strategy on Iraq is very similar to that of Bush's and we all know how that's turning out. This would be a tougher decision had McCain not included Palin on his ticket. I like McCain though, I think he has integrity and he does what he believes is right which does separate him from the majority of politicians in Washington. However, when it comes down to the issues we pretty much know that McCain is going to give us more of what we've already had with Bush. He'll make things better, but by how much? Plus when you add the fact that you'd be voting for Palin as well does that really make you feel better about another four years of a Republican White House? No, I'd urge you on Tuesday to go out there and vote for Obama. Having Palin a heartbeat away from the presidency is much too risky. However, he does like immigrants so your cousin who's been here on a student visa since 1996 would have a chance at being a citizen.

Getting To Know Joe Biden

2008-11-03T11:50:00.003-05:00

With only one day left before you vote for the next president of the United States of America we've decided to do a recap of both candidates and their running mates. This should help all of you who are on the fence decide on who you want running this great country for the next four years (hint: Barack Obama).

Joe Biden is the senior Senator from the credit rich state of Delaware(aka Da First State Bitchezz) and on the VP candidate on the Democratic ticket. He has been in senate for 34 years and is one of it's most influential members thanks to his seat on the Judiciary Committee and Foreign Relations Committee. And yet his greatest characteristic may be his ability to connect with the common man, even if he tends to stick his foot in it from time to time. Who is Joe Biden? What does he stand for? What kind of experience does he have? What the eff is that thing on his head? Come let's find out in this special election edition of Getting To Know Joe Biden.

Name: Joseph Robinnette "Bosley Medical" Biden Jr.
Hey Joe Biden sounds like a dirty Mick! First of all shame on you, you racist boob. Secondly, Joe's family is Irish but that doesn't mean he's a drunk anymore than you being a computer nerd because you're Desi. I think I managed to offend two sets of people there. Mission accomplished.
Born: November 20, 1942 in Scranton, PA. So you know, 9 months prior to Joe being born Mr. and Mrs. Biden enacted their own 1942: A Love Story. Pow-Chika-Pow Wow.
Religion: Roman Catholic but he looooves aborting babies, putting him in hot water with his own chruch.
Education: Joe's family moved from Scranton to Claymont, Delaware when he was 11 so his father could find work. In highschool, he was a star halfback/wide receiver in the mold of college-era Reggie Bush leading them to an undefeated season in his senior year. He was not an academic standout but was a leader and participated in an anti-segregation sit-in, a sign of things to come as his career has been defined by how closely he's worked with African Americans. Joe attended the University of Delaware, graduating in 1965 with a double major in History and Political Science. He followed that up with a JD from Syracuse University College of Law in 1968 and entered the Delaware Bar in 1969.
Family: Biden met his first wife, Neilia Hunter while on spring break in 1964. It was because of her that he decided to go to Syracuse for law school as her family was based out of the the cold, barren, devoid of a soul waste dump that is upstate New York. They married in 1966 while Joe was in law school and had three children: Joe (1969), Robert (1970) and Naomi (1971).
When Joe claimed his surprising bid for the Senate in 1972, the Bidens were the picture of an ideal All-American family. At the age of 29, he was the fifth youngest senator in the history of the senate with a bright future ahead of him. But a couple of weeks after the election, Neilia and Naomi were killed in an accident that left Joe III and Robert in critical condition. Joe seriously considered resigning from his seat, but was eventually persuaded to stay in the senate. To make sure that he was there for his ailing sons, Joe traveled by train every day from Delaware to DC, which is something he does to this day. I would go on, but my bitch tears are about to set my keyboard on fire.
Eventually Joe met and married Jill Jacobs, a school teacher, in 1977. Jill and Joe have a daughter Ashley(1981), who is pretty foxy but not as foxy as her mom. Grrr Cougar.
Politics & Experience: Joe was elected to the Senate in 1972 at the tender age of 29 (30 when he was sworn in), and has kept his seat without much competition. He has won 5 additional terms and is the longest tenured Senator in the history of Delaware. He sits on the Senate Judiciary Committee and the Foreign Relations Committee, which is a big reason Barack Obama picked him to be his running mate. Biden is as qualified as any Senator in terms of foreign relations experience and is an ardent supporter of Israel, proclaiming himself a Zionist. So to all those old Jews in Florida worried about Obama's stance on Israel, how do you like them Mozza Balls? He is pretty liberal and has received high marks from the crime, education, environment, health, and homeland security lobbies. He has received an F from the Gun lobby even though he's the owner of a shotgun, which he threatened to shoot Barack Obama with if Obama came after it. Awesome. Biden is also supportive of guest-worker visas and wanted to provide Social Security to illegal immigrants as he believes in the path to citizenship. He is against Internet piracy and file sharing though, so that means he's for transporting Chinese illegals in shipping containers as long as they don't have a pirated version of High School Musical 3 on them. If the Republicans really wanted to connect with the average male American, they should have run on a "Biden wants to take away your Porn" platform. They would be up 69 points in the polls...HEYOOO!
Biden has run for President twice, in 1988 and 2008. His campaign in 1987 got off to a strong start, raising the most money out of the three major candidates (Biden, Michael Dukakis, and Dick Gephart), but enthusiasm quickly dissipated as the campaign failed to find it's identity. The entire thing came to a crashing halt when Joe was accused of plagiarizing a speech by British politician Neil Kennock. Joe had correctly cited a speech by Kennock as part of his stump speech until he forgot to do it once. Charges of plagiarism from as far back as Law school were revealed(incorrect citations on a paper) and that was that. Meanwhile, Sean Combs hasn't created an original piece of music in the last 15 years and his punishment was having an extended relationship with Jenifer Lopez and approximately 187 models, singers and actresses. Maybe if Biden just played Kennock's speech and freestyled over it with random "Yeah Yeahs", "Yo Baby"s and "Ha..haaa..that's right"s, he would've not only been President but also won 4 Grammys and gotten to sleep with Cassie.
Biden's bid in 08 was, well we all know what happened there.
Health: Biden almost died from an Aneurysm in 1988 that had begun leaking, but since then has enjoyed a fairly clean bill of health. Some have raised an eyebrow over the fact that Joe doesn't seem to be able to raise his eyebrows anymore, but the campaign denies the use of Botox. Also, it seems he has magically regrown hair, his own hair, that feels completely natural, and not ridiculous like a wig. Joe can now go swimming and date younger women as per the pictures that come in the brochure.
So what should we do on Tuesday? Well considering you don't actually get to vote for a Vice President, the measuring stick for an VP candidate is if they take something away from the top of the ticket. Joe Biden, for all his gaffes and questionable elective surgeries, brings way more to the table than he takes away. Supremely competent and with the experience that a young President would need while they get their bearings in the Whitehouse, Biden is exactly who Obama needed on his ticket(Sorry Hillary supporters). Throughout his career he has been vocal for what he believes in and hasn't shied away from making people uncomfortable. When it comes to VPs, we could do a lot worse. So go out there and vote for Joe Biden. He's loud, he's proud and he's got a somewhat full head of hair.

Getting To Know Sarah Palin

2008-11-03T10:00:00.001-05:00

Bihari Shabab Election 08 Spectacular

2008-11-03T08:44:00.003-05:00

As we arrive to the eve of the the 2008 Presidential election, all the major media outlets have checked in with their predictions, endorsements and liberal media homosexual-loving, child aborting biases. Well all except for this fine organization. So please join us today, November 3rd, as we honor the 4 major participants with the greatest honor that can be bestowed upon a human being that is not an AVN award. That's right, their very own Bihari Shabab "Getting To Know" features.
We will be updating the website throughout the course of the day so please do check back on an hourly basis, preferably from multiple computers because election coverage doesn't grow on trees. We look forward to your patronage.

Bihari Shabab Nerd Alert! بحري شباب نرد الرت

2008-10-31T12:32:00.002-04:00

I would like to grab your attention for a moment from the dangerous rap music Fahad carelessly posts on this family friendly site. Seriously, cute kids is how they get you hooked and the next thing you know you've been incarcerated 7 times since 2003 like DMX. I've seen The Wire, I know how it works.

Anyway, as you can see in the headline, Bihari Shabab can now proudly claim access to fancy future English to Urdu technology thanks to the geniuses at Google India. It's a Beta Program for transliteration for a number of languages. We can't tell you how excited we are about this. Let me demonstrate:

In the past, when talking about your promiscuous mother, we would be limited in our ability to insult. Maybe we would be able to get away with "Teri Maa", but our readers were probably looking at boring variations of "Your Mother". But now......

أبكي والدة
or
तेरी माँ
or
తేరి మా

The possibilities are endless, well unless you want to transileterate into a non-desi language. In which case you can go فوك yourself. Many thanks to the ever resourceful Saad Abdali for the linkage.

You can get to the arabic site here and the Indian languages here. Knock yourselves out.

You Can Vote However You Like

2008-10-31T01:38:00.006-04:00

It's no secret that I am the resident rap expert and like to shoehorn in the hip-hop music whenever I feel like it, much to the chagrin of Raheel, but eff him everyone knows I'm the Gandhi to his Nehru. Anyways, I think this is appropriate since we're going into election coverage mode before we revert back to the usual shenanigans. This is from kids from the Ron Clark (yes THE Ron Clark) Academy in Atlanta performing "You Can Vote However You Like" a parody of TI'S (pronounced; TEE-EYE) "You Can Have Whatever You Like."

Should we just ignore the part where they messed up? I mean, it seems like this was a pretty big deal, they probably should've had the timing down perfectly....we're gonna ignore it? Sounds good.

Lyrics:

Obama on the left
McCain on the right
We can talk politics all night
And you can vote however you like
You can vote however you like, yeah

Democratic left
Republican right
November 4th we decide
And you can vote however you like
You can vote however you like, yeah

(McCain supporters)
McCain is the man
Fought for us in Vietnam
You know if anyone can
Help our country he can
Taxes droppin low
Dont you know oils gonna flow
Drill it low
I'll show our economy will grow

McCain's the best candidate
With Palin as his running mate
They'll fight for gun rights, pro life,
The conservative right
Our future is bright
Better economy in site
And all the world will feel our military might (BRAAAAAAAAAAAT)

(Obama supporters)
But McCain and Bush are real close right
They vote alike and keep it tight
Obama's new, he's younger too
Don't worry if he's black, he's not wack
The Middle Class he will help you
He'll bring a change, he's got the brains
McCain and Bush are just the same
You are to blame, Iraq's a shame
Four more years would be insane
It would also be insane if you read all of this

Lower your Taxes - you know Obama Won't
PROTECT THE LOWER CLASS - You know McCain won't!
Have enough experience - you know that they don't
STOP GLOBAL WARMING - you know that you won't

I want Obama
FORGET OBAMA
Stick with McCain and you're going to have some drama
We need it
HE'LL BRING IT ON AGAIN!
He'll be it
YOU'LL SEE IT
We'll do it
GET TO IT
Let's move it
DO IT!

Obama on the left
McCain on the right
We can talk politics all night
And you can vote however you like
You can vote however you like, yeah

Democratic left
Republican right
November 4th we decide
And you can vote however you like, I said
You can vote however you like, yeah

I'm talking big pipe lines, and low gas prices
Below $2.00 that would be nice

But to do it right we gotta start today
Finding renewable ways that are here to stay

I want Obama
FORGET OBAMA,
Stick wit McCain you gone have some drama
MORE WAR IN IRAQ
Iran he will attack
CAN'T BRING OUR TROOPS BACK
We gotta vote Barack!
Plus Palin is stupid!

Obama on the left
McCain on the right
We can talk politics all night
And you can vote however you like, I said
You can vote however you like, yeah

Democratic left
Republican right
November 4th we decide
And you can vote however you like, I said
You can vote however you like, yeah

BEST CAMPAIGN COMMERCIAL EVER!

2008-10-30T23:01:00.004-04:00

Seriously, it's got everything. It's simple, has fantastic music, and just the right level of cattiness and humor. Best of all it's only 30 seconds long and eminently parodiable (which is a real word). Anyway, look for tons of these to pop up on youtube the next couple of days. We might even do one or two. You're going down Sepia Mutiny, you literature loving elitists.

Happy Belated Diwali & New Year Folks

2008-10-30T08:00:00.001-04:00

Bihari Shabab would like to send out heartiest Diwali wishes to our prized Hindu readership. It is an honor to have you guys here and we couldn't do it without you. No seriously, you guys are the only ones with any cash around here. Plus I'm pretty sure you own three-fourths of the internet and can get us shut down whenever you want. We kid because we love....and because we're going to need a loan here pretty soon.

Now being the uncultured jackals that we are here at Bihari Shabab, Diwali has historically only marked the opening of the latest Shah Rukh / Karan Johar Jatin-Lalit chamkeeli extravaganza. But it's significance is so much more than that. And so we turn to our resident Hindu history expert, Dr. Laxmiprasad Wikipedia:

The festival marks the victory of good over evil, and uplifting of spiritual darkness. Symbolically it marks the homecoming of goodwill and faith after an absence, as suggested by the Ramayana.

On the day of Diwali, many wear new clothes and share sweets and snacks. Some North Indian business communities start their financial year on Diwali and new account books are opened on this day.

Hindus have several significant events associated with it:

Return of Lord Ram to Ayodhya
The Killing of Narakasura
Austerities of Shakti
Birth of Goddess Lakshmi
Krishna defeating Indra

Awesome! So once again Happy Diwali to everyone out there, not just our Hindu readers. The festival of lights is something that can and should be appreciated by the rest of you miserable asses as well. Now we leave you with a clip that signifies how we all aspire to spend all of our Diwalis. Through the scope of Kim Sharma's ample cleavage:

Pakistan Is Broke

2008-10-29T09:04:00.000-04:00

Two of these people were in charge of Pakistan.

According to Germany's foreign minister Pakistan is in dire need of a loan as it only has "a few days" to raise billions of dollars before Italy breaks Pakistan's knees. In response to the crisis Pakistan's military has decided to halt construction on a $210 million headquarters that would house three branches of the military. Instead they'll use that money towards a coup attempt in a few months. So who's to blame for Pakistan's crisis? Is it Zardari? Is it.....well no it's Zaradari. I think that when you elect a president who is world renowned for his fantastic mustache and corruption then you shouldn't be surprised when the government is seizing your bank accounts and all of a sudden one of the world's emerging markets is on the brink of ruin. I think you're lucky that Zardari didn't tie your girl to railroad tracks like the cartoon villain he truly is, Pakistan.

Obama Target of Assassination

2008-10-28T09:10:00.001-04:00

It's a travesty if this isn't on currency one day.

Our White Knight, Harvey De....er rather Barack Obama, was targeted for assassination by two skinheads. The skinheads were arrested well before they even attempted any murders but they had several gun charges levied against them as details of their plans to kill 100 black people and assassinate Obama came to light. Admittadly the people behind this had some terrible planning and their death threats against Obama weren't taken seriously, although authorities do believe that they had the means to carry out the attack at the highschool. It's just sad that we can't all accept change! Do people even take skinheads seriously anymore? I'm pretty sure their days are spent inhaling the fumes from the methlab in the kitchen of their double wide while they pleasure themselves to American History X. I'm still pretty steamed about this though. I think I'm going to go and carve a backwards "S" into my cheek.

I'm Swooning

2008-10-27T00:09:00.003-04:00

The people behind Barack Obama's campaign are brilliant. His latest campaign ad, "Defining Moment," should seal the election for him because it's the greatest campaign ad since the Pakistan's People's Party's (is that gramatically correct?) epic "Bhutto is Alive" ads in which Benzy was letting us know that Bhutto is alive. I think the PPP will have to rethink that advertising campaign now.

Obama's campaign was brilliant because it answered questions and his team realized that there was no need to make McCain look bad since Palin takes care of that for them. Enjoy!

It's that voice....that beautiful beautiful voice.

Devin Harris Got Destroyed.

2008-10-14T20:02:00.002-04:00

I like this because I'm a lot like Stuart "Townsend" Tanner in that I play streetball and I'm not in the NBA. I'm real. Devin Harris is point guard for your New Jersey Nets and he gets hitted up and disgusted* in this clip. It's exciting

I like that this was all done in jeans and a sweater, it's very proper. Obviously Devin Harris wasn't playing him hard and he was a good sport about it but you never let any one go between your legs and score.....unless you happen to be your mother.

A-RAB MONEY

2008-10-10T00:00:00.000-04:00

I know Raheel won't be happy about this because he's under the impression that rap isn't a legitimate form of music and that African-American's aren't smart enough to play quarterback in the NFL (his words not mine). But regardless, I'm going to post about something rap related. Specifically Busta Rhymes on Al-Jazeera. It really doesn't have anything to do with BihariShabab since we are a South Asian blog and South Asians always have to remind white folks that we're not Arabs but watching the news anchor makes me smile.

Does anyone else think that the, "leader of the Arab money movement," Ali looks like the gay Indian dude from Weeds? Also if you were wondering what they were dancing to it's Busta Rhyme's "Arab Money" (below).

Bhel-out?

2008-10-07T06:00:00.000-04:00

Kashmiri and now notable Desi, Neel "Krazzzzyyyy Eyes" Kashkari, has been appointed by Henry (Robert?) Paulson to oversee the government's $700 billion (or 40,225,500,000,000.00 x 10^9 Zimbabwean Dollar) bailout program to ensure that the nation's economy does not fail. Neel is currently the interim Assistant Secretary of the Treasury for Financial Stability and before that he was a vice-president at Goldman-Sachs where he headed up the.....wait for it......information technology security investment banking practice. He's got a Bachelors and master's from the University of Illinois Champaigne-Urbana as well as an MBA from the Wharton School in Pennsylvania. Our potential vice-president, Sarah Palin, has a similarly illustrious educational background; a semester at Hawaii Pacific University, one year at North Idaho Community College, one year at the University of Idaho (you-da-ho!), a semester at Matanuska-Susitna community college, and finally 3 semesters at the University of Idaho to complete her Bachelors in communications-journalism. Kashkari is only 35 and he's been given control of the one of the most controversial financial programs since FDR's New Deal so that's impressive. Also impressive is the wealth of information available on wikipedia. If I copy and paste directly from wiki onto a blog post does that count as plagarism?

New Jal Video

2008-10-06T10:18:00.002-04:00

Here's the new video for Pakistani Soft Rock Superstar, Jal's latest single "Main Mast Hoon". And it is effin terrible. If unapologetically molesting the sanctity of a national monument like the Taj Mahal were a crime, this video would have to register with familywatchdog. It really is that bad.

But the song is hummable, so I guess that counts for something. Overall though, the video pales in comparison to the epic Bikhra Hoon Video.

Enjoy!

Don't Fatwa The Playa, Fatwa The Game

2008-10-03T06:00:00.000-04:00

"Come on...you know you wants to pet the stache"

Pakistani President and Ex-Hathaway Lady Tonic spokesperson Asif Zardari has received his fair share of criticism for his illicit game of Pogum Pogayee last week with VP candidate Sarah Palin. Why I even recall seeing certain sites label him with a nickname rhymes with BuckBase. Well it looks like Grabby Hands Johnson has gotten himself into trouble with somebody a little more serious than really really good looking bloggers:

"A radical Muslim prayer leader said the president shamed the nation for "indecent gestures, filthy remarks, and repeated praise of a non-Muslim lady wearing a short skirt."

Now we are obviously not the biggest fans of Mr. Zardair, but come on, we can't just sit back and defend this unfair criticism. No court in the world would qualify what Sarah Palin was wearing as a short skirt. Apparently someone hasn't watched a Flo-Rida video in a while. Anyway, the religious clerics aren't the only ones upset.

Feminists charged that once again a male Pakistani leader has embarrassed the country with sexist remarks. And across the board, the Pakistani press has shown disapproval.

......

The incident bears some resemblance to yet another charm offensive by a senior Pakistani politician. Marcus Mabry's biography of Condoleezza Rice includes a passage in which he relates a meeting between former Pakistani Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz and Ms. Rice, in which Mr. Aziz was said to have stared deeply into the secretary of State's eyes and to have told her he could "conquer any woman in two minutes."

Charming. Another thing Shaukat Aziz could conquer in two minutes? His overmatched neck with his awe-inspiring chin.

So the President now has an Active Fatwa against him. What does this mean? Not much really. As noted in the article, Fatwas range from daily advice to death sentences. The basic point of this one is to shame the President.

According to the Wiki one needs to be a teacher or obtain a license to issue a Fatwa. I wonder if the local mosque can issue Fatwas. How about we get one to figure out this Eid on multiple days business. Or if that's asking too much, why not start small and issue a Fatwa against putting the Raita at the beginning of the food line at weddings like it's dressing. Is anyone against issuing that Fatwa. It protects us from being oversauced. Incorrect salan to raita ratios are threatening the way of life of millions of Shaadi goers in the tri-state area. Do it for the kids.

Special thanks to the unrivaled Mr. Saad Abdaali for the link along with following priceless line:
"Seems Mustachio has got himself a fatwa." Mustachio! I think it's safe to say we have a new nickname for Mr. Zardari. Shotgun trademark!

VP Debate Preview

2008-10-02T17:40:00.005-04:00

As everyone stateside should know, the Vice Presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin takes place tonight. While the VP debate in any other year is not a big draw, the show down this year is understandably hotly anticipated, not just in the US but worldwide. In fact, it wouldn't be a stretch to say Asif Zardari is probably setting up candles and mood music in a special room with a year's supply of Jergens.

Anyway, while we wait for the debate to unfold, here's a preview to what we can look forward to tonight. After watching the clip, we recommend reading this article from Vanity Fair detailing the media's coverage of the Bush / Gore race in 2000. Sure it's 7 pages long and it takes valuable time away from scouring ratedesi.com for the love of your life, but you can make the time. Plus there are some artsy NSFW images on the side of the page to keep you visually entertained.

It really is interesting and quite relevant especially now that the GOP is pushing the whole Biden makes gaffes too angle. There's a difference between being a loudmouth and just being incompetent and they should not be equated in an effort to give off the image that they are being fair and balanced, when they are just being lazy. Watch the clip and it's obvious. One candidate is just more qualified, and it's not sexist or elitist to point that out. Sure Palin has her strong suits too such as the ability to connect with Middle America or Horny Subcontinental Asia. But being adorable isn't what the country needs from a VP right now, if it was BihariShabab would endorse Nick Jonas for president. Or maybe even Joe Jonas, but definitely not Kevin. That dude is creepy.

Of course all of this is irrelevant if Biden loses it and let's a C-Word slip into one of his answers. That would just be totally awesome.

Eid Mubarak!

2008-10-01T18:00:00.000-04:00

Eid Mubarak from my Paapi Thobra To You and Your Family

This kindly gentleman's picture came up in a Google Image Search for "Sheer Korma". That will teach me to turn the Safe Search off while looking for pictures of Pakistani "sweeties". Anyway, Eid Mubarak folks! As we all know, today, October 1st 2008 was the one and only true official day that Eid could and should be observed and the those of you who didn't can choke on a bottle of ittar (Muslim Perfume). I totally saw the moon over the Boonton mosque bro, I don't care what the NASA Lunar Calendar says.

While it's sad that year after year we have the same discussion about how it's disappointing that we can't agree on a universal date for Eid, it should be noted that it really is the most pleasant of days. Whether you celebrate it today like you should or celebrated it yesterday like the unrighteous Jezebel you are (joke yaar), everyone seems to have a nice hop in their step. So round up the kids, put on your nicest Eidcentric bling, and enjoy the our little Eidee to you below.

I was going to post a Sami Yousuf video here celebrating Eid, but frankly felt that it lacked the authenticity that I was looking for. So without further ado, I present this clip from the hit 2002 Hindi movie, Tumko Na Bhool Payenge, starring Salman Khan and his Muslim Topi. For the non-Muslims out there, this really is how we celebrate Eid at our houses. In fact, the complicated steps from 2:36 - 2:52, could be entered into evidence as an accurate re-enactment of how I greeted my father this morning.

Eid Mubarak everyone.

Greatest Catch Ever?

2008-09-27T14:51:00.000-04:00

Hello Fuckface

2008-09-25T02:05:00.004-04:00

As is evident by the daily news, it's been a crappy couple of months pretty much all over the world. The economy is imploding, hurricanes are shutting down major cities, trains are crashing into each other and the auto-pick in your fantasy football draft left you with Carson Palmer as your starting quarterback. Worst of all your good friends at Bihari Shabab have been too busy to post during the month of September, leaving you in the confused and predict the outcomes of upcoming beauty pageants.

Well worry not loyal reader, the Good Lord has been kind enough to give us a cause that we can all get unabashedly behind: The hatred of Pakistan's new President, Asif Ali Zardari. While there are many reasons to hate on Mr. 10%, which we should be covering in due time (I see a profanity laced Getting To Know feature in his future), a good place to start would be at the recently widowed President's apparent foray back into the world of skeezy flirtation.

Making his first appearance as Pakistan's President on the international stage, Zardari is in the US to attend the UN General Assembly. Also in New York is Sarah Palin, looking to add some much needed foreign heads of state contacts to her Rolodex. Who better for her to talk to then the widower of the First Female Head of a Muslim state. He of all people, must understand and be sensitive to her historic plight in this sexist environment. He must know that a woman is as capable of leading a nation as any man no matter what anyone says. And how did he demonstrate this sensitivity... well, he hit on her, hardcore, along with other members of his delegation:

"And how does one keep looking that good when one is that busy?" Rehman asked Palin, drawing friendly laughter from the room.

"Oh, thank you," Palin said.

....

Zardari then called her "gorgeous" and said: "Now I know why the whole of America is crazy about you."

"You are so nice," Palin said, smiling. "Thank you."

A handler from Zardari's entourage then told the two politicians to keep shaking hands for the cameras.

"If he's insisting, I might hug," Zardari said. Palin smiled politely in response.

.....

Smoooooooth. I think it's safe to say s0mebody's been brushing up on their skills with multiple viewings of Def Jam's How To Be a Player.

Putting in to context everything that's happened in the last 10 months starting with the assassination of his wife, the ouster of Musharraf and even the bombing this weekend in Islamabad, watching the so-called Leader of the Country slobbering over a semi-attractive soccer mom is revolting. Alright, maybe she's a little more than semi-attractive, but the point remains the same.

How is this really the best representative of Pakistan to the international stage? If he can't control himself in front of MILFs, who's to say he won't sell out Kashmir while watching a Mamta Kulkarni item number. I've seen Sunny Deol movies, I know that's how Pakistan's foreign policy works. As noted historian Noor Shamim pointed out, "he's like the Pakistani Tracey Jordan". Would anyone be opposed to sending Ali Zafar to these things instead? He has abs.

Anyway, CNN was kind enough to record the whole thing so here's a video clip for that extra level of creepy:

Never Forget Me, I Am Nirodh: UPDATE

2008-09-20T01:56:00.004-04:00

I think the slide whistle is appropriate. Fun fact; there's no word for lubricant in Tamil/Telugu. Who knew!?

UPDATE: Saad either had a lot of questions or a lot of time because he sat through a 7 minute PSA about condoms. Saad pointed out "a nice touch at the 5:50 mark." The nice touch being an explicit artist rendering of homogay sexual relations. This is a family site so we can't go around showing explicit artist rendering of any sexual relations so we had to take that down. I think what's more important is that of the literally thousands of people that visit BihariShabab everyday only Saad sat through the entire video. I watched up till the 2 minute point and assumed that the next five minutes would not lead to relations so I posted it. Video's gone but a quick Youtube search will procure it for you. Shenanigans start around the 5 minute mark....pervert

McCain's Going To Win

2008-09-10T20:32:00.004-04:00

This is Reagan. You know who liked him? Rednecks. You know who else? No one.

I'm at a loss for words. First, read this. Just read it and be prepared to have your heart drop. I can't....I just can't. WHY!?!?!?!

Am I overreacting? I mean I know plenty of rednecks and they behave pretty much like the guy says they do and if it weren't for rednecks we would've only had four years of Bush. Aww pantshirt...Now I gotta register to vote.

1000 HITS!

2008-09-09T18:55:00.003-04:00

Patakha!

The celebration here at the BihariShabab Institute of Excellence dragged on a little long and delayed us from promptly celebrating with you. No that's a lie and in this, the most blessed (bless-ed) of months, I feel like it's probably not good to lie so I'll just use fasting as an excuse. If it's good enough to delay criminal proceedings in France and get my father out of jury duty it's good enough to stop us from writing lots of (or any) high quality posts. So we probably should have had something planned. We could've raffled off autographed pictures of ourselves or given high-fives to each and every one of you. But we didn't. So, happy "K-day" as I've just now decided to call it because I haven't done this in a while and forgot how to conclude a post. I guess this is just like an awkward goodbye then. Aright then...see ya later...should we hug?

Hey Where Did Everyone Go?

2008-09-07T23:08:00.001-04:00

As we are sure you have undoubtedly felt, it's been slow here the last couple of weeks. As Fahad let you know, we've been busy with work, school, Ramadan and google searches for "hot Sarah Palin pix". Well we're promising to ramp up our activities from here on out till the end of the month thanks to Ramadan flex time posts, after Sehri / before work. You know what that means. Either you will be getting a daily dose of sophisticated posts from writers enlightened by the truth and awe of this beautiful month, or incoherent ramblings from someone with dangerously low blood sugar levels. A fun time either way! Also look out for new widgets on the side...only because the last one worked out so well. Indian Ocean owes Bihari Shabab two month's worth of royalty checks. Anyway, good to have you back. If you can excuse us now, we only have about 5 hours and 40 minutes worth of hot religious right Googling left before Roza starts. See you in the morning.

Ramadan Mubarak and Happy Labor Day

2008-09-01T16:33:00.002-04:00

We here at BihariShabab try to not include anything dealing with religion in this fine blog because I don't want the readers, all 900 of you (at this time there are 900 hits and I'm sure that there are only 900 readers because why would anyone come back?), to start communal riots. But! I'm gonna make an exception to my rule because it makes me happy. So Ramadan Mubarak. For all you communists I hope you have a happy labor day. I know that you guys are disillusioned with the lack of posting around here and we're going to try to do better. But between fasting (how come when you fast, the day goes slower? HAHAHAHAHAHA!), school, work, and fantasy football it's kind of busy around here in the BihariShabab headquarters. Just keep visiting the site though, there may be surprises! and maybe a party when we reach 1000 visitors. If there's one thing Muslims know how to do during the month of Ramadan, it's party.

I'm Over It

2008-08-28T13:45:00.005-04:00

Sorry I've been so distant from you all but I just recently purchased Madden '09 and my time has been consumed by John Madden like a turducken. Anyways, Karachi was cool, it's safer and cleaner than before and hopefully they'll keep improving the city. Unfortunately Karachi is a pretty boring city. There's really nothing that stands out as a tourist attraction and the things that are extraordinary for the residents of Karachi are pretty run of the mill for us over here in the states. So that's pretty much all I'm going to say about my experiences in Karachi. It was a good trip, a learning experience, and I wouldn't mind going back soon. Now then, let's get back to business. In the future you can expect content on BihariShabab to be of a greater quality and quantity. By the future I of course mean after September since we at the BihariShabab offices will be swamped during September. Stick around though, it'll be worth your time, like this teaser for Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince!

I've Come Back To You

2008-08-25T19:43:00.006-04:00

What I left for BihariShabab.

Ladies and Gentlemans I have finally returned from my journey to the fair city of Karachi. I have many a story to tell you but I must save those for a later date. You will be happy to know that it was a great trip that I thought was short, however, a lot can happen in three weeks. I mean Bernie Mac died!?!?! Isaac Hayes too! and what's this about Russia fighting a war in Gerogia? How could I possibly have missed out on that? I watched Sportscenter this morning and I don't want to shock your socks off but Brett Favre is a New York Jet and Manny Ramirez is playing for the Dodgers. And why the hell are the Yankees 10 games behind the Rays? I was only gone for three weeks and my entire world collapsed around me. Needless to say it's going to take a few days for me to adjust to this new world.

Peace Bitches!

2008-08-21T23:42:00.002-04:00

BihariShabab: Home to the finest MS Paint work since you turned in that report on the Sphinx for your 7th grade history class...in 1995

Oh hello there. Fancy seeing you here. As you have undoubtedly felt, we have been missing the last couple of days. While there are many reasons for this: work, Fahad's vacation, the performance of Pakistan's Mens Hockey team (more on that later), the primary reason is the depression from GPM's farewell and resignation from the office of President. In case you don't know the details, here's a mini recap courtesy of the Guardian that I've manipulated with some of my own comments, which is probably plagiarism of some sort:

August 1943: Born in Delhi, India. Along with Bollywood star, Jackie Shroff, has the distinction of being one of two babies in India to come out of the womb with a mustache.

1964: After visiting a local palm reader and finding out of the impending filmography of one Sunny Deol, joins the Pakistani army to personally counteract the damage done by classics such as The Hero: Love Story of a Spy.

1998: Becomes army chief of staff.

October 1999: Seizes power in a bloodless military coup, overthrowing the prime minister, Nawaz Sharif. Cements his position as the man in charge by sharing an intimate candlelit dinner with the Mrs. in the Bhutto Bawarchikhana, the Pakistani equivalent of the Lincoln bedroom. Saucy!

June 20 2001: Makes himself president, replacing Rafiq Tarar, while remaining head of the army. Tarar is forced out of office when the parliament that elected him is dissolved. Has Tarar decapitated and uses his skull as a chalice to sip his crunk juice for the remainder of the time he is in power.

July 2001: Holds first meeting with the Indian prime minister, Atal Bihari Vajpayee, at Agra in India. No progress is made because of differences over the disputed territory of Kashmir. Another heavily debated point of contention at the meeting? Sunny Leone vs. Priya Rai(You curious Googlers out there should know that this is very very very NSFW).

September 11th, 2001: Uh, 9/11.

September 2001: George Bush courts Musharraf, asking him to join him in his "war on terror" and help defeat the Taliban in neighbouring Afghanistan. The US president promises Pakistan $1bn in aid....aaaaand twiiiiiinnns.

April 2002: Wins a referendum giving him another five years in office. Observers criticise the referendum as blighted by irregularities. Quips one critic "I haven't seen irregularities in the system like this since that month when I was on an all banana diet...HEYOO." Critic is subsequently booed off the stage at the Apollo for making poop jokes.

May 2002: Pakistan test fires three medium-range surface-to-surface missiles capable of carrying nuclear warheads. Musharraf insists his country would not be the one to initiate war. Follows this up by smirking and stroking his stache, then chuckles and says "No really yaar, Khuda Paak Ki Kasam."

October 2002: Pakistan's first general election since Musharraf seized power in 1999 results in a hung parliament. Privately makes a variation of the same inappropriate "I'll show you a hung parliament" joke to friends on multiple occasions.

November 2002: Mir Zafarullah Jamali becomes the first civilian prime minister since 1999. He is a member of a Musharraf-supporting party. Mir Zafarulla Jamali aka the Original Dmitry Medvedev.

November 2003: Pakistan's National Assembly meets for the first time since 1999. Jalebi and chai is served.

December 2003: Musharraf promises to step down as head of the army by January 2005.

December 2004: Musharraf announces he will stay on as head of the army. Releases a simple, two-word press statement: "Psyche Bitches!"

March 2007: Musharraf suspends the chief justice, Iftakar Mohammed Chaudhry, triggering a wave of anger across the country and the first joint protests held by the parties of exiled former prime ministers Benazir Bhutto and Nawaz Sharif. Probably around the time that he started losing it.

October 2007: Signs a corruption amnesty, opening the way for Bhutto's return and a possible power-sharing agreement. Within hours of Bhutto's arrival back in the country, bombers attack a Bhutto rally in Karachi, killing more than 100 people. A tremendous tragedy, especially considering that all of the people that were killed were from poor neighborhoods who are given money and food to attend such rallies. And we don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but isn't it a bit telling when you need to sign something called a "corruption amnesty" to be let back into the county?

November 2007: Declares a state of emergency, rounding up opposition leaders at gunpoint. In the same month, Musharraf quits as head of the army, becoming a civilian president.

December 15 2007: Lifts state of emergency and announces plans to go ahead with parliamentary elections scheduled for January 8.

December 27 2007: Benazir Bhutto is assassinated at an election rally in Rawalpindi.

January 2008: Elections postponed until February 18.

February 2008: The two main opposition parties gain a clear majority in the elections.

August 2008: The two main parties strike a deal to impeach Musharraf if parliament backs the move.

August 18 2008: Musharraf announces his resignation.

And there you have it. That is basically what's happened in Pakistan the last 9 years under GPM. A lot to like, a lot to not like. We were, for the most part, fans. It is not an overstatement to say that Musharraf was a key figure not only in Pakistan, but globally as well. His decision to side with the US and it's allies during the war in Afghanistan was a tough one, but the right one for the country. He also was a strong representative of Pakistan on the international stage and one the country desperately needed. Not to mention the bestseller he wrote, his surviving multiple assassination attempts, the fact that he was adorable on the Daily Show and most importantly, his lifting of the ban that Nawaz Sharif put on Junoon.

But for all those positives, it does feel like in the end his rule was a failure. He had 9 years to bring about a change in Pakistani politics, to get rid of the characters that brought Pakistan to the situation it was in in 1999. And for a couple of years it looked like it was something that he may be able to accomplish, but he fell under the same trappings of politics and paranoia that befell his predecessors. And for all of his hard work in the early years, who was he forced to leave the country to? Nawaz Sharif and Asif Zardari. The man he ousted on corruption charges and a man who's nickname is Mr. 10% for the money he's jacked from government contracts. Fanfuckintastic.

It was clearly time to go though. He was getting increasingly paranoid and the loss of power was something he was not coping well with. The suspension of the judges, the declaration of state of emergency were not in the best interest of the country and someone else needed to step in. This is the reason why there's a two term limit in America. No one man should have that kind of power over any country. To paraphrase Clemenza from the Godfather, these things gotta happen every five to ten years. It helps get rid of the bad blood. While that is true, we just wish Musharraf left Pakistan in more able hands, like Tom Hagen. Unfortunately, at this time, only Fredo's available.

Have A Good Weekend

2008-08-15T16:09:00.001-04:00

Thanks for your patronage this week. Here's a clip courtesy of our Summer Intern Akash Shah to take you into your weekend. This is either some sort of hard hitting geo-political commentary on the relationship between India and Pakistan or Akash is trying to be a smarty pants. See you on Monday!

Happy Independence Day India...Jana Mana Gonna Have A Great Time

2008-08-15T10:59:00.000-04:00

Happy Independence Day Pakistan...Meri Jaan...Mera Arman...HooooooOhOhOhOhhhh!

2008-08-14T12:41:00.002-04:00

How about an Independence Day Treat? It's GPM's favorite dessert...imPeach ice cream!

Sure there's all sorts of political unrest back in the homeland, but that doesn't mean we can't celebrate it's 61st birthday by getting all sorts of crunk at the Pakistan Day parade a week from now. Here's a clip to get you in that patriotic mood courtesy of Mr. Mohammed Ali Shehki.

Aapke Desi Olympians

2008-08-12T12:51:00.001-04:00

In celebrations of the Olympics, that are now a week old, we thought it would be good to check in to see how Desis are fairing in the games. Please note that this does not include the awesome Pakistani Men's Field Hockey team aka Pakistan's lone representatives in the Olympics, as that will be it's own feature.

Abhinav Bindra: The biggest story of the Olympics by far for the subcontinent is the Gold Medal won by Abhinav in the Men's 10M Air Rifle. The medal represents the first individual Gold ever won by an Indian athlete at the Olympics, which is staggering considering that it is the second most populated country in the world. While most people point to the lack of a real sports program in India, such as the state of the art ones in the US or China, we think the problem here are the so-called Olympic sports themselves. The Olympic committee just doesn't have programs catered towards the strength of the Indian populace. Take Air Rifle for example, anyone who has seen any Akshay Kumar Khiladi movie from the 90's knows that Indians, especially homely looking males that would be relegated to henchmen roles in an Indian movie, are an awful shot. Akshay Kumar made it through the 90's with a career "shots fired at-to-shots absorbed" ratio of roughly 1,832:0. If dodging henchmen bullets were an Olympic sport, not only would he be the Michael Phelps of it, but would also have a lifetime endorsement deal that would put his face on every single bottle of Hajmola Digestive Tablets.
The problem here is the lack of focus and commitment of India's Olympic Committee to develop the talent, although this year has been a step in the right direction. This is the first year India sent a swim team, and although they didn't medal or anything it's nice to see them expanding. There is still a lot of work to be done though, starting with the official Indian Olympic Committee web page. Seriously, a country full of programmers and that's the best they can do? I've heard, from friends and associates, that there are umm adult Indian websites with better drop down menus. Anyway, aside from the page, the other big problem is the misallocation of funds and just general mismanagement. For example, check out how much money has been awarded to young Abhinav. Now I agree he should be heralded for his feat, but keep in mind that this is the son of a millionaire whose father built him a personal air-conditioned shooting range in the lead up to the games. Couldn't that money be better used in developing talent or paying the Desi Baba guy to build a better website, since he probably doesn't have much to do these days.
I don't want to be a party pooper, and hope that's not how I come off. We know that sports are trivial and everything else, but this is something that can be greatly improved with just better management. Congratulations to Abhinav though for his achievement as he has made the subcontinent proud. He should enjoy his day in the sun for the next month or so before being welcomed back by Narain Karthikeyan, Sania Mirza and Karnam Malleswari into the tender bosom of obscurity and indifference.

Raj Bhavsar and the US Men's Gymnastic Team: The US Men's team found it's way to an unexpected bronze medal in the team overall championships thanks partially to the efforts of last minute alternate Raj Bhavsar. Raj, as noted here before, is from Houston and desi, so I can only assume his parents work at HP/Compaq or the Dell headquarters in Austin. I would go into more details here, but I don't want to cop to the fact that I watched Men's Gymnastics till 1AM and held my breath as they did dangerous, mid-air transfers on the high bar. It really is majestic.

Paraguay's Javelin Thrower Leryn Franco: The track and field competitions start on Saturday so there's no update on this yet. We're covering her because she's technically desi through marriage. Leryn Franco is your bhabhi. Google her!

Khabarnama

2008-08-11T07:31:00.003-04:00

RIP Bernie Mac (NSFW)

Khabarnama is a regular roundup of news and links that we just don't have enough juice for but would still like to pass on to you. Mainly so that you know, that we already know, so you know, you know your place.

Heartiest 65th Birthday wishes to General Pervez Musharraf aka the Pakistani Don Magic Juan. As you must know, the President is on the verge of impeachment on charges of murder, corruption, and misuse of power. Additionally, he has been cited by the International Carrom League for using a prohibited powder in his match with Indian president Pratibha Patel for that extra gliiiide. We will hopefully have much more on this later in the week. For now, please join us in wishing the president. Ahem, "Hum Bhi agar Bachay hotai, hum bhi agar bachay hotai...."

Rough week for male African American celebrities with discernible voices. If I were a member of Dennis Haysbert's family, I'd take his advice and insure the shit out of his life:

Legendary actor and notorious curver of bullets, Morgan Freeman was involved in a very serious car accident, which left him a broken arm, shoulder and a couple of ribs. If that wasn't bad enough, two days later it was announced he was getting a divorce from his wife of 24 years.

Rock n' Roll Hall of famer Isaac Hayes, aka Chef from South Park, past away on Sunday at the age of 65. Isaac also famously sang the Academy Award winning theme song for 1971's Shaft. There's an awful grave/"Can ya dig it" joke somewhere in there.

And finally, comedian and actor Bernie Mac succumbed to pneumonia on Saturday. I know we had some issues with his MCing job at the Obama event a couple of weeks ago, but he really was pretty hilarious. In the words of the incomparable Mansoor Syed, "Oh Lord, why couldn't it have been Cedric the Entertainer?".

The deal between Dreamworks and Relliance is almost complete. We can't wait for this to come through as we are overflowing with Shatrughan Sinha in Live Action "Shrek" jokes.

Our man, Jeev Milka Singh came up a bit short, but still finished tied for a very respectable 9th place at the PGA Championships which means he is automatically qualified for the Masters next year. Can you imagine an Indian winning the Master's? If he has brothers, his parents would then have to identify him as their "Masters Beta". I know that was a long way to go for a dirty joke, but I have no regrets, you hear me? None!.

And finally, since we are contractually obligated to pimp Generation Kill, here are links to the original Rolling Stone articles that the series is based on. Fans of the show will recognize a lot of the moments in the articles, although you should save the second and third article for after the series if you want to stay spoiler free:

The Killer Elite

The Killer Elite, Part Two: From Hell to Baghdad

The Killer Elite, Part Three: The Battle For Baghdad

Please send any Khabarnama links to biharishabab@gmail.com. You shall be thanked with love, because baby my love is all I have to give, without you I don't think I could live, I wish I could give the world to you, but love is all I have to give...to you. Oh also, we'll thank ye publicly.

Johnny's An Adulterer; BS and National Enquirer Vindicated

2008-08-09T02:30:00.005-04:00

Well I guess resting our reputation on the jelly like soft shoulders that is the fact check department of the National Enquirer paid off as John Edwards came out and admitted to the affair with ex-member of his campaign staff and sometimes milfy Reille Hunter. Although other times she does end up looking like this, so buyer beware.
The one time Presidential candidate admitted to the affair on Nightline on Friday night but said that he does not believe he is the father of Ms. Hunter's baby as the affair ended in 2006. Seems a little sketchy considering he does admit to meeting with her at a hotel room in LA just two weeks ago. Pictures taken by National Enquirer's "spy cam" which is evidently code for "shot from inside a dirty bong", show Edwards holding the child at the hospital are above. Either way, his bid for the VP spot on the Obama ticket is effectively over.

You can watch the interview here. If you are someone who has admired the senator in the past , be prepared to be completely disgusted. I highly doubt this is anywhere close to being over and look forward to seeing it resolved soon on Maury.

Got Milkha?

2008-08-09T01:46:00.004-04:00

The swarthy gentleman above with the happening salt n' peppah goatee is Indian golfer Jeev Milkha Singh. On Friday, he became the first Indian golfer to lead a major PGA tournament, namely the PGA Tour. That fact that I just stated may or may not be true as I have no confirmation, but dammit doesn't it sound like it probably is? Jeev is the first Indian to attain a membership on the European tour and has done quite well there. He is 3 shots behind leader J.B. Holmes going into the third round on Saturday and has as good a chance as anyone to win. Especially since, well, we don't have to go into it but let's just say there's an imprint on the couches in the players locker room of a missing 800 pound tiger.

Follow Jeev's exploits with live coverage of the third and fourth rounds on CBS this weekend.

Getting To Know Mustafa Kamal

2008-08-08T01:11:00.000-04:00

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die...

If the Mercer Quality of Living survey was to be believed, Karachi is currently the 3rd most dangerous city in the world to inhabit, right behind Baghdad and Kinshasa, the capital of the Republic of the Congo. That's some pretty badass company to be in. I mean we all know what's going on with Baghdad, but no way are we sleeping on Kinshasa. I've seen "Blood Diamond", I know all about the child soldiers and the diamond mines, and frankly if Leo and his South African accent can't tame them, then who are we to try. Anyway, the point here is that Karachi is apparently an extremely dangerous place to be kicking it these days (i.e. I haven't heard from Fahad in 7 days). So who do you call upon to lead the municipal government of a place that makes pre-Bruce Wayne Gotham look like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory? Khawateen o' hazarat..meet mayor Mustafa Kamal!

Name: Mustafa "Masti" Kamal
Hey, Mustafa Kamal? That sounds sort of familiar to me but I can't put my finger on it: Perhaps you are thinking of Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, the founder of the Republic of Turkey....nerd.
Date of Birth: No confirmation on this. Either 1971 or 1972 according to various online sources. We think he probably shaved off a year for around 2001. Yaar, it's just harder to get rishta's after you hit 30.
Place of Birth: Wait a second...East Pakistan? And they elected him Mayor of the biggest city of Pakistan-proper? For the love of Rashid Minhas, who let this happen?
Official Title: Nazim Mustafa Kamal. Gotta admit, that sounds pretty hot. Diddy should sign him to a deal purely based on that title and that badass goatee.
Education: Undergraduate from Malaysia. MBA in Marketing from the University of Wales
Biwi / Bachay: Yes. Not a lot of information available on Mrs. Nazim, but met her during undergrad in Malaysia. She's from Tanzania, which I think is somewhere in East Africa, but since I don't want to look it up, I'm going to say all the women there look like a hybrid of Rihana and the hot South African lady in Lethal Weapon 2. SCORE Mr. Mayor! Bonus points on the Love marriage.
Political Background: Young Mustafa used to run with the Muttahida Qaumi Movement (MQM) crew back in the day. By his own admission, he has took time out from school and got into trouble with law post "matric"(10th grade). Loitered for a couple of years with the MQM and never completed his schooling in Pakistan. Left in 96 to study abroad. After completing his MBA, he took up an IT job in the UAE. Came back to Karachi to look after his mother after the passing of his father in 2002. Once back in Karachi, took up again with the old crew who convinced him to run for office within the Sindhi government. Elected as a member of Parliament in 2002, and assigned to the Office of Minister of Information Technology for the state of Sindh. Ran for mayor in 2005, easily defeating incumbent Naimatullah Khan by a margin of 1493 to 800.
Political Views: Upon his arrival into office, Mayor Mustafa has managed to avoid major political controversy and instead focused exclusively on fixing the city's infrastructure. He has aligned himself with the government of Prime Minister Pervez Musharraf which up to this point has been fruitful. Although that may change as the hybrid two headed monster that is the PPP and Nawaz Sharif's Muslim League continue their lovefest and gain more power.
Accomplishments: Has spent half a billion dollars on water and sewer projects in the poorest areas of the city over the last two years that are viewed at as a major success. In addition, under his watch the city has completed 6 over and underpasses that have brought some relief from the usually debilitating traffic. Work is also underway on a 47 story IT tower (The Prodigal Son Returns!) that would be one of the biggest in Asia.
Outlook: From what we have seen on the Mayor there is a lot to like. If he can continue to avoid the political traps, he may very well accomplish a lot before his time is up. There will of course be situations like the one in May when while he was on a trip to the US, the board was temporarily seized in a coup by the PPP. Why? Mostly because they were bored or some shit and that's what you do in Karachi when the boss is away. It was overturned a couple days later and order was restored but the point is it would be silly to think that everything will be smooth sailing from here on out. The mayor needs to stick to his guns as he has done thus far and treat these issues for what they are. Minor inconveniences that come with the job.
He is very loyal to where he came from, but realizes that the best for the city and even for the party for that matter is for him to keep his nose clean. He is open, down to earth and best of all can apparently program if you need him to. He is a bit idealistic, believing he can turn Karachi into Dubai within five years, which seems to be a bit of a pipe dream. But he should be admired for aiming for such a goal and working towards it.

We will end with this clip of the Mayor taking it hard to the audience while addressing a business community meeting:

Classic Cricket Clip

2008-08-08T00:25:00.000-04:00

The Classic Cricket Clip is weekly feature which is meant to highlight glorious crickets moments from the past to rekindle some of your favorite memories. It's really just a chance for me to be a jingoistic ass.

In honor of the ever important 16th anniversary of Pakistan's 1992 World Cup win, here are the highlights from the final.

The action itself isn't that fascinating but the official theme song from that year pushes the experience to another level. I dare you to try not humming it for the rest of the day. It's impossible not to. It's seared on to your brain 10 seconds in like the first time you hear Canon in D Minor or, you know, a tumor. You can find a bonus clip here, because I didn't want to embed it. It's the trophy presentation ceremony and it features Imran Khan's famous speech that marked the end of his career. Surprisingly remarkably douchey.

Batshit Crazy 90's Hindi Movie Clip

2008-08-05T00:26:00.000-04:00

Since the dawn of man, we contend that no era of film has been a showcase for talent, entertainment, drama, comedy and most importantly Mamta Kulkarni. Don't get us wrong, the movies today are great and all, but they're just missing a certain j'na sequa, which I believe is French for "low budget rain song". In an attempt to reconnect with that glorious era, we offer you a weekly trip down memory lane. Oh, we also needed some content.

This week's clip comes to us from the superhit 1994 movie "Main Khiladi Tu Anari", which I just found out courtesy of Wiki, is a remake of a 1991 Hollywood movie called "The Hard Way". I don't know what's more earth-shattering. Finding out that 14 years worth of fond memories were based on a stolen script, or that "The Hard Way" is not an adult film. Anyway, here's the clip. It's the title song from the film, which translated into English means "I'm the hero, you the dimwit".

There are a couple of reasons why I chose this clip. First I think the two male leads could serve as some sort of ode to our fallen hero Fahad (seriously, he's been gone for 6 days, the odds of him not having dysentery at this point are slim to Keira Knightly). The song itself along with the dancing is just a fantastic classic 90's hindi movie mess. The backup dancers and extras aren't attractive, half the backup dancers are dressed up like the chubby girl from that Blind Melon song, and the wind machine is in full effect. So much to love. And finally for the move that Akshay Kumar and Saif Ali Khan pull off around the 1:35 mark. For the record, that move had not been successfully replicated on film since 1994 until the rambunctious stars of Supermales IV: The Quest for Dong completed it last year. Wow, two adult movie references in one post. I've had this place to myself for 6 days and I'm already working blue. This is should be fun.

As always links and suggestions to Biharishabab@gmail.com

Khabarnama

2008-08-04T00:25:00.002-04:00

Khabarnama is your daily (Allah Paak Ka Waada this time) roundup of news and current events for your interest.

Much like all other major mainstream media outlets, we have been avoiding reporting on the John Edwards baby scandal. The two major reasons for this: a) The initial reports are from the not always reliable, National Enquirer and b) George Soros and the lefties pay us billions of dollars to stay liberal. At the risk of antagonizing of our sugar daddy, here's the latest from the National Enquirer because it looks like it is probably true. My mom's going to be heartbroken. Ugh, even the website's trashy. Anyway, enjoy National Enquirer from the comfort of your home, without having to steal glances at it in the checkout line at Shoprite!

According to an ex-bodyguard, Salman Rushdie's a cheap, nasty and arrogant ass. These are unconfirmed reports, but really there was no way I wasn't linking to that.

Raj Bhavsar, an Indian fellow from Houston, has replaced defending Gold Medalist Paul Hamm on the men's Olympic team. Hamm had to pull out due to an injury. The odds of Raj Bhavsar having a Getting To Know feature done on him have just doubl...nay, triple axled (Thanks to Pritam)

Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid al-Makhtoum, the PM and ruler of Dubai, is at Camp David. Upon his arrival he employed a Bedazzler to "do up" his helicopter by adding 24 karat diamond studs to his seat belts.

Apparently there was a huge face-off between Shahrukh and Salman Khan at Katrina Kaif's 24th birthday party. How has this not made the cover of TIME? Here's a clip about the showdown complete with voice over work that would put Morgan Freeman to shame:

Please send any Khabarnama suggestions to biharishabab.blogspot.com. You will rewarded for your efforts with a diamond encrusted email of gratitude from the Sheikh of Abu Dhabhi.

I Am Spent

2008-08-01T22:24:00.006-04:00

Waylon says drugs are bad.

Phew! That was a busy week. We got, what four posts? I have to pace myself better, at this rate, I'm headed straight towards burnoutsville. Of course I speak in jest. Yeah we had some scheduling issues this week, between Fahad leaving, and me having to mend my lonely, broken heart, and umm work, the time just flew by. But fear not loyal readers, we will be back and stronger than ever next week. There are some intense brainstorming sessions set up this weekend. Deadlines will be met, people will be fired, and most importantly my shipment of blow is scheduled to arrive on Saturday from Columbia...Maryland, not the country. I'm insourcing my drug use. Speaking of, here's a little ditty from everybody's favorite show about the Maryland drug trade, The Wire. It's the theme song from Season 5 of the show, performed by the very liberal Steve Earle who played recovering drug addict Waylon on the show. Enjoy the song, try not to pick up a coke habit and have a hell of a weekend. See you Monday!

Catch The EightyEast Infection Tonight At Opera in NYC

2008-07-29T16:23:00.001-04:00

I must admit that I was shamed into doing this courtesy of the post by the fine folks at CurryBear. But yeah, Eighty East live in concert tonight at Opera in NYC, get excited folks. In the interest of full disclosure, it must be noted that I once sat next to Eighty East keyboardist extraodinaire and psychedelic homo universalis Yousuf Arain on an airplane trip to Mind Blownesia. I learned many new things, but forgot more. The point is, in terms of celebrity hanger-on status, I guess you could say I'm in with the band.

You can get details for the event here. I shall be the guy in the corner, sobbing gently and whispering "They Should Have Sent a Poet" to myself. Hope to see you there.

Desi Artist Spotlight: Indian Ocean

2008-07-29T01:33:00.003-04:00

Of the many new weekly features we are planning, the one that we are most excited about is the Desi Artist Spotlight. Partly because it allows us to use our snazzy new IMEEM widget, but mostly because good music has a way of leading to street cred. Oh sweet, beautiful, nectarous street cred, how we long for you. Anyway, the first spotlight comes to us from our intern-even-though-he-prefers-to-be-called-contributor-because-he-has-a-job-and-is-doing-us-a favor, Akash Shah. We gave Akash the opportunity to write about any desi artist, expecting full well that he would do us right by going Paki-pop like Junoon or Atif Aslam or Hassan Jhangir, but being the patriot that he is, he decided to go with contemporary indo-rock fusion band Indian Ocean. Without further ado, we turn it over to Akash, do check out the tunes to your left....

As their motto says, "Expressing the very soul of their milieu, urban and rural. Aware of its history and alive to its future. Passionate, honest, unapologetic, untainted by the exotic. At home in the world."

Formed in 1990, the present line-up includes Sushmit Sen on acoustic guitars, Rahul Ram on bass and vocals, Asheem Chakravarty on tabla, percussions and vocals, and Amit Kilam on drums and flute. An impeccable and mature band that has been around for over 15 years with five albums under their belt and many more unreleased songs. What is unique is how the music stems from a rich cultural Indian background combining elements of classical Bharatiya sangeet, jazz improv, rock-laden rhythmic patterns, Sufism and a melodic soul that's immediately recognizable.

All the band members are self-taught and the music was born through the chemistry that they share when playing with one another. Asheem Chakravarty is the "man with the golden voice" and brings a rare talent of combining vocals while playing the tabla. Sushmit Sen forms the basis of the band's sound with his unique and distinctive acoustic style. Cornell PhD Rahul Ram is in the forefront with his bass and the group's other vocalist. Amit Kilam is the youngest member of the band. Surprisingly as the drummer, he is the quietest person on stage and beats the drums at unconventional measures.

The first three albums remained low key but the band made its presence on the independent music scene and gaining accolades at international festivals in the early 2000s. Their first album Desert Rain was released in 1997. The great thing about this album is that it's recorded live and that to by accident. Nonetheless the results were amazing, with lots of on stage improv and passion. The next album was Kandisa, recorded in a proper studio and with a producer. The 2000 release quickly gained popularity as a cult album and properly established the band. The album also introduced lyrics by some well known Indian poets and also was more commercially-oriented, a pop-ish and accessible sound. In 2003 the band released Jhini. Named after a poem written by 15th century Hindu poet Kabir, it went on to win an AVMax award for best produced album and featured English lyrics for the first time.

However, it was not until 2004 that the band was brought into limelight with their first bollywood composition, Black Friday. Their music stood out even as the film was laced with controversy. Bandeh is the song that made them famous overnight and Indian Ocean was finally "mainstream". The other great thing about this was that they broke away from their traditional style introduced in their previous 3 albums and introduced a variety of sounds by throwing in new instruments such as the sarangi and the saxaphone. Another film soundtrack, Shoonya, has been recorded but the film and music are both delayed for unknown reasons.

Despite the social meaning behind each of their songs, Indian Ocean refuses to be a political band. They hate to attach brands or genres to their distinctive sound. Certainly the sound that they create is a result of their daily living in an urban setting, and a tribute to modernity. Their music is a genuine reflection of their personalities as individuals and as a band as a whole. As their motto goes, "Expressing the very soul of their milieu, urban and rural. Aware of its history and alive to its future. Passionate, honest, unapologetic, untainted by the exotic. At home in the world."

By Akash Shah

Bihari Shabab Programming Note: While The Fahad's Away...

2008-07-28T01:43:00.005-04:00

Nobody Beats Me, Because I'm the Wiz! I'm the Wiz!

Fear not oh loyal Bihari Shabab readers, for the scent that you are faintly picking up that smells like it is equal parts ass and Stetson aftershave, is not a dirty bomb. Rather it is a warning sign of the self-reverential lovefest that is about to get underway up in this bitch. As you know, we recently added the counter to track the number of hits we are getting here. And to be quiet honest, we were pleasantly surprised by just how many people do come here as we have not done much in the way of marketing. Now there are two ways one can take this. 1) Be humble and thank the readership or 2) Get a big head and openly solicit the female readership for Rishtas. I think you know which way we're going to go with this. I look forward to openly antagonizing the men and hitting on the women. Hello non-mehram ladies! Tis a pleasure to have your company...raise the gaze in summer of 08...

Anyway, as you know by now, young Fahad is on his way to the homeland. What does this mean to your BihariShabab experience aside from the fact that we now come to you with 100% less rap? It means that you can look forward to more posts but less original content. We will hopefully have daily Khabarnma links along with a number of weekly features, that will satiate your appetite for desiality(TM). Look for youtube clips, music reviews and other empty calorie content fillers.

Also, with today marking 100 days before the election, you can also look forward to more political coverage which really means shameless pro-Obama propaganda, because you're really not getting enough of it as it is.

The internship program is underway as well, with the first post coming up later today from the Indian Leon Phelps, Akash Shah. His first post works hand in hand with the IMEEM application you see to your left. As part of our weekly spotlight on desi artists, we will have a playlist for you for the week so you can sample some of their work and not just go by what we have to say. We think it's a terrific idea, but your comfort is paramount here, so your feedback would be much valued in determining whether we stick with the widget.

In all seriousness, we really do appreciate your patronage. If only some of you knew how to work the goddamn comment section, I think it could enhance the overall experience. I know giving out your real name may feel like a breach of your personal space. But fear not Priyanka Chopra from Mumbai or whoever you are, you can now comment anonymously, so get on it.

We look forward to hanging with you this summer.

Thanks.

Peace Out Holmes

2008-07-27T01:35:00.005-04:00

Me at the airport (dramatization)

I need you all to be strong right now. You knew this day would come. I have to go and you can't convince me not to. I'm leaving today to the motherland to spread the BihariShabab movement. You mustn't worry, we have a stellar group of interns donating pieces of theirs to this fine site....what's that? there are no interns? Well we got that new hit counter and I enjoy visiting the site to see the counter keep going up so you guys could come to the site for that...Oh and Raheel's still writing if you care (I know you don't but don't tell him, it'll hurt his feelings). Well I guess I should wrap this up, I'm going back after nearly a decade and I'm all excited and stuff. Expect some memoir/travelogue type posts once I return and in return I will expect no comments because you are the most apathetic readers on the internet, but I still love you. I'm pretty bad at goodbyes so I'm just gonna go the only way I know how. Through the magic of song.

Television Review: Generation Kill

2008-07-25T05:00:00.001-04:00

In an (obviously futile) attempt to get companies to send us promotional material at some point in the future, we at BihariShabab have decided to start reviewing...uh...things. You know, music, movies, technology, food, TV shows, sadly, even women (but in a totally respectful way. You know women are the future or something like that). Have anything you want us to review? Email us at BihariShabab@gmail.com. We know how much you value our opinions.

I love TV. It used to be easier for me to watch but between being the writer/editor of a prestigious blog and romancing super models all over the world (why else do you think I'm going to the motherland) I don't have much time for television. So I've begun paying more attention to a show's cast and producers to more easily zero in on a television show I would enjoy. David Simon was the executive producer of "The Wire" AKA the greatest television show in the history of television history. Therefore, I've decided to watch Generation Kill, a David Simon mini-series currently airing on HBO about a squad of marines at the beginning of the Iraq war. Simon's productions are more realistic than anything on TV. I wasn't raised in the hood or anything but I have black friends so I know that urban environments are really like what The Wire portrayed. I've never been to war but I am a young man and I know how young men communicate with each other and Simon captures the relationships in the unit as truly as anyone can. Of course this may be because the series is based on a true story. In 2003 Rolling Stones Magazine reporter Evan Wright was embedded with the 1st Marines Battalion in Iraq and his subsequent reports won awards and stuff so he did a great job. But who reads anymore? So we have this TV show which is as close to reading a novel that you can get without opening a book. The script is brilliant and it highlights the beurocracy that plagues the American system, it's hilarious and it does what "Jarhead" (hated the movie) could never do, which is be exciting and still be introspective and show the boredom that Marines have to deal with. Simon and his crew do a fantastic job with this. If you don't have HBO don't worry, it's a mini-series so you can wait to rent it when it comes out on DVD. If you do have HBO, Generation Kill airs Sunday nights at 9:00. It's must see TV.

Final Verdict: 5 SRK eviscerated pillows out of 5

Language NSFW but if you watch it later at home with headphones on you shouldn't have any problems except a guilty conscience for listening to such filth....Enjoy.

Why I Love Nas (and Stephen Colbert)

2008-07-25T04:00:00.000-04:00

This right here, is why I expected more from Nas's album. He's got personality, he's got humor, and he's smart (agree or disagree with his politics, you can't deny that he's an intelligent man). Unfortunately, save a few tracks, he couldn't translate this to his album. I'm still disappointed. Colbert is great, he's on Stewart's level....Hey! I've got an idea! who do you think is better? Stewart or Colbert!?! Vote on the left side of the page. And don't be shy! make preposterous statements in the comments section. Go ahead and make it look like a youtube video's comments section.

Bihari Shabab Programming Note: Counter Added!

2008-07-24T18:47:00.004-04:00

Click Click Click Click Click Click

This seems to be the week that Bihari Shabab get's some long over due surgical enhancements. First we opened up commenting to the mass public, including East Pakistanis which we had internally sworn we would avoid at all costs. Followed by the announcement of the Summer Internship Program along with the force out of the co-edito...I mean the vacation that Fahad Masood is taking. And now the addition of our brand spankin' new counter that you can see on your left. We are a boob job and tummy tuck away from being in contention for the PMOY (Badum Tish!).

Anyway, so yeah, we got ourselves a counter. At this rate I can't wait for October when we are able to use an HTML naming convention that doesn't end in .html. Am I right, or am I right folks?!?! Geek high fiiiive! For your sake, I hope no one mentions using FLASH around these parts as it will result in you burning at the stake on charges of witchcraft. Geekorriffic!

Special thanks to the Gujarati Casanova of the south, and friend of the blog Akash Shah for helping me figure out how to get a counter on the site. Akash, who is a DJ in his spare time, would be the coolest IT support person I knew had his Gujju brother Indy Shah not recently purchased this bike and blown him out of the water. Either way, tick tick tick away my friends.

Bobby Jindal Not VP. McCain Relieved.

2008-07-24T13:45:00.005-04:00

Louisiana Lieutenant Governor Far-Right

Piyush "Bobby" Jindal (get to know him) has declared that he will not be the next Vice President of The United States. I don't like Bobby Jindal because I don't like the name Bobby. If you're going to choose a name why not a cool name like Fausto or Number 16 Bus Shelter. This may draw some Desi voters towards McCain because some of our brown brothers and sisters sadly wouldn't vote for a black man however they may have been turned off by Bobby Jindal's....well I'm not quite sure how to put this, but if this were 1927 India he may have been in support of the British government, which many Desis frown upon. I would like to say something however. In these troubling times we like to separate by race and religion. If you want don't like Bobby, don't let it be because he's Indian or he's a Catholic. No, don't vote for Bobby because he's the governor of Louisiana, the 2nd most backward state in the Union which was governed by such luminaries as Earl Long of whom his brother Huey said "Earl is my brother but he's crooked. If you live long enough he'll double cross you. He'd double cross Jesus Christ if He was down here on earth." You stay classy Louisiana.