Well That's Just An Awful Idea

Kya Thobra Hai! Tuh Tuh Tuh....

By now you all have probably heard the news about the impending Sylvester Stallone / Akshay Kumar / Kareena Kapoor cluster eff that's being paraded around like it's a milestone for the Indian Film Industry. But seeing as how we are one of the leading voices of Desi pop-culture in the blogosphere (of our mind at least), I thought it warranted a post, mainly so I could be on record right now as to just how horrible an idea I think it is. Before we do that, how about some background info:

"Stallone has signed up for a cameo role in Kambakht Ishq, a big budget blockbuster starring Indian heart-throb Akshay Kumar." .... "It will be filmed at Universal Studios in Los Angeles, with Kumar in the starring role as an all-action stuntman.

Stallone will be one of several celebrities playing themselves - in addition to Schwarzenegger, actress Denise Richards has also been approached about a part."

Wow, I really was much more riled up before reading Denise Richards may be in it too. Let's just say she will forever have a special place in my heart for setting off a chain of events that ended with me attaining the ability to grow my first mustache.

It's a good time to be involved in Indian movies. Between the Reliance/Dreamworks deal, the popularity of Aishwariya Rai amongst a league of international perverts and the steady rise in Shahrukh's visibility internationally, there is going to be a lot of money being thrown at Indian filmmakers. Spending $22Million (the highest budget in Hindi movie history by the way) on a story about a stuntman falling in love in Hollywood is a wasted opportunity. I bet the entire budget will be spent on adequate action scenes or to pay for CGI work on Kareena's cottage cheese thighs (Bear with me, I'm just hating, I really am a big fan of Mrs. Kapoor Khan). But why would the average viewer want to watch 2nd rate action scenes when you can watch better executed fare in your average run of the mill Hollywood movie. Also is casting Sylvester Stallone in the middle of his 80's movie revival period really that big a get at this point? Did they have to drag him off the set of "Stop Or My Granddaughter Will Shoot?"(You knew that was coming...I'm sorry).

There are so many more gifted filmmakers in India who could do a hell of a lot more with that kind of cash. Why not give it to someone like Ram Gopal Varma or Raj Kumar Santoshi. You know guys who actually pay more attention to the plot then figuring out the best angle to shoot Malika's item number. You know you can throw $22Million at a period Jenna Jameson feature called "Pompeii", but it won't change the fact that it is an adult movie. Sure there might be snazzy Hi-Def, multi-angle features on the DVD not to mention multiple soundtrack options. But at the end of the day are you really attracting more viewers just because there's a reenactment of the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in the background of the climactic scene (although that would be terrific symbolism). Not that I would know anything about any of that stuff because I don't know how those movies work. Forget I mentioned it.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that while it's good to see Hindi Cinema getting this exposure, because it is long overdue, the people in charge have to make sure that they put their best foot forward. Otherwise it's just going to be another fad that comes and goes. Don't believe me? Ask Ricky Martin. 9 years ago he was ruling charts all over the world. Now he has to admit to an affinity for Golden Showers to get attention. I really really hope that one day Akshay doesn't have to do the same.