Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Best Thing You Will See All Week

The clip below is from Britain's Got Talent, the show that America's Got Talent is based on but which I will refer to as "the ripoff of America's Got Talent" because of my deeply rooted hatred for the English. They killed William Wallace!

Anyway, please watch the entire thing. I've watched it about 7 times and get goosebumps with each viewing. It's for an act called Signature and it's like that Kashif Memon guy only it's not, you know, cringe inducing and a thinly veiled attempt to take advantage of a dopey Pakistani caricature for web hits.

Anyway, here you go...

They really are quiet terrific.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Award Winning Beastiality!


Ok, award winning photography is one thing but I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Nature and Humans have always come into contact: flicking the nasty mosquito sucking your blood, peeing in the bushes when you can't find a rest area, a bird pooping on your windshield, getting chased by a squirrel or two, accidentally stepping on an earthworm's head (or was that the butt?) after it has rained... aiight, you get the point. And maybe I'm just being zaleel about this, but seriously now, this connect between humans and nature needs to be taken inside the abode! Or better yet, not be happening at all. I wouldn't want to be sharing my mama's milk with Bambi! Would you? Unparalleled my arse!!

I can't even fathom as to what her kid will grow up thinking. But I'm pretty damn sure none of the animals nor Bambi's kids in the village will be malnutritioned or starved to death! Maybe they'll all be wearing orange dresses too.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Ahmed Does it Again!!

India launched 10 satellites at one go. A remarkable feat by any standards since the entire operation lasted only 20 minutes. Which is pretty impressive considering I have tried all the given techniques here and manage a proud 9 min and 47 seconds (The timing goes down considerably if I’m doing this using the latest issue of Desi Baba’s Book of Auntie Kahania). Anyways back to the launch. You can see the video here (Yash Raj animation included):

What you guys don’t know however is that Pakistan was not to be left behind. The ISI (Inter Services Incest) once again took the help of the faithful Ahmed Chutney Company. Yes, Ahmed is not only making yummy and noxious paadh inducing achar but also truly and deeply involved in the Indo-Pak politics. This video released in secrecy shows how they went about their operation to thwart the newly launched Indian satellite. You may recognize the radar operator as Jadoo the alien from Koi Mil Gaya before he went neela:

Thursday, April 24, 2008

BC of The Week! (presented by Fair and Lovely); Andrei Kirilenko

The Utah Jazz are playing the Rockets tonight as the Rockets try to avoid a 3-0 series deficit. Of course this game would've been much more exciting had Andrei Kirilenko not been a BC and flop last game as Bobby Jackson was hitting the game tying 3 pointer. For those of you who didn't watch this travesty unfold I present to you some horrific video. If you have an extreme dislike for bitch-made BCs I suggest you not watch the video, otherwise here it is:

Shameful right? Unfortunately instead of celebrating Jackson's game tying shot, I should have recognized that Kirilenko was in on the play and as such I should have realized that he would pull a dick move and ruin T-Mac's attempt to get out of the first round (seriously I don't think I can handle another emotional Tracy McGrady press conference, my heart can't take that kind of sadness.) Even worse this wasn't Kirilenko's first flop and it wasn't even his grandest, oh no, we have this gem:

Look at that bitch fly! For these reasons and the fact that he's a Godless commie bastard and has a weird face, Andrei Kirilenko is our "BC of The Week!"
If the Rockets lose again I'm punching a hole through my TV.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Hindi Fillum Preview: Love Story 2050


Hell bent on proving that the space time continuum is no match to the truly awesome power of making a shitty film, Harry Baweja presents Love Story 2050. The film, which stars your future bhabhi Priyanka Chopra and Harry's boy Harman who kinda looks like Hrithik Roshan's unfortunate looking second cousin, is about love and time travel or something. Here's the synopsis from wiki:

Boman Irani plays an eccentric scientist who has dedicated 15 years of his life into building a time the opening shots Boman is shown jubilating with his successful invention.the character played by Harman Baweja along with his girlfriend(Priyanka Chopra) sets out on a journey to the year 2050 through the time machine.then, they land in a futuristic Mumbai having flying cars, holograms, robots and Indian ninjas.the story moves further from there.

15 years to build a time machine? That's a pretty impressive accomplishment when you consider that my paapi dil, which by the way is equally as eccentric, has dedicated the last 15 years of it's life to figuring out whether or not Karishma Kapoor is hot and still hasn't reached a conclusion. It should gets it's act together and maybe hire a life coach.

Love Story 2050 is due to open June 13th 2008, but should be available on DVD at Patel Video two days later.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Keep me in jail.

Two Pakistani boys, ages 10 and 16, were, unfortunately for them, returned to their parents after running away to India for three days. After a day and a half the parents decided to give up all hope in finding their kids. These kids are in for the beating of a lifetime. The fact that the kids gave themselves up to Indian police is unforgivable, I would rather live in extreme poverty than return home after three days and explain to my father why I stole his money to go "sight-seeing" in India. My father amputated my left leg below the knee because I forgot to mow the lawn. Now we have a riding lawnmower...true story. Also because this was a kinda shitty post I decided to throw in a little something special....a never before seen youtube clip! by that I mean I didn't watch this before posting and probably won't watch it until tomorrow, but an Indian parody of crank dat soulja boy! how bad could it be?

you're welcome.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

New UPS Commercial Makes Me Feel Naapak

I'm sure we've all seen the adorable UPS commercial with the mullet-y dude drawing on the white board with the hipster music in the background. I love it, you love it, we all love it. You'd have to be a kitten hating Nazi not to love it. Just to jog your memory, here's a hit of it's sweet sweetness:

Boom! Cute, simple, effective and basically the best 22 seconds on TV not involving an errantly televised titty that somehow escaped the treacherous tentacles of the FCC.

Well, I have bad news. For some reason, UPS feels the need to go green screen on us and completely ruin the shtick:

I feel dirty watching it. It's completely unnecessary. It would be like Aishwariya Rai got implants, I'd boycott all her movies. Alright, that's a lie. I would at least go as far as only watching the songs on youtube in the privacy of my own room and mood music. That would show her.

Thursday, April 3, 2008


Shoaib Akhter, the Pakistani fast bowler has been banned for five years by the Pakistan Cricket Board and sued as well. I don't know why because I don't really care about cricket, its a dying sport and a contributing factor to the poverty present in Pakistan, India, East Pakistan (I refuse to recognize Bangladesh as a nation until more than half the population can survive a monsoon), Sri Lanka, really anywhere where its a major sport. I'm pretty sure standing around for 8 hours a day for 5 days isn't a way to promote activity or work or fun. I haven't even read the entire story but I'm positive Shoaib deserved to get banned and sued, he seems like a dick to me. The only reason I posted about this really was so I could link to the greatest moment in cricket history aside from kachra throwing the ball.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008



Aamir Khan is carrying the Olympic Torch for India in a move that angers supporters of Tibetan freedom. I for one, think that he's making the right decision. Tibet will never be free, for one thing they're Buddhists and according to my eighth grade social studies teacher Buddhists are non-violent. Also the Chinese government doesn't seem to care about what people think, I believe they ordered a tank to run over a man on international television and not a damn thing changed in China. I mean, don't get me wrong, Aamir Khan is a great actor, I cry like a bitch every time i watch Dil Chahta Hain (Its about guy love!) but I don't think he has the power to free Tibet by not carrying the Olympic Torch. Aamir Khan shouldn't worry about critics either, the Olympics will be over in a few months and then the world will forget about Tibet and we won't have to protest anything until the FIFA World Cup in South Africa. Damn apartheid.....