Peace Bitches!

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Oh hello there. Fancy seeing you here. As you have undoubtedly felt, we have been missing the last couple of days. While there are many reasons for this: work, Fahad's vacation, the performance of Pakistan's Mens Hockey team (more on that later), the primary reason is the depression from GPM's farewell and resignation from the office of President. In case you don't know the details, here's a mini recap courtesy of the Guardian that I've manipulated with some of my own comments, which is probably plagiarism of some sort:

August 1943: Born in Delhi, India. Along with Bollywood star, Jackie Shroff, has the distinction of being one of two babies in India to come out of the womb with a mustache.

1964: After visiting a local palm reader and finding out of the impending filmography of one Sunny Deol, joins the Pakistani army to personally counteract the damage done by classics such as The Hero: Love Story of a Spy.

1998: Becomes army chief of staff.

October 1999: Seizes power in a bloodless military coup, overthrowing the prime minister, Nawaz Sharif. Cements his position as the man in charge by sharing an intimate candlelit dinner with the Mrs. in the Bhutto Bawarchikhana, the Pakistani equivalent of the Lincoln bedroom. Saucy!

June 20 2001: Makes himself president, replacing Rafiq Tarar, while remaining head of the army. Tarar is forced out of office when the parliament that elected him is dissolved. Has Tarar decapitated and uses his skull as a chalice to sip his crunk juice for the remainder of the time he is in power.

July 2001: Holds first meeting with the Indian prime minister, Atal Bihari Vajpayee, at Agra in India. No progress is made because of differences over the disputed territory of Kashmir. Another heavily debated point of contention at the meeting? Sunny Leone vs. Priya Rai(You curious Googlers out there should know that this is very very very NSFW).

September 11th, 2001: Uh, 9/11.

September 2001: George Bush courts Musharraf, asking him to join him in his "war on terror" and help defeat the Taliban in neighbouring Afghanistan. The US president promises Pakistan $1bn in aid....aaaaand twiiiiiinnns.

April 2002: Wins a referendum giving him another five years in office. Observers criticise the referendum as blighted by irregularities. Quips one critic "I haven't seen irregularities in the system like this since that month when I was on an all banana diet...HEYOO." Critic is subsequently booed off the stage at the Apollo for making poop jokes.

May 2002: Pakistan test fires three medium-range surface-to-surface missiles capable of carrying nuclear warheads. Musharraf insists his country would not be the one to initiate war. Follows this up by smirking and stroking his stache, then chuckles and says "No really yaar, Khuda Paak Ki Kasam."

October 2002: Pakistan's first general election since Musharraf seized power in 1999 results in a hung parliament. Privately makes a variation of the same inappropriate "I'll show you a hung parliament" joke to friends on multiple occasions.

November 2002: Mir Zafarullah Jamali becomes the first civilian prime minister since 1999. He is a member of a Musharraf-supporting party. Mir Zafarulla Jamali aka the Original Dmitry Medvedev.

November 2003: Pakistan's National Assembly meets for the first time since 1999. Jalebi and chai is served.

December 2003: Musharraf promises to step down as head of the army by January 2005.

December 2004: Musharraf announces he will stay on as head of the army. Releases a simple, two-word press statement: "Psyche Bitches!"

March 2007: Musharraf suspends the chief justice, Iftakar Mohammed Chaudhry, triggering a wave of anger across the country and the first joint protests held by the parties of exiled former prime ministers Benazir Bhutto and Nawaz Sharif. Probably around the time that he started losing it.

October 2007: Signs a corruption amnesty, opening the way for Bhutto's return and a possible power-sharing agreement. Within hours of Bhutto's arrival back in the country, bombers attack a Bhutto rally in Karachi, killing more than 100 people. A tremendous tragedy, especially considering that all of the people that were killed were from poor neighborhoods who are given money and food to attend such rallies. And we don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but isn't it a bit telling when you need to sign something called a "corruption amnesty" to be let back into the county?

November 2007: Declares a state of emergency, rounding up opposition leaders at gunpoint. In the same month, Musharraf quits as head of the army, becoming a civilian president.

December 15 2007: Lifts state of emergency and announces plans to go ahead with parliamentary elections scheduled for January 8.

December 27 2007: Benazir Bhutto is assassinated at an election rally in Rawalpindi.

January 2008: Elections postponed until February 18.

February 2008: The two main opposition parties gain a clear majority in the elections.

August 2008: The two main parties strike a deal to impeach Musharraf if parliament backs the move.

August 18 2008: Musharraf announces his resignation.

And there you have it. That is basically what's happened in Pakistan the last 9 years under GPM. A lot to like, a lot to not like. We were, for the most part, fans. It is not an overstatement to say that Musharraf was a key figure not only in Pakistan, but globally as well. His decision to side with the US and it's allies during the war in Afghanistan was a tough one, but the right one for the country. He also was a strong representative of Pakistan on the international stage and one the country desperately needed. Not to mention the bestseller he wrote, his surviving multiple assassination attempts, the fact that he was adorable on the Daily Show and most importantly, his lifting of the ban that Nawaz Sharif put on Junoon.

But for all those positives, it does feel like in the end his rule was a failure. He had 9 years to bring about a change in Pakistani politics, to get rid of the characters that brought Pakistan to the situation it was in in 1999. And for a couple of years it looked like it was something that he may be able to accomplish, but he fell under the same trappings of politics and paranoia that befell his predecessors. And for all of his hard work in the early years, who was he forced to leave the country to? Nawaz Sharif and Asif Zardari. The man he ousted on corruption charges and a man who's nickname is Mr. 10% for the money he's jacked from government contracts. Fanfuckintastic.

It was clearly time to go though. He was getting increasingly paranoid and the loss of power was something he was not coping well with. The suspension of the judges, the declaration of state of emergency were not in the best interest of the country and someone else needed to step in. This is the reason why there's a two term limit in America. No one man should have that kind of power over any country. To paraphrase Clemenza from the Godfather, these things gotta happen every five to ten years. It helps get rid of the bad blood. While that is true, we just wish Musharraf left Pakistan in more able hands, like Tom Hagen. Unfortunately, at this time, only Fredo's available.