Getting To Know Barack Obama

With only one day left before you vote for the next president of the United States of America we've decided to do a recap of both candidates and their running mates. This should help all of you who are on the fence decide on who you want running this great country for the next four years (hint: Barack Obama).

Barack Obama is the Democratic Presidential Nominee. He is the junior Senator from Illinois, in the midst of his first term. This is the first time he has run for President and is the first African American nominee of either major party. Unless you have been living under a Barock the last 2 years, you know who Obama is. He is, as the Republican's correctly identified him, the biggest celebrity in the world and undoubtedly the man of the hour. Regardless of which side you vote for tomorrow, one thing is clear, this entire election is about Barack Obama. You are either voting for him or adamantly voting against him. He is the reason why you are showing up to the poll and the reason why there is passion on both sides. So let's get to know Barack Obama. Is he Muslim? A Marxist / Socialist? Lover of all things Abortion? The secret son of Malcolm X? Join us for a special election edition of Getting to Know Barack Obama.

PS - We know its inconsistent of us to use the above picture of Obama when we have used more intimate pictures of the other three candidates, but there are three reasons why we chose it.
1. We are unabashedly in the tank for Obama.
2. You can't mention the phenomenon that is Barack Obama without making note of the crowds that follow him around. It would be like talking about Pamela Anderson and not mentioning her bosom, or Asif Zardari and not using the phrase "mustachioed-bag of douche".
3. It's a pretty freakin sweet picture.

Name: Barack Hussein Obama II.
Wait, his middle name's Hussein? Oh shit, I hope the Republicans don't find out, that would put this whole thing in jeopardy.
Born: August 4, 1961 in Honolulu, Hawaii...oh no wait, or was it Mombasa Kenya, making him ineligible to be President, as per a law suit that was thrown out last week.
Religion: Protestant Christian...oh no wait, maybe he's Muslim. You see, this is a bit complicated as we will cover.
Family: Obama's father, also named Barack was a Kenyan student studying in Hawaii when he met his Caucasian mother, Ann Dunham. Barack Sr., although born into a Muslim family was never held any religious beliefs and is said to be an atheist. Seriously yaar, he drank alcohol and had premarital relationships with white women, your ammi would never approve. Well we know why your Ammi wouldn't approve, but we'll get to that. Anyway, Barack Jr. moved to Indonesia after his mother got married to an Indonesian fellow named Lolo Soetoro who was also Muslim but also drank. Barack's mother was really into progressive Muslims with an affinity for alcohol. It's a shame she passed away in 1995, she would have gotten along spectacularly well with Salman Khan. They could have made one brawny, attractive, well-spoken Indian kid, who could have been the leader that would bring everlasting peace to the Subcontinent. Although chances are he would've settled for doing item numbers with Malika Sherawat.
Anyway, Obama has a Buddhist half-sister named Maya Soetoro-NG from his mother's marriage to Lolo and roughly 27 half-siblings on his father's side, who spread the Obama seed around the world like it was the antidote to malaria. Obama was mostly raised by his Caucasian maternal grandparents Stanley and Madelyn Dunham(who sadly passed away today) in Hawaii.
He got married to Michelle Robinson, whom he met while interning at a Chicago law firm in the late 80's. Fun fact, their first date was to go watch "Do The Right Thing". Upon leaving the theater they ransacked a white neighborhood and set pictures of white Jesus on fire, while chanting racial epithets. No they didn't do that. They're peace loving, gentle souls and anyone who tells you otherwise is a racist asshole who is threatened by educated, opinionated African Americans. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise, it is what it is. It's not your fault, well it kind of is, but it's probably the way you were raised. So you can thank your racist ignorant douchbag parents. Anyway, the Obama's have two daughters, Malia (born 1998) and Sasha (born 2001) who are totally adorable and about 10 years from being the Black Caroline Kennedys.
Education: Obama went to elementary school in Indonesia until he was 11, leading some to believe he had been educated in Madrassas. And when I say some, I mean Sean Hannity and the functioning idiots that hang off of his balls. He went to high school in Hawaii and started on the state tournament winning basketball team. In his free time he experimented with drugs including marijuana and crack cocaine, which is may be why his favorite show is The Wire. If there's no other reason to vote for him, we should do just because of that. Oh Barack, you had me at "I shot the boy Mike-Mike in his hind parts".
Barack first attended Occidental for two years, but then transferred to Columbia in his junior year and graduated with a degree in 1983 with a degree in Political Science. After that he moved Chicago and became a community organizer for a couple of years. He eventually went to Harvard Law School where he became the BMOC and the first African American president of the Harvard Law Review. Obama was such a star on campus that Blair Underwood, the handsome young star of LA Law and your girlfriend's adulterous dreams, specifically sought him out when he visited the campus. Upon completion of law school, Obama shunned Wall Street firms to return to Chicago to get involved in the local politics.
He Sounds So Nice, Why Would Anyone Not Like Him. Well other than the obvious race thing, Obama does have a history of hanging out with questionable types. And questionable in the way that these are people seasoned politicians know to avoid. He met and served on a board with William Ayers, who was identified as a domestic terrorist and is now a professor at the University of Chicago. He also served on a board with Rashid Khalidi, a vocal critic of Israel, who was also a professor at the University of Chicago and is now a professor at Columbia. Are these controversial figures? Sure they are. But they're not as bad as Fox News would like you to believe they are. Bill Ayers is held in the same negative light as Osama Bin Laden or Spencer from the Hills. But if he was really that bad he wouldn't be a professor at the University of Chicago. Bill Ayers hasn't done nearly as much damaged to the standing of the United States in the world as Dick Cheney and George Bush (both of whom coincidentally endorse McCain). Ok, rant over.
Politics: According to a 2007 National Journal Review rating, Obama was the most liberal of any senator in the United States. You know what that means. If he's elected President with a Democratic congress in power, free abortions for everyone! Also gay marriage will not only be legal but enforced. Every family will have to designate one "gay", or adopt a gay African baby. Prayer will be outlawed, and Jesus will be banned from all school books including the Bible.
So what should we do on Tuesday? You should vote for Obama. Seriously people, don't you think it's time for a change. The argument of this election seems to be the real damage that's been done by the policies of George Bush that John McCain supported with the hypothetical damage that some believe would come of an Obama presidency. Now which path makes more sense, the unproven one or the one that's proven to be wrong?
The selection of their running mates is something that also should be closely considered. It is, after all, their first presidential decision. Joe Biden, as we mentioned earlier today, comes with flaws, he's gaffe-prone, he sometimes says too much, his hair is bewitching. But he is competent and worthy of the position Obama pegged him for. Sarah Palin on the other hand was picked only to titillate and excite the base. Her politics are much further right than even John McCain's. You don't pick a running mate just because you want to win an election, you pick one because they are supposed to help you do your job better.
Also, the fact that the entire world minus Israel (the Palestine Issue), Georgia (McCain supported them against Russia from the get go) and the Philippines (hate basketball) would prefer Obama over McCain is something we should make note of. It's a large, globalized world out there now. America can't just consider itself a superpower and not worry what the rest of the world thinks anymore. The days of swinging our all-mighty giant wang around while the rest of the world bows at it's glory are over. But let's say we still want to use that analogy umm... shouldn't we go with the black guy?
Finally, with the economy in the gutter as it is right now, we can't afford somebody who has openly admitted to being weak on it. Obama has a better handle on the economy and what it would take to get the country out of this mess while McCain supported and championed the deregulation that helped get it into the rut it's in.
For these reasons and because he's a silky smooth black dude, we endorse Barack Obama for president. Sure he's different, an unknown and poses the very real threat of being Malcolm X's bastard son, secretly raised in Hawaii by extremists, biding his time to pounce on the country and turn it into a Marxist homo nation, but we'll go ahead and take our chances.

Getting To Know John McCain

With only one day left before you vote for the next president of the United States of America we've decided to do a recap of both candidates and their running mates. This should help all of you who are on the fence decide on who you want running this great country for the next four years (hint: Barack Obama).

John McCain is the Republican Presidential Nominee. He's been a fixture in politics for decades and served his country in the Vietnam war. He's in his second presidential race, losing eight years ago to George Bush in the primaries. So what does he have to offer us? What will he do once elected? Can he lift his arms above his shoulders? Does he have a Bangladeshi daughter? All your questions will be answered as we get to know John McCain. All of this information is thanks to a source inside the Republican Party, the guy who edited McCain's Wikipedia page....We really should find some new sources.

Name: John Sidney McCain III
Born: August 29, 1936 making him a sprightly 72 years old.
Religion: McCain isn't a very religious man and tends to keep his faith separate from his political beliefs, which may be why he chose Palin to be his running mate.
Education: McCain's father was a four-star Admiral which meant that his family was always moving, therefore he went to 20 schools before his family settled in Northern Virginia and he went to Episcopal High School which was a private boarding school where he graduated from in 1954. He decided to follow in the footsteps of his father and grandfather and go to the Naval Academy in Annapolis. The Wikipedia entry on his time in the Naval Academy is full of excuses. Apparently he was a natural leader and stood up against bullies. He was a rebel and sometimes clashed with high ranking officials which led to his low class ranking of (894/899) "despite his high IQ." He did well in literature and history but struggled with math. Does the fact that he's bad at math make him ill-prepared to lead the U.S. out of this economic crisis? Probably not, but we'll say it does.
Family: McCain has been married twice, first to Carol Shepp in 1965, he adopted her children and they had a daughter together in 1965. When he came back from war (more on that later) he was physically handicapped and so was Carol from a car accident. They also grew apart and when McCain was teaching a flight squadron in Florida in 1976 he started to have affairs and ultimately in 1980 he divorced Carol to marry his second wife Cindy. John and Cindy had their first child, Meghan, together in 1984, then in 1986 their first son, John IV or Jack as he's known, was born, then in 1988 they had another son, and in 1991 Cindy and John adopted a girl from one of Mother Theresa's orphanages and named her Bridgett. Which makes her the only Bengali girl in the world named Bridgett. McCain's sons are also in the military. How come Obama doesn't have a kid in the military? He hates his country.
He seems kind of like your average politician to me. That's because you don't know about his time at war. While McCain was a pretty sub par student because he apparently didn't apply himself he was a pretty good soldier. I mean, at first he wasn't a good soldier because he kept crashing his planes, but after a little while he got the hang of it and went on 23 bombing missions over Vietnam which is 23 more than Obama or Biden combined. He would've gone on 24 but his plane was hit by a missile and he broke both arms and a leg as he crashed into a lake behind enemy lines. Luckily he was pulled ashore before he drowned by North Vietnamese soldiers who then broke his shoulders (so no, he can't lift his arms above his shoulders) with their rifle butts and stabbed him with their bayonets because hey why not. He was taken to the "Hanoi Hilton" which was Hanoi's POW camp for Americans where he was beaten and interrogated. After the Vietnamese found out that his father was an admiral they allowed McCain to receive medical attention and sent him to a hospital where he stayed for 6 weeks in a body cast. After his stay in the hospital he was transferred to another prison where he was put in solitary confinement for two years. When his father was promoted to commander of all forces in Vietnam the North Vietnamese offered to release him but he refused the offer since they wouldn't release those Americans captured before him. After he refused McCain was subject to torture for a year, during which he caved and gave the Vietnamese some propaganda material (what a girl...). In 1972 McCain was returned home and after leaving the Navy in 1981 McCain started his political career and was elected to Congress out of Arizona. Also in 1998 he delivered perhaps the greatest political joke in the history of the United States with this gem; "Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly? — Because Janet Reno is her father." Brilliant.
So what should we do on Tuesday? Again, I'm glad you asked and you came to the right place to find out. There's no doubt that John McCain is an experienced politician and that he has even crossed party lines to push for something he believes in. Plus he was in a POW camp and stayed there even after given the option to leave so he's more man than either of us will ever be. However, I think it goes without saying that the worst president in American history was Ronald Reagan and McCain was a big supporter of Reaganomics and Reagan's foreign policy which included supporting some dictatorial regimes to take down other dictatorial regimes. Also if Chuck D is to be believed Ronald Reagan flooded the inner cities with crack cocaine. McCain is also a very short tempered person and there's been concern that he'll flip out and drop bombs on some poor country whose ambassador annoyed John McCain. Maybe if Bridgett bothers him he'll drop bombs on Bangladesh, I think that's a very real risk at this point. McCain has done some great work in the senate and I doubt he'll be as bad as Reagan was but his strategy on Iraq is very similar to that of Bush's and we all know how that's turning out. This would be a tougher decision had McCain not included Palin on his ticket. I like McCain though, I think he has integrity and he does what he believes is right which does separate him from the majority of politicians in Washington. However, when it comes down to the issues we pretty much know that McCain is going to give us more of what we've already had with Bush. He'll make things better, but by how much? Plus when you add the fact that you'd be voting for Palin as well does that really make you feel better about another four years of a Republican White House? No, I'd urge you on Tuesday to go out there and vote for Obama. Having Palin a heartbeat away from the presidency is much too risky. However, he does like immigrants so your cousin who's been here on a student visa since 1996 would have a chance at being a citizen.

Getting To Know Joe Biden

With only one day left before you vote for the next president of the United States of America we've decided to do a recap of both candidates and their running mates. This should help all of you who are on the fence decide on who you want running this great country for the next four years (hint: Barack Obama).

Joe Biden is the senior Senator from the credit rich state of Delaware(aka Da First State Bitchezz) and on the VP candidate on the Democratic ticket. He has been in senate for 34 years and is one of it's most influential members thanks to his seat on the Judiciary Committee and Foreign Relations Committee. And yet his greatest characteristic may be his ability to connect with the common man, even if he tends to stick his foot in it from time to time. Who is Joe Biden? What does he stand for? What kind of experience does he have? What the eff is that thing on his head? Come let's find out in this special election edition of Getting To Know Joe Biden.

Name: Joseph Robinnette "Bosley Medical" Biden Jr.
Hey Joe Biden sounds like a dirty Mick! First of all shame on you, you racist boob. Secondly, Joe's family is Irish but that doesn't mean he's a drunk anymore than you being a computer nerd because you're Desi. I think I managed to offend two sets of people there. Mission accomplished.
Born: November 20, 1942 in Scranton, PA. So you know, 9 months prior to Joe being born Mr. and Mrs. Biden enacted their own 1942: A Love Story. Pow-Chika-Pow Wow.
Religion: Roman Catholic but he looooves aborting babies, putting him in hot water with his own chruch.
Education: Joe's family moved from Scranton to Claymont, Delaware when he was 11 so his father could find work. In highschool, he was a star halfback/wide receiver in the mold of college-era Reggie Bush leading them to an undefeated season in his senior year. He was not an academic standout but was a leader and participated in an anti-segregation sit-in, a sign of things to come as his career has been defined by how closely he's worked with African Americans. Joe attended the University of Delaware, graduating in 1965 with a double major in History and Political Science. He followed that up with a JD from Syracuse University College of Law in 1968 and entered the Delaware Bar in 1969.
Family: Biden met his first wife, Neilia Hunter while on spring break in 1964. It was because of her that he decided to go to Syracuse for law school as her family was based out of the the cold, barren, devoid of a soul waste dump that is upstate New York. They married in 1966 while Joe was in law school and had three children: Joe (1969), Robert (1970) and Naomi (1971).
When Joe claimed his surprising bid for the Senate in 1972, the Bidens were the picture of an ideal All-American family. At the age of 29, he was the fifth youngest senator in the history of the senate with a bright future ahead of him. But a couple of weeks after the election, Neilia and Naomi were killed in an accident that left Joe III and Robert in critical condition. Joe seriously considered resigning from his seat, but was eventually persuaded to stay in the senate. To make sure that he was there for his ailing sons, Joe traveled by train every day from Delaware to DC, which is something he does to this day. I would go on, but my bitch tears are about to set my keyboard on fire.
Eventually Joe met and married Jill Jacobs, a school teacher, in 1977. Jill and Joe have a daughter Ashley(1981), who is pretty foxy but not as foxy as her mom. Grrr Cougar.
Politics & Experience: Joe was elected to the Senate in 1972 at the tender age of 29 (30 when he was sworn in), and has kept his seat without much competition. He has won 5 additional terms and is the longest tenured Senator in the history of Delaware. He sits on the Senate Judiciary Committee and the Foreign Relations Committee, which is a big reason Barack Obama picked him to be his running mate. Biden is as qualified as any Senator in terms of foreign relations experience and is an ardent supporter of Israel, proclaiming himself a Zionist. So to all those old Jews in Florida worried about Obama's stance on Israel, how do you like them Mozza Balls? He is pretty liberal and has received high marks from the crime, education, environment, health, and homeland security lobbies. He has received an F from the Gun lobby even though he's the owner of a shotgun, which he threatened to shoot Barack Obama with if Obama came after it. Awesome. Biden is also supportive of guest-worker visas and wanted to provide Social Security to illegal immigrants as he believes in the path to citizenship. He is against Internet piracy and file sharing though, so that means he's for transporting Chinese illegals in shipping containers as long as they don't have a pirated version of High School Musical 3 on them. If the Republicans really wanted to connect with the average male American, they should have run on a "Biden wants to take away your Porn" platform. They would be up 69 points in the polls...HEYOOO!
Biden has run for President twice, in 1988 and 2008. His campaign in 1987 got off to a strong start, raising the most money out of the three major candidates (Biden, Michael Dukakis, and Dick Gephart), but enthusiasm quickly dissipated as the campaign failed to find it's identity. The entire thing came to a crashing halt when Joe was accused of plagiarizing a speech by British politician Neil Kennock. Joe had correctly cited a speech by Kennock as part of his stump speech until he forgot to do it once. Charges of plagiarism from as far back as Law school were revealed(incorrect citations on a paper) and that was that. Meanwhile, Sean Combs hasn't created an original piece of music in the last 15 years and his punishment was having an extended relationship with Jenifer Lopez and approximately 187 models, singers and actresses. Maybe if Biden just played Kennock's speech and freestyled over it with random "Yeah Yeahs", "Yo Baby"s and "Ha..haaa..that's right"s, he would've not only been President but also won 4 Grammys and gotten to sleep with Cassie.
Biden's bid in 08 was, well we all know what happened there.
Health: Biden almost died from an Aneurysm in 1988 that had begun leaking, but since then has enjoyed a fairly clean bill of health. Some have raised an eyebrow over the fact that Joe doesn't seem to be able to raise his eyebrows anymore, but the campaign denies the use of Botox. Also, it seems he has magically regrown hair, his own hair, that feels completely natural, and not ridiculous like a wig. Joe can now go swimming and date younger women as per the pictures that come in the brochure.
So what should we do on Tuesday? Well considering you don't actually get to vote for a Vice President, the measuring stick for an VP candidate is if they take something away from the top of the ticket. Joe Biden, for all his gaffes and questionable elective surgeries, brings way more to the table than he takes away. Supremely competent and with the experience that a young President would need while they get their bearings in the Whitehouse, Biden is exactly who Obama needed on his ticket(Sorry Hillary supporters). Throughout his career he has been vocal for what he believes in and hasn't shied away from making people uncomfortable. When it comes to VPs, we could do a lot worse. So go out there and vote for Joe Biden. He's loud, he's proud and he's got a somewhat full head of hair.

Getting To Know Sarah Palin

With only one day left before you vote for the next president of the United States of America we've decided to do a recap of both candidates and their running mates. This should help all of you who are on the fence decide on who you want running this great country for the next four years (hint: Barack Obama).

Sarah Palin has been arguably the most controversial figure of this election. She was picked by John McCain to be his running mate in August and since then she's captured the imagination of Americans all over America with her can do spirit and her hockey mom attitude! But what do we really know about our potential vice-president? The following information is brought to you by Wikipedia and for once the Encyclopedia Britannica! but mostly Wiki since the Encyclopedia is pretty lacking in information, no wonder Wiki has replaced you Britannica.

Name: Sarah Louise Heath Palin
Hey Sarah Heath Palin sounds like a woman! That's because she is and a competent one at that (a competent woman! chortles). She is the first female governor of Alaska and the first female to run on the Republican Party's National Ticket.
Born: February 11, 1964 in Sandpoint, Idaho. her family moved to Alaska before she was one.
Religion: She was born a Catholic then went to a Pentecostal Church, but since 2002 she has belonged to an independent congregation and considers herself a "Bible-believing Christian" she's also been described as deeply religious by her campaign spokesperson.
Education: In highschool Palin was the starting point guard for the highschool basketball team in Wasilla when they won the state champion. She also led her school's chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Palin attended four colleges before graduating with a degree in communications/journalism from the University of Idaho in 1987, including Hawaii Pacific University for a semester and Matanuska-Susitna Community College in 1984 after finishing third in the Miss Alaska Pageant. That may reflect poorly on her until you think back to 1945 when Harry Truman was elected president even though he never even went to college and hey, a degree's a degree.
Family: Palin eloped with her "child-hood sweetheart" Todd in 1988 not because she was pregnant but because she didn't think her parents could afford a big wedding. In 1989 Palin gave birth to her first son, Track. I can guarantee you that if she gave birth to a set of twin boys their names would've been Track and Field, God she's a hill-billie, also Track enlisted in the Army and is currently serving in Iraq for 12 months. Anyways, in 1990 she gave birth to her first and most embarrassing daughter, Bristol, who is notable for being five months pregnant when her mother was picked to be McCain's running mate. Palin gave birth to two more daughters; Willow, who I was sort of into until I just now learned that she was born in 1995....wow I feel terrible about that, and Piper, who I do not find attractive at all, was born in 2001. She has one more son, Trig who was born in 2008 and was prenatally diagnosed with downs syndrome. No joke there, moving on.
Politics: Sarah Palin was chosen by McCain to appeal to the blue collar, hard working, America loving, good, honest people in the rural parts of this country. She's supposed to appeal to the everyman and inject some vitality in the Republican campaign. She proved to be an effectual mayor when she was mayor of Wasilla and improved the town's infrastructure and increased the operating budget. Which is nice until you realize Wasilla is a town of 10,000 people which probably means that infrastructure is an extra stop sign on main street. Sarah Palin is pro-life and that's pretty much it. She also has extensive foreign policy experience because she governed Alaska which is as foreign to most Americans as Nicaragua.
So what should we do on Tuesday? First of all I'm glad you asked and I'm glad you recognize me as the political pundit that I am. I can't force you to vote either way, I'm pretty sure that's illegal, but Sarah Palin is woefully in over her head. She's a competant woman who loves Alaska and she's a good Governer and would probably be a good Senator too but she cannot address the needs of the United States of America because she's a hill-billie. Also, what people are ignoring is that she's from Alaska. How many of us go moose hunting and play pond hockey? I know Alaska is technically a state but that's just because it has oil. In reality Alaska and Hawaii are territories just like Puerto Rico except more valuable and with less Reggaeton (Daddy Yankee supports the Republican ticket, if that influences your vote one way or the other. By the way, his hit song "Gasolina" is about a woman's love for his sperm, rock the vote!). The only reason you should vote for a ticket with Sarah Palin is if you would love to see another Zardari-Palin meeting or if you're a racist.

Getting To Know Mustafa Kamal

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die...

If the Mercer Quality of Living survey was to be believed, Karachi is currently the 3rd most dangerous city in the world to inhabit, right behind Baghdad and Kinshasa, the capital of the Republic of the Congo. That's some pretty badass company to be in. I mean we all know what's going on with Baghdad, but no way are we sleeping on Kinshasa. I've seen "Blood Diamond", I know all about the child soldiers and the diamond mines, and frankly if Leo and his South African accent can't tame them, then who are we to try. Anyway, the point here is that Karachi is apparently an extremely dangerous place to be kicking it these days (i.e. I haven't heard from Fahad in 7 days). So who do you call upon to lead the municipal government of a place that makes pre-Bruce Wayne Gotham look like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory? Khawateen o' hazarat..meet mayor Mustafa Kamal!

Name: Mustafa "Masti" Kamal
Hey, Mustafa Kamal? That sounds sort of familiar to me but I can't put my finger on it: Perhaps you are thinking of Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, the founder of the Republic of Turkey....nerd.
Date of Birth: No confirmation on this. Either 1971 or 1972 according to various online sources. We think he probably shaved off a year for around 2001. Yaar, it's just harder to get rishta's after you hit 30.
Place of Birth: Wait a second...East Pakistan? And they elected him Mayor of the biggest city of Pakistan-proper? For the love of Rashid Minhas, who let this happen?
Official Title: Nazim Mustafa Kamal. Gotta admit, that sounds pretty hot. Diddy should sign him to a deal purely based on that title and that badass goatee.
Education: Undergraduate from Malaysia. MBA in Marketing from the University of Wales
Biwi / Bachay: Yes. Not a lot of information available on Mrs. Nazim, but met her during undergrad in Malaysia. She's from Tanzania, which I think is somewhere in East Africa, but since I don't want to look it up, I'm going to say all the women there look like a hybrid of Rihana and the hot South African lady in Lethal Weapon 2. SCORE Mr. Mayor! Bonus points on the Love marriage.
Political Background: Young Mustafa used to run with the Muttahida Qaumi Movement (MQM) crew back in the day. By his own admission, he has took time out from school and got into trouble with law post "matric"(10th grade). Loitered for a couple of years with the MQM and never completed his schooling in Pakistan. Left in 96 to study abroad. After completing his MBA, he took up an IT job in the UAE. Came back to Karachi to look after his mother after the passing of his father in 2002. Once back in Karachi, took up again with the old crew who convinced him to run for office within the Sindhi government. Elected as a member of Parliament in 2002, and assigned to the Office of Minister of Information Technology for the state of Sindh. Ran for mayor in 2005, easily defeating incumbent Naimatullah Khan by a margin of 1493 to 800.
Political Views: Upon his arrival into office, Mayor Mustafa has managed to avoid major political controversy and instead focused exclusively on fixing the city's infrastructure. He has aligned himself with the government of Prime Minister Pervez Musharraf which up to this point has been fruitful. Although that may change as the hybrid two headed monster that is the PPP and Nawaz Sharif's Muslim League continue their lovefest and gain more power.
Accomplishments: Has spent half a billion dollars on water and sewer projects in the poorest areas of the city over the last two years that are viewed at as a major success. In addition, under his watch the city has completed 6 over and underpasses that have brought some relief from the usually debilitating traffic. Work is also underway on a 47 story IT tower (The Prodigal Son Returns!) that would be one of the biggest in Asia.
Outlook: From what we have seen on the Mayor there is a lot to like. If he can continue to avoid the political traps, he may very well accomplish a lot before his time is up. There will of course be situations like the one in May when while he was on a trip to the US, the board was temporarily seized in a coup by the PPP. Why? Mostly because they were bored or some shit and that's what you do in Karachi when the boss is away. It was overturned a couple days later and order was restored but the point is it would be silly to think that everything will be smooth sailing from here on out. The mayor needs to stick to his guns as he has done thus far and treat these issues for what they are. Minor inconveniences that come with the job.
He is very loyal to where he came from, but realizes that the best for the city and even for the party for that matter is for him to keep his nose clean. He is open, down to earth and best of all can apparently program if you need him to. He is a bit idealistic, believing he can turn Karachi into Dubai within five years, which seems to be a bit of a pipe dream. But he should be admired for aiming for such a goal and working towards it.

We will end with this clip of the Mayor taking it hard to the audience while addressing a business community meeting:

Getting to Know Fareed Zakaria.

We at BihariShabab pride ourselves on writing a blog that is not only a great way to waste time but also a great way to learn. A little while back you learned about Bobby Jindal and today I'm going to teach you a little about another brown man making a name for himself here in the United States of America: Fareed Zakaria.
Fareed Zakaria is an editor and columnist for Newsweek as well as the author of a few books including "The Post-American World" on which there was some guftagu on "Mere Mutabiq" (I laugh when he says General Kallu....KALLU!) which I watched but didn't understand. Zakaria is popular amongst the liberals in the nation and has been featured on several television shows, most notably The Daily Show. Zakaria came to prominence after 9/11 when he wrote the acclaimed essay "Why They Hate Us." Zakaria's name has recently come up in discussions as a potential Secretary of State under Obama sahib, although that's really just a pipe dream and he says as much. So, what's the big deal? Well he's a brown man with a realistic and progressive foreign policy and he's living the American dream, that's right he's married to a white woman! Let's break this down a little. Information again courtesy of Wiki and my own brilliant mind, but mostly Wiki.

Name: Fareed Zakaria
Hey Fareed Zakaria Sounds Desi! that's because he was born in Mumbai to Rafiq Zakaria, a minister in the government and Fatima Zakaria, a former editor of the Times of India. So he's built for this, basically it's like if Secretariat and Shahrukh Khan reproduced. I don't think that needs an explanation.
Born: January 20, 1964 (44 years old) be sure to send him an E-card.
Religion: Islam (there goes that secretary of state job), however he is not a practicing Muslim and he is raising his kids as either Protestant or Muslim, he doesn't seem to care. Also he was a wine critic for Slate. HARAM! and Slate sucks.
Education: Metric pass; Cathedral and John Connon school in Mumbai. BA: Yale University where he was president of the Yale Political Union. Ph.D from Harvard.
Cut: 5'10, fair skin.
Biwi/Bachey: As stated above Fareed's wife, a miss Paula Throckmorton Zakaria, is a gauri. There are no pictures of her so I'm gonna assume that as a couple they look a little like this. She's a Harvard M.B.A. so I'm assuming they met when she went to Mumbai to shoot a movie about Indian revolutionaries during the British Raj in which Fareed played Bhagat Singh. They have three children; Omar, Lila, and Sofia. I knew of a family with the same racial dynamic where the kids were named Jeffery/Jaffrey, Shawn/Shaan, and Cameron/Kamran. I thought that was a clever compromise.
Political Views: Fareed mian is a realist. Meaning he has some kick ass foreign policy ideas. He doesn't like the way the Bush administration forces democracy upon nations lacking civil liberties, reasoning that liberty has preceded democracy in functioning democracies in the world. He supported the Iraq war but became critical once it was apparent that it wasn't going to be a Bosnia/Kosovo type UN led invasion. Socially I don't know what his views are but given that he's pro-sharab and pro-white woman I'm going to say that he's ambivalent/liberal, he seems to be focused more on the international than the national.
Hey wait, he seems like a great guy: well that's probably because so far he is. He could possibly be the greatest Secretary of State since Cordell Hull (father of the UN). Too bad he's a Muslim, otherwise that could have been a real possibility. As for his personal life, that may turn off many conservative South Asians. I understand your qualms but I'd have to say that his foreign policy is for the most part impeccable, he understands Arab and South Asian politics and society unlike any other western observer. And ultimately, aren't you more worried about whether or not your family in South Asia may have a bomb dropped on them by the United States or whether or not the gay guy that works at the Banana Republic is gonna get married to another gay guy?
So should we vote for him? sorry, that's not-applicable since he's a dirty immigrant.

Yeh Bobby Bobby Kaun Hai? Yeh Bobby Bobby..

By now, I'm sure we have all heard the name Bobby Jindal. Perhaps just in passing, maybe in a Hurricane Katrina special on CNN, or maybe you came upon it late one night, in the comfort and privacy or your home, while googling "Senator Barney Frank Spank"(Jump to 6:45, it's a long clip).
Either way, we don't think the young governor has been given enough attention from the desi community. Especially considering his impressive accomplishments at such a young age and more importantly because he is about to become a whole lot more relevant to the American Political discourse (does that make us sound like douchebags?). Anyway, here's a little background on the soon to be Republican VP nominee courtesy of Wiki.

Name: Bobby Jindal
Hey Bobby doesn't sound Desi: First name actually Piyush, adopted Bobby from watching the Brady Bunch (aw, that's cute)
Born: June 10th, 1971 (37 years old), Baton Rouge, LA (hence in the running for VP)
Religion: Born Hindu, converted to Catholicism in High School. This could be the first hurdle in attaining the desi vote because that revelation may at first seem a little dubious, if only because we tend to be cynical about that kind of stuff, but upon further review is absolutely genuine. Bobby doesn't hold back on defending his Catholic faith, sometimes even more strongly than it might behoove him. You can read more about it on www.jindalonreligion.com an excellent sampling of his writings and speeches on the subject.
Education: Undergraduate from Brown in Biology and Public Policy ('91). Masters in Political Science from Oxford(Rhodes Scholar). Impressive!
Biwi / Bachay: Supriya Jindal (36). Met Bobby in high school, but did not date him until 1996 when his date to a Mardi Gras Ball canceled at the last minute, so I guess that's cute too. She looks kinda like the good bahu on a Zee TV soap opera, so that's good, but they kiss and dash in public, which will probably make desi voters uncomfortable as it gives me the heebs n' jeebs.
3 Kids - Selia Elizabeth, Shaan Robert & Slade Ryan (sweet names).

Political Background:

• Got his start in 1996 when he was appointed by then Governor of Lousiana, Murphy Foster Jr., to the office of Secretary of Louisiana Department of Health and Hospitals. In 3 years, converted a $400 million deficit to a $220 million surplus.
  
• He was appointed to a number of different commissions from that point on
  
• The most notable appointment came in 2001 when he was unanimously confirmed to the office of Assistant Secretary of Health and Human Services for Planning and Evaluation based on the nomination of W. Or wait was it Assistant to the Secretary of Health and Human Services for Planning and Evaluation...same thing...no it's not. Anyway, at 30, Bobby is the youngest person ever assigned to that post.
• Ran in and and lost the 2003 Louisiana Gubernatorial Election by a margin of 52-48
• After losing the election, ran for and won the seat vacated by David Vitter in Louisiana's 1st congressional district. David Vitter admitted to using a DC madame in 2007 which has nothing to do with anything but allows me to link to this terrific video.
• After two years in the House, Bobby ran for and easily won the Governorship of Louisiana. He's the youngest governor in the US, and the first non-white governor of Louisiana since the civil war, when a guy named P.B.S Pincher was in office for 35 days. He was biracial and P.B.S is clearly a rap name.

Political Views: Jindal is hardcore ultraconservative. He's pro-life, anti-stem cell research, supports teaching intelligent design in school, not a big fan of the separation between church and state, voted for making the Patriot Act permanent, voted against gay marriage, wants to fence up the borders and received an A Rating from the Gun Owners of America.
Hey Wait, He Kinda Sounds Like a D-Bag: Well I guess that depends on your definition of a d-bag. Like we said, he is ultraconservative and like any good Desi kid, he goes about proving it by showcasing his conservatism 100%.
In doing my background for this post, there were two positive things that stand out above anything else about Bobby Jindal.
1) He is ridiculously competent.
2) He absolutely believes everything that he says.
As you can imagine both of those qualities are refreshing.
Of course the major negative is that he really doesn't have a kinship with his fellow desis or minorities in general. It's seems as if he's trying to out-conservative the most conservative members of the Republican party so that no one can point a finger at his let's say "nontraditional" appearance. His policies and his voting record make him come off as a "close the door behind me" type of immigrant, which I guess, isn't uncommon in our community.
So Should We Vote For Him: That comes down simply to what direction it is that you believe this country should go into. When it comes to the technicality of being a public servant, Bobby Jindal is easily one of the most well equipped candidates you could find. He's hard working, honest, brilliant and does the work he promises to do. If you agree with the things he stands for there's no one better for you to cast your vote for. If you disagree with him, then you better hope he loses because there's no way he's not going to deliver.