BihariShabab Biwi Prospectus 2008

It's terrible photoshopping but Aamir doesn't seem to care.

We know that a sizable portion of the BihariShabab movement is male. For you we have constructed a potential wife/Miss Universe '08 preview. For the ladies, we don't discriminate, so email us and we'll show you not only our biodatas but also the biodatas of several notable desis. Having a comprehensive preview of all the lasses is much too tiring so instead I'll only include the shining stars, to see the ladies who couldn't win our hearts watch the awards on July 14 in Vietnam, you don't actually have to be in Vietnam to watch but that's where it's taking place. You can watch on TV but don't because that's totally gay. The links are all SFW, no bikini shikini....CHI!

Madina Taher, Germany:
Pros: Remember that Aryan race that Hitler pictured? yeah, well Madina Taher is the opposite of that what with her being an immigrant from Afghanistan. Also having her come from Afghanistan is a big plus when you introduce her to the parents.

Cons: She's got a child and since this is the MISS Universe pageant instead of the Mrs. Universe pageant we're gonna have to assume that the child was born out of wedlock. Call us old fashioned but that isn't first wife material. Maybe second. Maybe.

Final Verdict: If you have a wife who's all cool with polygamy then she may be aiight but if you're looking for a pehla pehla pyaar then maybe you should look elsewhere like maybe....

Angelica Lightbourne, Turks and Caicos:
Pros: Miss Lightbourne may have the greatest name in the entire pageant so that's something. Also when she's nagging you to go visit your in-laws you can counter by saying Turks and Caicos is not a real place and as such there is no way for you to get there.

Cons: Look, we at BihariShabab love ladies of color, whether it be black, brown, white, and whatever color East Asians are (is yellow racist? are they yellow?). But our parents are of the old world so bringing lovely Angelica home to sign them marriage papers may cause a little ruckus.

Final Verdict: Angelica is a lovely lady but if you're afraid of your parents you might want to avoid her, hard as it may be. Otherwise, I wish you the best of luck.

Yara Naoum, Egypt:
Pros: Well, she's Arab and Arab food is good. She says she has a strange sense of humor so maybe she'd marry one of us as a joke. That'd be a good one Yara!!....call me.

Cons: She's acted in a major Egyptian film which is like being proud of acting in "Laarki Panjaban" from Lollywood. So she's not competent.

Final Verdict: Yara's biodata deserves some consideration but not too much since she is essentially a young Egyptian Meera.

Samantha Tajik, Canada:
Pros: Quite possibly the most attractive woman in the entire competition, Samantha was born in Iran and raised in Canada. She's also a fantastic looking woman. Samantha, or Sammy as I lovingly call her, lost her luggage on her way to Vietnam so Miss Japan and Miss Korea were nice enough to loan her an evening gown and shoes. My point is that if another contestant is going to let you borrow their evening gown then you must be a great person to get along with. She's hot.

Cons: Well....hmm.....losing her luggage shows a bit of carelessness. She's also the International Model of The Year so maybe she's too pretty.

Final Verdict: Sammy is a looker. She deserves a call and you should probably go ahead and fax the marriage papers right over. Unfortunately she's probably too big time for you or us. So I'm going to say that I wasn't that into her anyways. No seriously I'd marry her.

Simran Kaur Mundi, India:
Pros: Well she's desi so I'm sure she knows how to make biryani and nihari (bihari?). Also she'll probably be an actress so you can accompany her on the red carpet and try to break up that Kareena Kapoor - Saif Ali Khan travesty.

Cons: Well...too be honest, Simran only made this list because she's Indian. She really isn't that great a person and she's got a scar on her thigh from trying to save a puppy's life. TRYING! meaning she didn't save it, meaning she's a puppy killer.

Final Verdict: She kills puppies but she makes nihari (I think) so she's definitely marriage material.

Crystle Stewart, USA:
Pros: Let's let Crystle tell us; "I am more than just a pretty face. I am a college graduate, a business owner, a professional teacher and a humanitarian."

Cons: Well we've got that unpleasant Angelica Lightbourne business again. Also Crystle's more than just a pretty face and that's never good.

Final Verdict: Crystle is nice, she's ambitious, and she loves to research online so she may notice us (maybe you if you commented, jerk). But she's got a little too much Omarosa in her for our comfort. Marriage material but only if you're a competent person or can handle Crystle wearing the pants in your relationship.

Sinem Sulun, Turkey:
Pros: For our Muslim readership this may be obvious.

Cons: Her Miss Universe interview page is unique in that she's only asked two questions. So she's either not much of a talker or she's really annoying and the interviewer couldn't stand her. We'll bank on the latter.

Final Verdict: Other than Miss India, Sinem may be the easiest to bring home for the shaadi because she's petite and you could easily kidnap her. I kid. She's a Muslim so for a Muslim she may be the best choice here. Or not. Depending on how you look at it.

Shunit Faragi, Israel:
Pros: Shunit wants to be an accountant so she's practical. She served in the military so she's tough. Realistically she's a great girl.

Cons: For our Muslim readership this may be obvious.

Final Verdict: If you have no aversion to women who served in the military or Israelis or any combination of the two then I say that Shunit maybe the one for you. Mazletov.

Dayana Mendoza, Venezuela:
Pros: Quotes Oscar Wilde without sounding like an ass. She was kidnapped. While not really a good quality in itself it's a pretty ridiculous story that you can tell others when you go to dawaats. Also, maybe more attractive than Samantha Tajik, a feat previously thought impossible.

Cons: She's been independent since the age of fifteen. Again, while not necessarily a bad thing, I sense some control issues. She's a successful model so she may be out of your league (I'm still in it baby!).

Final Verdict: Dayana is pretty great. She's ridiculously attractive and survived a kidnapping which I imagine is stressful, I'll ask Sinem about it later. She's an independent woman which may not sit well with some guys. For the others she's definitely marriage material.

We wish you all the best of luck and reserve the right of primae noctis if any of you manage to trick some of these women into marriage.