AAAAAAND WE'RE BACK!!

Happier times.

So, this is our first post in a month or so and while I'd love to provide you with more cuddly animal videos (wasn't that porcupine the cutest!) I can't, because Pakistan is worse than ever which is hard to believe because Pakistan has been pretty terrible some times. If you haven't heard some dudes opened fire on the Sri Lankan cricket team marking the end of any international cricket match held within Pakistan forever. So that's fun because cricket sucks. According to the BBC, at least 5 police men were killed and several Sri Lankan cricket players were wounded. Sanath Jayasuriya, the Sri Lankan captain, said that all of his players were doing well but were in a state of shock. In related news, I'm watching "Billu Barber" and Shahrukh Khan just took out a light saber. As more stuff happens we'll keep you posted but probably not because we don't update regularly so the next time we meet will probably be after all of this blows over and more depressing stuff happens in Pakistan because Pakistan wants to be the new Afghanistan because Afghanistan was so nineties.

You Want Cricket? We Got Cricket!

OOOOOUUUUUZAAAAAYY!!!!! nope? ok then....

India's playing Pakistan today and if you want to watch (I don't know why you would want to but it's your time, waste it the way you feel like wasting it) then here's a link I got courtesy of Ashuar (Usher) Bhai. Enjoy. By the way, I think if you put a video of cricket on a loop a'la Keanu Reeves in Speed it would take approximately 40 overs for anyone to figure it out.

I Miss The IPL

East-Pakistani National Cricket team practice, photo taken yesterday

Desis are getting into a tizzy because India, Pakistan, and East-Pakistan are playing cricket against each other. Which is exciting I guess but the only cricket I could watch with some interest was 20/20 (with Barbara Walters and Hugh Downs) and more specifically the IPL. So as far as I'm concerned cricket is out of my life until the IPL returns next season. To bid it farewell I will post Nike's first Indian commercial, it's about a year old but it has the usual Nike creativity. In related news Nike advertising executive has overtaken Google engineer in corporate dream jobs, that is in the highly unlikely situation that BihariShabab doesn't turn into a media conglomerate and make myself and Raheelium into multi-millionaires (I call a 90-10 split of profits in my favor!). Enjoy.

Your Occasional IPL Update

Your occasional IPL Update is our recap of the daily results of this inaugural IPL season. Here we will summarize the ga....wait, what? Oh makhi chuce! the season's over? Uhh...here's your final IPL Update. With heart-pounding vidjeo!

Sunday, June 1st

Chennai Super Kings vs. Rajistan Royals
Venue: Dr. DY Patel Sports Academy, Mumbai
Rajistan Wins! Rajistan Ki Jeet!

Recap:
In what was a microcosm of an exciting inaugural season for the IPL, Rajistan defeated Chennai on the last ball of the last over. I would provide you with video of the final over but the IPL suddenly decided it was not cool to have it's videos on youtube. Instead here's a videographic recap complete with sexy Indian Man Voice Guy:



He's sounds so manly! Anyway, Shane Watson won Man of The Series while Yusuf Pathan won Man of the Match for collecting 3 wickets and abusing Chennai for 56 off of 39. Sohail Tanvir won the "purple cap" which is either an award for collecting the most wickets for the season (22) or the headgear of his costume in his new afterschool special role as Sohail the Syphillis monster. All in all, really a great time. We do wish we had done a better time covering the league, and hopefully the 3 readers we had enjoyed what we did. In our defense, the IPL website itself hasn't been updated in about 4 days so how about you back the eff up. We promise to do a better job next year. Congrats to the Rajistan Royals, your IPL champs. Phir Mil teh hain, break keh baad(next year).

Your Occasional IPL Update

You may think that posting this feature three days in a row may seem antithetical to the use of the world "occasional" in the title. But really, what over the last 2 weeks could have convinced you that we know what we're doing? High ho, High Ho, to the recap we go....now with videographic evidence!


Thursday, May 15th
Hyderabad at Delhi
Delhi win by 12 runs
A. Mishra 5 wickets for 17 runs, hat-trick

Leading by 14 runs going into the final over, Daredevils captain Virender Sehwag decided to put the game in the ever so silky fingers of Amit Mishra. And oh did young Amit come through. The leg spinner had himself a hat-trick on the first three balls of the over and gave up a measly two runs off the final three. The hat-trick was the second recorded in the inaugural season of the IPL, coming just 5 days after Lakshmipathy Balaji had his against Punjab, which I imagine, must feel like being the first guy to date Jessica Simpson post-Nick Lachey. An undoubtedly impressive accomplishment, but you know, not the same thing. Amit had 5 wickets in all for 17 runs. Game notes: Delhi - Ben Affleck (DNP-Coaches Decision).

Here's Amit's final over:



Friday's Game:
Kolkata at Mumbai

STANDINGS

Teams	Played	Won	Lost	Points	Net Run Rate
	9	7	2	14	+0.592
	9	6	3	12	+0.458
	10	6	4	12	-0.203
	9	5	4	10	+0.619
	10	5	5	10	+0.331
	8	4	4	8	-0.056
	10	2	8	4	-0.380
	9	2	7	4	-1.381

Your Daily IPL Update

Your Daily IPL Update is supposed to be recapped everyd..you know what...back off me man. I've got actual work to do. You will get your update when I say you will and you will like it. On to the games.....


Wednesday, May 7th
Rajistan at Mumbai:
Mumbai wins by 7 Wickets
A. Nehra (Mumbai) 3 wickets for 13 runs

The Mumbai Indians seemed eager to take on league leading Rajistan to show off what the most expensive team money can buy is really capable of. Limiting the Royals to a paltry 103 runs in 16.2 overs, the Indians rode the early momentum to a pretty easy win. Ashish Nehra had 3 wickets for 13 runs for Mumbai while it was more of a "pre-Jadoo Koi Mil Gaya Hrithik" performance for Sohail Tanvir. The lefty gave up a respectable 13 runs in 3.1 overs but had no wickets and was heartbroken as Punjab XI Kings' co-owner Preity Zinta revealed that she can only be with him if he retains his special powers.

Thursday, May 8th
Chennai at Delhi
Chennai wins by 4 wickets on the last ball
G. Ghambir(Delhi) 80 runs off 49 balls

Super King Subramaniam Badrinath lofted the final delivery by Shoaib Malik just barely out of the reach of Shikar Dhawan to bring home the winning run in one of the more exciting matches so far in this inaugural season. Malik gave up 13 runs in the final over including a six and a 4 to Madhu Goni. Gautam Ghambir had 80 for The Daredevils but it was in a losing effort so it was pretty inconsequential, kind of like Katie Holmes' nude scene in "The Gift".

Thursday, May 8th
Bangalore at Kolkata
Kolkata wins shortened 16 over game by 5 runs
Boucher(Bangalore) 50 runs-not out

The Knight Riders of Kolkata came together as a team to put behind the controversy that erupted earlier this week, mostly in my head, regarding co-owner Shahrukh Khan's haww scene that we discovered on youtube, to beat the Royal Challengers of Bangalore. Dale Steyn had 3 wickets for 27 runs for Bangalore while teammate Mark Boucher had a match high 50. And they still lost. No some people will say that Bangalore lose because they scored fewer runs in the alloted time. I say never doubt the pillow eviscerating powers of a Shahrukh Khan nude scene on the psyche of the scoreboard. I didn't watch the game but I'm 75% sure the scoreboard willed itself to change the score out of fear that video Shahrukh's nether regions would be played on it's big screens.

Friday, May 9th
Rajistan at Hyderabad
Rajistan wins by 8 wickets
S. Warne(Rajistan) 2 wickets for 20 runs

Nothing exciting happened in this game. Trust me. Leave me alone I'm tired.


Saturday's Games
Punjab @ Chennai

STANDINGS

Teams	Played	Won	Lost	Points	Net Run Rate
	8	6	2	12	+0.605
	7	5	2	10	+0.442
	8	5	3	10	-0.001
	7	4	3	8	+0.654
	7	3	4	6	+0.461
	7	3	4	6	-0.455
	8	2	6	4	-0.240
	8	2	6	4	-1.309

Eh.....

Shoaib Akhter, the Pakistani fast bowler has been banned for five years by the Pakistan Cricket Board and sued as well. I don't know why because I don't really care about cricket, its a dying sport and a contributing factor to the poverty present in Pakistan, India, East Pakistan (I refuse to recognize Bangladesh as a nation until more than half the population can survive a monsoon), Sri Lanka, really anywhere where its a major sport. I'm pretty sure standing around for 8 hours a day for 5 days isn't a way to promote activity or work or fun. I haven't even read the entire story but I'm positive Shoaib deserved to get banned and sued, he seems like a dick to me. The only reason I posted about this really was so I could link to the greatest moment in cricket history aside from kachra throwing the ball.