The Miss Universe pageant was on last night and if you watched it you are totally gay dude. I completely forgot about the event and was surprised to see that it had taken place but I wasn't surprised to discover that I'm the smartest man alive. I called it ladies and gentleman, Dayana Mendoza of Venezuela is our new Miss Universe. Unfortunately this means that none of us has a shot at Miss Mendoza because she's sure to be surrounded by security. Other highlights; Scary Spice, of Spice Girls fame, and sleazy American, Jerry Springer, were sent to Vietnam to host the event. Miss India wasn't in the top 5 and will now have to settle for South Indian skin flicks. This year's event was full of unique contestants. Venezuela's Dayana Mendoza was kidnapped when she was younger and credits the experience for teaching her to keep her poise under pressure. Miss Angola was in a plane crash when she was trying to flee her country's civil war (that's why you shouldn't run from your problems) and Miss Argentina has had a "para-normal experience" so she's not shaadi material. The lowlight of the night was Miss USA, Chrystle Stewart, falling down in the evening gown competition (video below). It's pretty terrible, I wouldn't even wish this on Miss East Pakistan. This is of course the second year in a row Miss USA has tripped on stage. Perhaps a kidnapping would help Miss USA hopefuls develop poise. I'll put that on my to do list.
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