Catch The EightyEast Infection Tonight At Opera in NYC

I must admit that I was shamed into doing this courtesy of the post by the fine folks at CurryBear. But yeah, Eighty East live in concert tonight at Opera in NYC, get excited folks. In the interest of full disclosure, it must be noted that I once sat next to Eighty East keyboardist extraodinaire and psychedelic homo universalis Yousuf Arain on an airplane trip to Mind Blownesia. I learned many new things, but forgot more. The point is, in terms of celebrity hanger-on status, I guess you could say I'm in with the band.

You can get details for the event here. I shall be the guy in the corner, sobbing gently and whispering "They Should Have Sent a Poet" to myself. Hope to see you there.

Desi Artist Spotlight: Indian Ocean

Of the many new weekly features we are planning, the one that we are most excited about is the Desi Artist Spotlight. Partly because it allows us to use our snazzy new IMEEM widget, but mostly because good music has a way of leading to street cred. Oh sweet, beautiful, nectarous street cred, how we long for you. Anyway, the first spotlight comes to us from our intern-even-though-he-prefers-to-be-called-contributor-because-he-has-a-job-and-is-doing-us-a favor, Akash Shah. We gave Akash the opportunity to write about any desi artist, expecting full well that he would do us right by going Paki-pop like Junoon or Atif Aslam or Hassan Jhangir, but being the patriot that he is, he decided to go with contemporary indo-rock fusion band Indian Ocean. Without further ado, we turn it over to Akash, do check out the tunes to your left....

As their motto says, "Expressing the very soul of their milieu, urban and rural. Aware of its history and alive to its future. Passionate, honest, unapologetic, untainted by the exotic. At home in the world."

Formed in 1990, the present line-up includes Sushmit Sen on acoustic guitars, Rahul Ram on bass and vocals, Asheem Chakravarty on tabla, percussions and vocals, and Amit Kilam on drums and flute. An impeccable and mature band that has been around for over 15 years with five albums under their belt and many more unreleased songs. What is unique is how the music stems from a rich cultural Indian background combining elements of classical Bharatiya sangeet, jazz improv, rock-laden rhythmic patterns, Sufism and a melodic soul that's immediately recognizable.

All the band members are self-taught and the music was born through the chemistry that they share when playing with one another. Asheem Chakravarty is the "man with the golden voice" and brings a rare talent of combining vocals while playing the tabla. Sushmit Sen forms the basis of the band's sound with his unique and distinctive acoustic style. Cornell PhD Rahul Ram is in the forefront with his bass and the group's other vocalist. Amit Kilam is the youngest member of the band. Surprisingly as the drummer, he is the quietest person on stage and beats the drums at unconventional measures.

The first three albums remained low key but the band made its presence on the independent music scene and gaining accolades at international festivals in the early 2000s. Their first album Desert Rain was released in 1997. The great thing about this album is that it's recorded live and that to by accident. Nonetheless the results were amazing, with lots of on stage improv and passion. The next album was Kandisa, recorded in a proper studio and with a producer. The 2000 release quickly gained popularity as a cult album and properly established the band. The album also introduced lyrics by some well known Indian poets and also was more commercially-oriented, a pop-ish and accessible sound. In 2003 the band released Jhini. Named after a poem written by 15th century Hindu poet Kabir, it went on to win an AVMax award for best produced album and featured English lyrics for the first time.

However, it was not until 2004 that the band was brought into limelight with their first bollywood composition, Black Friday. Their music stood out even as the film was laced with controversy. Bandeh is the song that made them famous overnight and Indian Ocean was finally "mainstream". The other great thing about this was that they broke away from their traditional style introduced in their previous 3 albums and introduced a variety of sounds by throwing in new instruments such as the sarangi and the saxaphone. Another film soundtrack, Shoonya, has been recorded but the film and music are both delayed for unknown reasons.

Despite the social meaning behind each of their songs, Indian Ocean refuses to be a political band. They hate to attach brands or genres to their distinctive sound. Certainly the sound that they create is a result of their daily living in an urban setting, and a tribute to modernity. Their music is a genuine reflection of their personalities as individuals and as a band as a whole. As their motto goes, "Expressing the very soul of their milieu, urban and rural. Aware of its history and alive to its future. Passionate, honest, unapologetic, untainted by the exotic. At home in the world."

By Akash Shah

Bihari Shabab Programming Note: While The Fahad's Away...

Nobody Beats Me, Because I'm the Wiz! I'm the Wiz!

Fear not oh loyal Bihari Shabab readers, for the scent that you are faintly picking up that smells like it is equal parts ass and Stetson aftershave, is not a dirty bomb. Rather it is a warning sign of the self-reverential lovefest that is about to get underway up in this bitch. As you know, we recently added the counter to track the number of hits we are getting here. And to be quiet honest, we were pleasantly surprised by just how many people do come here as we have not done much in the way of marketing. Now there are two ways one can take this. 1) Be humble and thank the readership or 2) Get a big head and openly solicit the female readership for Rishtas. I think you know which way we're going to go with this. I look forward to openly antagonizing the men and hitting on the women. Hello non-mehram ladies! Tis a pleasure to have your company...raise the gaze in summer of 08...

Anyway, as you know by now, young Fahad is on his way to the homeland. What does this mean to your BihariShabab experience aside from the fact that we now come to you with 100% less rap? It means that you can look forward to more posts but less original content. We will hopefully have daily Khabarnma links along with a number of weekly features, that will satiate your appetite for desiality(TM). Look for youtube clips, music reviews and other empty calorie content fillers.

Also, with today marking 100 days before the election, you can also look forward to more political coverage which really means shameless pro-Obama propaganda, because you're really not getting enough of it as it is.

The internship program is underway as well, with the first post coming up later today from the Indian Leon Phelps, Akash Shah. His first post works hand in hand with the IMEEM application you see to your left. As part of our weekly spotlight on desi artists, we will have a playlist for you for the week so you can sample some of their work and not just go by what we have to say. We think it's a terrific idea, but your comfort is paramount here, so your feedback would be much valued in determining whether we stick with the widget.

In all seriousness, we really do appreciate your patronage. If only some of you knew how to work the goddamn comment section, I think it could enhance the overall experience. I know giving out your real name may feel like a breach of your personal space. But fear not Priyanka Chopra from Mumbai or whoever you are, you can now comment anonymously, so get on it.

We look forward to hanging with you this summer.

Thanks.

Peace Out Holmes

Me at the airport (dramatization)

I need you all to be strong right now. You knew this day would come. I have to go and you can't convince me not to. I'm leaving today to the motherland to spread the BihariShabab movement. You mustn't worry, we have a stellar group of interns donating pieces of theirs to this fine site....what's that? there are no interns? Well we got that new hit counter and I enjoy visiting the site to see the counter keep going up so you guys could come to the site for that...Oh and Raheel's still writing if you care (I know you don't but don't tell him, it'll hurt his feelings). Well I guess I should wrap this up, I'm going back after nearly a decade and I'm all excited and stuff. Expect some memoir/travelogue type posts once I return and in return I will expect no comments because you are the most apathetic readers on the internet, but I still love you. I'm pretty bad at goodbyes so I'm just gonna go the only way I know how. Through the magic of song.

Television Review: Generation Kill

In an (obviously futile) attempt to get companies to send us promotional material at some point in the future, we at BihariShabab have decided to start reviewing...uh...things. You know, music, movies, technology, food, TV shows, sadly, even women (but in a totally respectful way. You know women are the future or something like that). Have anything you want us to review? Email us at BihariShabab@gmail.com. We know how much you value our opinions.

I love TV. It used to be easier for me to watch but between being the writer/editor of a prestigious blog and romancing super models all over the world (why else do you think I'm going to the motherland) I don't have much time for television. So I've begun paying more attention to a show's cast and producers to more easily zero in on a television show I would enjoy. David Simon was the executive producer of "The Wire" AKA the greatest television show in the history of television history. Therefore, I've decided to watch Generation Kill, a David Simon mini-series currently airing on HBO about a squad of marines at the beginning of the Iraq war. Simon's productions are more realistic than anything on TV. I wasn't raised in the hood or anything but I have black friends so I know that urban environments are really like what The Wire portrayed. I've never been to war but I am a young man and I know how young men communicate with each other and Simon captures the relationships in the unit as truly as anyone can. Of course this may be because the series is based on a true story. In 2003 Rolling Stones Magazine reporter Evan Wright was embedded with the 1st Marines Battalion in Iraq and his subsequent reports won awards and stuff so he did a great job. But who reads anymore? So we have this TV show which is as close to reading a novel that you can get without opening a book. The script is brilliant and it highlights the beurocracy that plagues the American system, it's hilarious and it does what "Jarhead" (hated the movie) could never do, which is be exciting and still be introspective and show the boredom that Marines have to deal with. Simon and his crew do a fantastic job with this. If you don't have HBO don't worry, it's a mini-series so you can wait to rent it when it comes out on DVD. If you do have HBO, Generation Kill airs Sunday nights at 9:00. It's must see TV.

Final Verdict: 5 SRK eviscerated pillows out of 5

Language NSFW but if you watch it later at home with headphones on you shouldn't have any problems except a guilty conscience for listening to such filth....Enjoy.

Why I Love Nas (and Stephen Colbert)

This right here, is why I expected more from Nas's album. He's got personality, he's got humor, and he's smart (agree or disagree with his politics, you can't deny that he's an intelligent man). Unfortunately, save a few tracks, he couldn't translate this to his album. I'm still disappointed. Colbert is great, he's on Stewart's level....Hey! I've got an idea! who do you think is better? Stewart or Colbert!?! Vote on the left side of the page. And don't be shy! make preposterous statements in the comments section. Go ahead and make it look like a youtube video's comments section.

Bihari Shabab Programming Note: Counter Added!

Click Click Click Click Click Click

This seems to be the week that Bihari Shabab get's some long over due surgical enhancements. First we opened up commenting to the mass public, including East Pakistanis which we had internally sworn we would avoid at all costs. Followed by the announcement of the Summer Internship Program along with the force out of the co-edito...I mean the vacation that Fahad Masood is taking. And now the addition of our brand spankin' new counter that you can see on your left. We are a boob job and tummy tuck away from being in contention for the PMOY (Badum Tish!).

Anyway, so yeah, we got ourselves a counter. At this rate I can't wait for October when we are able to use an HTML naming convention that doesn't end in .html. Am I right, or am I right folks?!?! Geek high fiiiive! For your sake, I hope no one mentions using FLASH around these parts as it will result in you burning at the stake on charges of witchcraft. Geekorriffic!

Special thanks to the Gujarati Casanova of the south, and friend of the blog Akash Shah for helping me figure out how to get a counter on the site. Akash, who is a DJ in his spare time, would be the coolest IT support person I knew had his Gujju brother Indy Shah not recently purchased this bike and blown him out of the water. Either way, tick tick tick away my friends.

Bobby Jindal Not VP. McCain Relieved.

Louisiana Lieutenant Governor Far-Right

Piyush "Bobby" Jindal (get to know him) has declared that he will not be the next Vice President of The United States. I don't like Bobby Jindal because I don't like the name Bobby. If you're going to choose a name why not a cool name like Fausto or Number 16 Bus Shelter. This may draw some Desi voters towards McCain because some of our brown brothers and sisters sadly wouldn't vote for a black man however they may have been turned off by Bobby Jindal's....well I'm not quite sure how to put this, but if this were 1927 India he may have been in support of the British government, which many Desis frown upon. I would like to say something however. In these troubling times we like to separate by race and religion. If you want don't like Bobby, don't let it be because he's Indian or he's a Catholic. No, don't vote for Bobby because he's the governor of Louisiana, the 2nd most backward state in the Union which was governed by such luminaries as Earl Long of whom his brother Huey said "Earl is my brother but he's crooked. If you live long enough he'll double cross you. He'd double cross Jesus Christ if He was down here on earth." You stay classy Louisiana.

Bihari Shabab Summer Internship

A summer job could be the key to everlasting happiness

Much like many a masterpiece and revolutionary social movement before it, Bihari Shabab is the work of a dedicated team. Newton had Leibniz, Wilbur had Orville, Martin had Malcolm, Jenna had Rocco, and so I have the enigmatic F.M aka Fahad Masood. You've probably noticed that our posts have either my name or his name attached to them. Just in case you were wondering, mine are the unfunny ones (his are the deliberately unfunny ones).

Well it is with a heavy heart, that I must announce that our young bon vivant Fahad is headed off to the homeland for a month. While there are many reasons for his jaunt, the primary objective of his trip is to do research for his upcoming novella "Mangals with Ammi" (Tuesdays with Mommy). He's wildly unimaginative. Our original intent was to have him continue doing his fine daily work for this site from Pakistan, but we decided we did not want to retard his research by taking away time to post about the combustible nature of Shahrukh's pillows. Also, the internet situation in Karachi is sketchy at best, so we threw that out of the window. After countless hours of brainstorming, pie-charts breakdowns, and an in depth study of the melting glaciers of the north pole, the solution we have come up with is to get our ever-growing readership involved.

That's right you lucky bastards, we're looking for summer interns. You will be paid absolutely nothing, but will get to have your work posted and prominently featured on this here website. It's real simple. By now, you have an idea of what we are going for here. Feel like you have a post to contribute, send it to biharishabab@gmail.com. If it gels with what we're looking for, then we will post it right up. If it is not what we are looking for, then we will make the necessary changes (i.e. add pro-Obama rhetoric) and send it back for your approval. We would never post anything without your approval because that is a) not how we roll and b) probably a felonious offense. If you have ever thought about starting your own blog, this could be a wonderful opportunity to test the waters. We are fun to work with, mostly honest, well mannered and most importantly refrain from asking for a Polaroid before you start contributing so you know you can trust us. Let us know if you have any questions.

PS - Commenting is now open to everyone, so how about you jerks start on that.

BihariShabab Tutorials *UPDATE*

Because I don't know how to comment!

We don't have a way of checking how much traffic we get over here but we'd have to assume that we are second only to nakedbollywoodcelebs.com in the amount of hits that we get. Unfortunately our comments section doesn't reflect that so we realized that it's not because you're too lazy to comment or that there's no one reading this but it's because you don't know how to comment! So we'll teach you, it's easy.

You will need a few things before you can start commenting on how you sympathize with those poor bastards on Xposed. First you'll need an identity, which is your google/blogger account or you can use other IDs. If you're not technologically advanced enough to use gmail you can use wordpress, AIM, Livejournal, orTypepad usernames to comment. If you're an ICQ, MSN, Yahoo Chat user then screw you, this is America and get an America Online username.

Next, and this is the most complicated part so pay attention, Input your username in the corresponding field (if you are using a gmail username input it in the google/blogger field). If you are using a username other than google or blogger then you will be told to sign into the account you are commenting from. It's a terrible system and maybe one day we'll be able to change it. Anyways, after you input your username and verify the letters that they throw up on the screen and sign into your other account you can publish your comment and show your support or disdain. Or send us an Email at Biharishabab@gmail.com to let us know how we're doing, what we could do better, if you have any links you'd like to share with us, or if you want to go watch The Dark Knight again.

UPDATE: We changed the commenting format so you can go ahead and comment without needing to create a new gmail account or any of that. Anyone can comment now so you have no excuse.

Getting To Know Vijender Kumar

The Olympic games are right around the corner and we're sick of the stereotype that desis are not athletic (I'm a splendid Madden football player). We'll be trying to showcase some promising Olympic hopefuls from all parts of South Asia. Today is Vijender Kumar's turn.

Vijender Kumar is probably the most promising South Asian athlete partaking in the Olympic games this summer. The young boxer has medaled in several Asian boxing tournaments as well as the Commenwealth Games a few years ago. In competition leading up to the Olympics he defeated the number one ranked boxer in his weight class. He also has a shot at becoming India's first professional boxer which may compel us at BihariShabab to purchase a pay-per-view event of young Vijender's first professional fight. In classic BihariShabab form we're going to break this down in an easy to manage biodata form. Information courtesy of wikipedia (as always) and The British Broadcasting Company.

Name: "Vicious" Vijender Kumar (Ed note: totally made up that nickname)
Hey, Vijender Kumar sounds Desi! We'd certainly hope so as he is, after all, representing India in the Beijing Olympics this August. He was born in Haryana where his father was a bus driver who worked overtime to pay for Vijender's boxing lessons.
Born: October 29, 1985 (age: 23)
Religion: It is official Olympic policy to not display religious beliefs so we're going to comply. Although if he works with Don King like he hopes to he may become a Muslim after his first stint in prison.
Education: According to wikipedia "Vijender is one the student in CBIT studying IT final year and a very sincere guy who is dedicated for on his work." So information technology is his major. Although according to the BBC he's an inspector for the Haryana Police Department which we assume is a full time job. I think it's safe to say that he's a crime fighting superhero who studies by day and foils crimes at night like some sort of Indian Batman (THE DARK KNIGHT WAS EFFING SWEET!).
Cut: Vijender is a middleweight fighting at 75kg.
Biwi/Bachey: Ladies, have I got good news for you. Vijender is single and ready to mingle!
Political Views: Official Olympic policy again dictates that politics can play no role in the games. However it's safe to say that Vijender is staunchly anti-cricket making inflammatory statements like "My blood boils when everybody goes gaga over cricket" and "It [cricket] is just an overrated game."
So What's The Big Deal? Well, Vijender has medaled in his previous few tournaments and has taken down some big names in amateur boxing. Vijender's cross, hook, and uppercut are all strong and he moves well in the ring making him a formidable opponent. Also Vijender has a great shot at being the Indian Oscar De La Hoya. He's a good looking dude and has even modeled for the Indian Maxim magazine, which is apparently very different from the American Maxim magazine what with the male models and such. If he is successful in the Olympics it is probable that he would go pro and if unsuccessful he'd probably become a professional male model and cavort with Bollywood item girls before becoming a low level Bollywood star himself. So either way he wins.
Will he win? The consensus is that the U.S. boxing team headed to Beijing is not as good as they have been in the past, however, India has never medaled in boxing in the Olympics so history is not on India's side. Ultimately it's an open competition with no clear favorite and that may help Vijender grab a medal and show his value to promotion companies. Either way we wish him and the rest of the boxing team the best of luck and hope that a brown athlete becomes successful to heighten our self-esteem. We haven't been the same since Vickesh Dhorasoo retired.

Mere Mutabiq Se, You're a Sellout

Not cool bro, not cool.

Dr. Shahid Masood, a Pakistani journalist who rose to prominence by speaking out against the government and gaining the trust of the Pakistani people promptly behaved like most high profile Pakistanis do by selling out to become state owned PTV's managing director. It's not because he wanted it to change it from the inside because the government isn't going to let anything on that they don't appreciate, no it's because he's being paid 750,000 PKR a month (that's over $10,000) with an annual 50,000 PKR raise and his house and utilities are paid for. That's actually not a bad deal. I'm pretty sure if someone wanted to lure me away from the BihariShabab movement they'd have to pay me somewhere along those lines. Or anything at all really. Until then I'll be the voice of those who are too lazy to create blogger accounts, I've got your back Desi People.

Right Dr. Shahid, never surrender.

We Are Pooped

It's been an action packed week here at Bihari Shabab. Perhaps the busiest since 2005 when stolen / leaked MMS clips of Bollywood actresses were all the rage, but I digress. We are tired. As a thank you for your patronage, here's a classic song to take you into the weekend.

It's Do Pal Ka Jeevan by Vital Signs and although it's over 20 years old, it could be released tomorrow and be fresh. The bridge at 3:10 could melt a bhalatkarist's heart. We'll see you on Monday...perhaps with some exciting programming news about this here fine blog. Have a good weekend everybody.

Jezebelle Guarantees Olympic Medal

Sania on the right, totally inappropriate.

Sania Mirza, India's number one ranked female tennis player, has guaranteed an Olympic medal for India this year in Beijing. The Indian Olympic team has a history of failure in the games with a total of 17 medals, 11 of which were for field hockey. The harlot Sania Mirza will have to overcome a deep pool of talent in women's tennis and since she couldn't get out of the first round at Wimbledon or any other tournament this year I'm going to assume that she'll do the same at the Olympics. Really the story here is that it is this difficult to find maybe 20 great athletes out of a billion people. You would think that there would be one fast Indian left in India, I wonder if anyone checked the martial races. The Indian Olympic committee has been spitting paan in the face of probability for nearly 100 years now. Bravo.

Little known fact; Aamir Khan used HGH to win the race.

Turkeys: Not Only Residents of Turkministan

"Dude, move your arm I can't see...Oh yeah, work it. Hey whats with those cameras? Oh son of a bitch!"

Ah the glorious internet. So many uses, so many tools, so much information, so many people to connect with, and finally so many roads that all invariably lead up to sweet Mexican Midget Porn. But what some of you spoiled self-agitators and self-mutilators may not know is that in some countries, wifi-internet is not readily available at your parents house.

The following clip comes to us from a show called Xposed on TheMuzik. It's hosted by Waqar Zaka, who is a nice enough fellow, but looks like an emaciated Jesus Chris, which is really saying something. Apparently the point of the show is Waqar going around Karachi and expose, sorry, Xpose different facets of the city whether it be the politicians, the underreported prostitution problems or the inexplicable music career of Princess Annie. It really is a pretty great show and would be better if Waqar didn't take himself so goddamn seriously.

Anyway, this episode features Waqar and his crew descending upon a poor unsuspecting internet cafe owner / smut peddler in Karachi. I recommend watching all six videos on youtube, which I have linked below, but we're embedding my favorite clip below:

Clip 1
Clip 2
Clip 3
Clip 4
Clip 5
Clip 6

I'm gonna be honest with you, watching the little boys cry makes my "rongtain kahrai", because lord knows anything else is too scared to even think about "kahra-ing"*. Apparently The Muzik doesn't believe in pixelization to protect the identity of minors. I do feel bad for the bastards who were branded as turkey self-flaggellators, and on national TV no less. And for what? Probably just old clips of Kimmi Katkar on youtube. It's just not fair dammit. Now if you excuse me, I have to go clear my history.

*Dirty jokes...now exclusively available at Bihari Shabab.

EEEEEEE!!!!

Apparently there's a new Batman movie coming out. Above is the trailer for Batman Forever which was released in 1995 and was universally adored by any one with taste. Mark my words, Seal is going to be the next big thing in music. Below is the Dark Knight trailer. The trailer's pretty good I guess, maybe I'll rent it when it comes out on VHS. I mean the Joker didn't even tell a joke!

did movie voiceover guy die? I haven't heard from him in a while.

Happy Birthday!

He looks like the nicest man ever.

Nelson Mandela is going to be celebrating his 90th birthday this week and stories about his life and legacy are all the rage on the interwebs. When I open a restaurant I think I'm going to name it "Mandeli"....uh, never mind. Anyways, Mandela was a pretty cool guy, he was locked up for 37 years and when he got out he was elected president in the first post-apartheid elections. He helped turn South Africa into an example for other African nations to follow (minus all the crime and xenophobia) so he's a pretty special man and deserves a giant party in London. As I was scouring the web for material I found this pretty great article about Mandela's 8 Lessons of Leadership which are applicable to everyone and should be faxed over to the politicians over in the motherland (do you need a phone card to send a cheaper fax?).
Coincidentally I also have a few lessons of leadership. Lesson 1; coup de'tat. Lesson 2; primae noctis. Lesson 3; dance like no one's watching.

Your Classic Cricket Clip of The Week

Your Classic Cricket Clip of the Week is a weekly feature where we showcase a cricket clip from yesteryear found on youtube while searching for the latest Neha Dhupia music video.

This week's clip comes to us from the tightly contested 1996 World Cup Quarterfinal match between defending champion Pakistan and India played in front of a packed house in Bangalore. Lefty opener Amir Sohail and Pakistan came out swinging while giving chase to a not so formidable score of 288. Behind Sohail's quick start, Pakistan were 113/1 with one ball left in the fifteenth over, leading to this classic exchange with Venkatesh Prasad...

After hitting a four, Sohail reportedly told Prasad to "go fetch" the ball. But since it's not completely clear what he said, I'm going to assume it was something more along the lines of "Ay Lamboo, doh coke leh ke aah!", infuriating Prasad and putting his exclusivity deal with Leher Pepsi at risk. Either way, the moment was the turning point of the game as India went on to defeat a deflated Pakistan by 39 runs.

Trivia: Yes that is politician and one-time Mr. Jemima Goldsmith, Imran Khan doing the commentary. Who knew he was involved with cricket.

If you know of a clip that you feel should be featured, please be a farishta and send them over to us at biharishabab@gmail.com. If selected, you will be thanked on this here fine blog and sent an official replica bat that Aamir Khan used in the classic hindi film Awwal Number signed by Dev Anand, may he rest in peace.

Pakistan India on Brink of War, Sunny Deol Gets Movie Offers

I'm made of love for you Priyanka

Tensions between Pakistan and India are boiling over once again as Kashmir is protesting Indian rule (perhaps they ran out of booze?) and Afghan and Indian authorities are insinuating Pakistani ISI involvement in the Indian Embassy bombing last week. To throw petrol on the flames of discord, Indian musicians are taking shots at Pakistani national treasure, Atif Aslam. BihariShabab is dedicated to uniting South Asia to create a grand South Asian empire with an abundance of biryani and nihaari so we're going to take the lead in getting the two nations to settle their differences. We're going to start by showing images of your Indian bhabi, Priyanka Chopra, along with the melodious sounds of the subcontinenterrific* band EightyEast. We have great hope that the two nations can co-exist peacefully. Stay tuned for updates. Or watch the news, that's probably a better idea.

*Subcontinenterrific is a registered trademark of BihariShabab. We'll take you to court, we mean it.

Miss Universe Follow Up

The Miss Universe pageant was on last night and if you watched it you are totally gay dude. I completely forgot about the event and was surprised to see that it had taken place but I wasn't surprised to discover that I'm the smartest man alive. I called it ladies and gentleman, Dayana Mendoza of Venezuela is our new Miss Universe. Unfortunately this means that none of us has a shot at Miss Mendoza because she's sure to be surrounded by security. Other highlights; Scary Spice, of Spice Girls fame, and sleazy American, Jerry Springer, were sent to Vietnam to host the event. Miss India wasn't in the top 5 and will now have to settle for South Indian skin flicks. This year's event was full of unique contestants. Venezuela's Dayana Mendoza was kidnapped when she was younger and credits the experience for teaching her to keep her poise under pressure. Miss Angola was in a plane crash when she was trying to flee her country's civil war (that's why you shouldn't run from your problems) and Miss Argentina has had a "para-normal experience" so she's not shaadi material. The lowlight of the night was Miss USA, Chrystle Stewart, falling down in the evening gown competition (video below). It's pretty terrible, I wouldn't even wish this on Miss East Pakistan. This is of course the second year in a row Miss USA has tripped on stage. Perhaps a kidnapping would help Miss USA hopefuls develop poise. I'll put that on my to do list.

Khabarnama

Khabarnama is a quasi occasional link dump of the news we think is worth your time but not enough to warrant actual posts.

It really is like Fox News isn't even trying to pretend they are a legitimate news organization anymore. Honestly, I admire their moxie.

You know, sexy twentysomethings from NJ aren't the only ones with desi blogs. Superstars from yester-year like Amitabh have ones too.(Thanks Nauman)

As do moody geniuses like Aamir Khan.

As well as ambiguously sexual identitied mega directors.

Sideline reporter Bonnie Bernstein is an idiot.

The cap on IPL player's salaries may be lifted soon. You know this is going to lead to Desi MTV Cribs where every single Indian cricket player will show off their walls adjourned with Agnipath Posters aka the Indian Scarface.(Thanks Nabeel)

And finally, we leave you with a video from the Onion News Network.

Volatile India-Pakistan Standoff Enters 11,680th Day

Want to be the talk of the town like the two gentleman up top who contributed to Khabarnama? Well then, please send suggestions and links to raheelium@gmail.com. As always you will be thanked for your efforts and may or may not be entered in a drawing to win a chance to perhaps date the new Ms. Pakistan World.

Here We Go Again

Fresh on the heels of Abhijeet's backdoor trashing of his ability, Atif Aslam has once again been slammed on an Indian sing song show, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa. Although this time, it was by somebody with slightly more credentials:

That's right, Asha Bhosle got in on the fun! Well, kind of. A couple things about this video. First, your participants other than Ms. Bhosle would be from left to right: Pritam(Music Director), Shankar (Playback Singer/Music Director), Himesh Reshamiya (singer/ladies man/hat enthusiast) and finally Aadesh Shrivastav (Music Director). Oh there's also a young Sikh contestant named Sukhwinder who gets caught in crosshairs. Poor bastard.

Anyway, this is the second major attack on Atif in the past two weeks. Just as we said about recognizing his popularity in this argument, we must recognize charges that are made by experts in the field. It may be time to use some of the ample touring money he makes for singing lessons. And you really can't hate on the critics, because they came right out and made their point. Also, I like that they hired the same guy to edit this show that does Kusum. The multiple zoom ins, the slow mo, the b&w replays, all so effin sweet. It raises the level of tension to garam masala levels.

It was kind of sweet to see Pritam come to his defense since they've worked together, but he probably stole that argument from a Korean Show. Really nothing else to add here other than Himesh Reshamiya, you sly dog, I didn't know you had that sassy mane under the hat. He should let that thing out more often and let the ladies know what's up.

Kyun Lara Kyun!?!?!

As I've made clear here before, CBS super-hottie slash your honai wali slash a reporter or something, Lara Logan makes our hearts a flutter. Well, friends, our hearts are a bit too heavy to be a flutterin' this week. That's right, she's knocked up, or preggo in her eggo or whatever the hell they say in Juno...

Lara Logan is pregnant and will marry the father of her baby, Joe Burkett, the state department contractor whose marriage she was accused of destroying.

Jesus Christ this just keeps getting worse. She got knocked up by an effing contractor? The least she could have done is have her eggs fertilized by a member of the US Marine Core. I would be less hurt if she actually opened up the floodgates to a member of the Iraqi Republican Guard than I am with this contractor's demon seed. 5 years in Iraq and the war has finally claimed it's greatest casualty: my dharakta dil*

It turns out her beau's marriage was already on the rocks when she met him, so the homewrecker charges are exaggerated. She is planning on marrying Burkett as soon as his divorce is finalized, which is either a sign of their love, or an elaborate scheme to make me jealous. And it's a testament to my love, that I'm willing to look past this whole silly pregnancy thing and welcome her back. If I could, I would like to address Lara directly. Lara, dekho, mummy papa koh mai manaloonga, don't worry about that..tum ghar aajao.

*An obvious attempt at humor. I'd like to take this moment to thank the men and women of the army for their service. In fact, my feelings may best be expressed by this gentleman.

HAHAHA....Wait, What?

Seriously what does the tagline even mean?

Bernie Mac introduced Barack Obama at a recent fundraiser where he made some jokes that the Obama supporters didn't like so they heckled him. News outlets are saying it's because he used foul language and offended people. I'm pretty sure that he just wasn't funny, the joke that got everyone up in a tizzy went something like this and I'm paraphrasing;

"My little nephew came up and asked me 'uncle what's the difference between a hypothetical question and realistic question? (a terrible question, Mr.Mac your nephew is retarded)' I said, I dunno but I'll tell you what you do, you go upstairs and ask your mama if she'd sleep with the mailman for $50,000 (obviously an inappropriate question for a child to ask his mother but since the child is retarded the mother shouldn't mind). My nephew came back and said his mother and sister both said they'd sleep with anyone for $50,000 so I says to the boy I says, well, hypothetically we should have $100,000 but realistically we're living with two hos! ha-cha-cha-cha-cha."

Hilarious. After being heckled and making a few joke type statements Bernie Mac called Barack on stage. Once on stage Obama said to not make bad jokes and punched Bernie Mac in the face before vowing to bed Mac's wife. He then said he'd give McCain the POW treatment and left to go host another rally at a club that Wilco was performing at.

None of the last part happened except the Wilco part. This is a non-story but it's been a slow week so I decided to pull a Templeton (Wire reference, if you don't know, go watch), I'm sorry.

Let The High-Fiving Ensue

I think I went to school with the guy that filmed this. Khaled, is that you?

Music Review: Nas; Untitled

Man, life is soooo hard....I'm gonna go listen to Jeff Buckley and cut myself.

Nasir Jones is probably Queensbridge's finest rapper to date and he is arguably one of the greatest emcees of all time. He burst on the scene with Illmatic and solidified his legacy with his battle with Jay-Z. However, he's wildly inconsistent and "Untitled" is no different. The album itself was hyped up as the anti-soulja boy and something that would resurrect hip-hop which Nas declared to be dead on his last album. Untitled was supposed to be named something along the lines of "N.I. double G. E. R." but Universal forced Nas to change the album name. I think the problem with Nas is that he doesn't have the charisma that other rappers do. He has the flow, he has the delivery, he has the lyrics but he's missing the drama that Jay-Z and Lil' Wayne and T.I. and other rap superstars bring to the table. Nas is all business and that can be a good thing but I can't get behind this emo-rap that Nas is spewing. He shines on a few tracks (hero, queens gets the money, sly fox) but it just seems like faux-angst that Nas is portraying. He wants to be an activist, a Bob Dylan type performer, but it seems like he doesn't honestly believe everything he's saying. When a rapper is being honest he jumps to a higher level (example: Brother Ali; Forest Whitaker) but Nas isn't being truthful with this album. Nas seems like he's just jumping on the "I hate George Bush/This country's going to Hell in a handbasket" bandwagon. I don't doubt that he believes that George Bush sucks but I doubt that he believes everything he says and I'm pretty sure he is just over-exaggerating, not about the Black man's plight but about rolling TNT into a covenant if he were to go back in time 200 years a la Chappelle's Show. The maddening part about this is that we know Nas has the ability to be on par with the best but he just can't get there. If Nas had left politics alone and examined race relations within a regular album then he probably would've been more successful than he was here. It's sad to say that Jay-Z said more about race in America in "99 problems" than Nas did in this entire album but it's true. This isn't garbage but Nas really let me down with this one.

Final Verdict: 2 SRK eviscerated pillows out of 5.

Abhijeet Not The Biggest Atif Aslam Fan In The World; Also Dick Xenophobe

The clip below is from the new Indian sing-song talent show "Ek Se Bhadkar Ek", which features winners and stars from various other Indian sing-song talent shows, whether it be Indian Idol, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, or Gao Meri Bulbul Paisa Milay Ga. I'm kidding of course, they would never let those no talent douchebagels from Indian Idol on this show.

Moving on, in this clip Sa Re Ga Ma Pa 2007 winner and Shiny Golden Coat enthusiast Aneek Dhar makes the fatal mistake of singing an Atif Aslam song in front of renowned Indian playback singer Abhijeet Bhattachar, who straight up don't play that shit. You can watch the entire clip to watch young Aneek's performance or jump straight to 3:30 to watch the some of the most blatant anti-Pakistan sentiment since Kargil...

Fascinating isn't it? I mean how can you argue with that kind of straight logic. And let's be honest, this is not the first time Atif Aslam's sur has been challenged. Heck, we have even gone on record questioning the quality of his live performances. The problem here is the person leveling the criticism. Maybe if Abhijeet hadn't tried to ban Pakistani singers in 2003, or made the claim that Pakistani singers weren't stars until they came to India, or beat up a union worker whom he considered a "pimp of Pakistani singers"(I want to know where to fill out applications for that job by the way) we could take his words at face value.
But knowing the history, if you watch the clip again, you see his argument lacks a certain "maa ka dood". Saying that he doesn't know or care who the singer is seems like a preemptive strike for the questions that he knew he would have to answer later. If he was genuine about getting his point across, he should have address it in a different forum and basically taken the questions then. He seems to be passionate about the subject, it just doesn't make sense to use this platform to attack Atif. And finally, I know just because something is popular doesn't make it quality, but you have to give credit where it is due. Atif is the biggest star in the subcontinent and he does fill a void in India. A lot of it may be the packaging or whatever, but you can't just overlook the response he has gotten.
Anyway I think I'm done ranting. You know what's funny about this is that I really don't even like Atif.

(Thanks to Nabeel for the video)

HYPOCRITES!!!!1!!1

This is Memin Penguin, in Mexico this isn't racist.

Racial insensitivity is a part of life. Some might say I'm racially insensitive towards East Pakistanis and Punjabis. I would say I'm insensitive towards the nation of East Pakistan not the people, about the Punjabis...what can I say except stop dancing and get a job. However, I can understand why people get upset over racist stuff, I don't much appreciate it myself, but when you tell someone not to be racist and then are racist yourself you're a hypocrite and I don't like you. I suppose what I'm trying to say is, I don't like Mexicans right now because they're trying to keep around the racist comic book character "Memin Penguin" but they took away Speedy Gonzales from me. I loved Speedy, he was the greatest, I'm glad they took away the taco bell chihuawa because I don't like dogs but Speedy was the bee's knees. Unfortunately for myself and Speedy people deemed Speedy to be a racist charicature of Mexican people because his companions were lazy and drunk and they danced (sounds like a Punjabi to me!) so I could understand the decision to remove him from American airwaves. Memin Penguin might be racist because, well, look at the picture above, but Mexicans argue that he's a cultural icon in Mexico and not offensive at all. Hey! That's what I said about Speedy! So Mexicans are arguing with Black people about this trivial issue and I don't care I just want Speedy back. Expect Reverand Al to chime into this debate soon enough.

Oh, that's terrible. Damnit! Disregard everything I said. Except for the Punjabi stuff, get it together guys!

Your Classic Cricket Clip of The Week

I was initially going to do a belated Asia Cup update in this space, but as I'm sure you all know by now, Sri Lanka beat India pretty handily by 100 runs. Sannath Jayasuriya had 125 for Sri Lanka and BAW Mendis allowed only 13 runs for an insane 6 wickets. Mendis was named Man of the Match and Man of the Series. Oh wait, look at that! I guess I just did an entire Asia Cup update. I can't even introduce a new feature without taking the chance to point out the shortcomings of the Indian Cricket Team.

Anyway, here's a brand new feature we are starting on Bihari Shabab that we hope will garner a lot of interest. That's right, cricket clips found on the internet when all we were really looking for were clips of that scene from Raja Hindustani. But seriously, have you ever found yourself in a trance watching cricket clips on youtube for hours? Then this feature is for you.

Our inaugural clip comes to us from the first ever Australasia Cup Final played some 22 years ago. The game, which became an instant classic the moment it ended, was between natural rivals India and Pakistan. It took place in the simmering hotbed of Desis that is Sharjah, UAE which would become the site of many more India / Pakistan classics.

Going into the final over, Pakistan needed 9 runs to tie, and 10 to win and they looked towards perhaps the greatest batsman in their history, Javed Miandad, for some "magic"

If you remember seeing this before, we hope it brought back some vivid memories. If it's the first time you saw it, we hope it gives you a glimpse into how something as arbitrary as a cricket match can mean so much to so many people. We hope you enjoy this new feature in the weeks and months ahead. We look forward to your participation and promise not to be as melodramatic moving forward.

Please share clips and memories with us at raheelium@gmail.com.

Ok Now This Is Getting Ridiculous

That's frightening.

A few days ago I shared Ram Singh's heartwarming story with you and you responded with a resounding "whatever." Well I share with you another story, a more....sinister story, from the eastern parts of India, this time it's West Bengal (not to be confused with West East Pakistan). Fatik Halder was fishing in the Sunderbans mangrove forest when he was attacked by a tiger. Yes a tiger. What ensued was a 20 minute battle during which Fatik was repeatedly clawed and bitten on his chest. Due to the slippery conditions in the forest the tiger wasn't able to wrestle Mr. Halder to the ground where it would surely have killed him. No, Fatik was able to escape the tiger's powerful jaws due to the memory of his father's death at the paws of a tiger. Yes, Fatik Halder's father was killed by a tiger twenty years before setting off a Hatfield vs. McCoy type vendetta that would impact several generations of tigers and peoples. Fatik, inspired by the thought of his wife and two children and spurred on by his desire to avenge the death of his father, was able to fend off the tiger and stagger back to his village. Unfortunately he lived in the middle of no where and had to travel ten hours to Calcutta to get medical help. He's alright now, no word on the tiger. However, just the day before Halder was attacked, Narayan Das received the Roy Horn, of Siegfried and Roy, treatment when a tiger clamped down on his neck, the men with Das fought off the tiger with kitchen utensils and sticks but Narayan Das perished before he could make it back to the hospital.
......Remember that Jungle movie with Govinda?...yeah that was cool.

This is effing terrifying...

BBQ Time!

Obviously I would choose this picture. I'm so predictable...Sigh.

As American Citizens it is our right to slack off on July the Fourth. Therefore there will be no posts today. Come back on Monday for the regular Bihari Shabab goodlyness. Have a safe and happy weekend. Later...

I loved this movie but could someone explain to me how Jeff Goldblum was able to be the president's advisor? also notice the Iraqi and Israeli flags flying together. I think "old trailers" is going to be a regular BihariShabab feature.

Stock Tips! *update*

This could be you!

Bollywood and Hollywood are strengthening their ties with several deals between the two industries including a deal between Steven Speilberg's Dreamworks studio and the Ambani Reliance group. Now Bollywood is making waves in the stock market too with the Wall Street Journal reporting that Bollywood stocks could be the next hot commodity. The WSJ cites the television and film production deal that Viacom has signed as well as UTV's role in the production of "The Happening" by our douchey brown brother, Manoj Raat Shayalaman, as evidence that Bollywood production companies are viable in Hollywood. Viacom might* be owned by the Devil so it's entirely possible that the deal is terrible for Bollywood, however I don't know anything about stocks or money as evidenced by the abundance of debt that I've accrued thanks to the ridiculous need we have to be educated. So if you want money and trust the Wall Street Journal which is more professional than the Wall Street Diary then you should mortgage your house and put everything you own into the Reliance ADA group and UTV and hope that you make a billion dollars.

*Yup, this settles it. Viacom is owned by the Devil, who else would want the username, IP address, and details of video clips youtube users are watching?

Shahrukh, Glastonbury and The Best Rapper Alive...

Just to revisit Fahad's post from earlier this week regarding Jay Z's performance at Glastonbury, I think it would be a disservice to our loyal Bihari Shababis (whether you like it or not, that's your nickname folks), if I didn't encourage you to take the time out to watch the entire performance. Also I thought this would be a good time to point out the striking resemblance between Jigga Man and Bollywood superstar Shahrukh Khan.

Possible byproduct of a 1969 drunken Jackson Heights outing

Look at them! They could be brothers. Or I may be losing my mind. Either way, since I haven't seen anyone else make this comparison, I'm going to claim this find in the name of BihariShabab, so any other desi pop culture blog that makes it will be accused of plagiarism and will be subject to fines, penalties and public flogging (I don't know what that is, but it sounds saucy). Suck on that Sepia Mutiny!

Anyway, back to the performance. You can watch the whole thing on youtube here. It's broken down into 9 videos and take our word for it, it is worth all 90 or so minutes. It's more than just a rap concert, it's high end performance art. And it's so good that I don't even feel like a douchebag for writing that last sentence. But in case you don't have that kind of time to spare because that is time that could be better spent stalking somebody on facebook, you can find clip 4/9 below, which happens to be my favorite. It features "Jigga What", "H to the Izzo", "Can I get A" and finally "Beware of Boys"(how appropriate!). Oh and this should go without saying but yes, these are NSFW. Ho!

Ok, You Don't Need Our Help.

Hello all, lately we've been going around helping you find women and plan weddings and such, what we haven't covered is how to approach and then woo the lady of your dreams. Well, I could give you a crash course but it would consist of stuttering awkwardness. So BihariShabab has contacted an outside source to help school you on the ways of love. His name is Dmitri and he's a screenwriter. He's also suave, calm, collected, and not at all crazy. He knows how to treat the ladies and you'll be wise to take notes, I learned that it's best to discuss her mother's cancer and point out her jealous friends. So THAT'S why I've been striking out lately....

You Want Cricket? We Got Cricket!

OOOOOUUUUUZAAAAAYY!!!!! nope? ok then....

India's playing Pakistan today and if you want to watch (I don't know why you would want to but it's your time, waste it the way you feel like wasting it) then here's a link I got courtesy of Ashuar (Usher) Bhai. Enjoy. By the way, I think if you put a video of cricket on a loop a'la Keanu Reeves in Speed it would take approximately 40 overs for anyone to figure it out.

Dhoom Dhaam Se

We can do that but on a slightly smaller scale.

We at BihariShabab are committed on providing you with all of your needs. Be it cricket scores, entertainment news, or for some reason the need to see SRK's butt we have you covered. A more pressing issue for many of you out there is the need to get married, well we helped you find your brides (I invoke the right of primae noctis!) and now we're going to help you plan your dream wedding. You see, the children of rich South Asian immigrants are now in their 20's and 30's and it's time for them to settle down and start a family. But how are South Asian's to be married? The bride in a white gown and the groom in a limo? I scoff at the notion! I have never seen a Bollywood movie with white gowns and limos. No, you like many other South Asian men have no doubt envisioned a shaadi in which you ride in on an elephant with a marching band behind you and plenty of eunichs singing and dancing suggestively for you. Well hold onto your pagris because American companies have made it possible to make Kajol's planned shaadi to Salman Khan in Kuch Kuch Hota Hain a reality for you, right down to the weeping bride because she doesn't love you. So start saving for your wedding, elephants aren't cheap.

In related news, we at BihariShabab have decided that as young strapping Biharis we are more qualified to plan weddings than your average gori, therefore we are starting a wedding planning service, please send us requests in the comments section. We specialize in planning weddings at bowling alleys and regular alleys. Book us now, we're the hottest wedding planners in the blogosphere!

Your Daily Asia Cup Update

Your Daily Asia Cup Update is like the hot second cousin of our immensely popular Daily IPL Update feature. It's here to visit once a year, you enjoy it's company, it teases and titillates you into thinking that hey maybe there's a chance here and then poof it's gone before your parents and it's parent can talk Rishta Wishta. The Asia Cup is currently taking place in Pakistan. This is your one stop shop for all scores, stats and insights. Actually, this is probably your one stop shop for that stuff, but please do still come over for some jokes shokes yaar.

June 26th:
Pakistan vs. India
National Stadium Karachi
India wins by 6 wickets

India's decisive beating of Pakistan was so resounding that it's taken me four days to emotionally prepare myself to recap it. Virender Sehwag, who is either suffering the same dastardly effects of roadside dhaba aloo paratha that I had the last time I was in Karachi or just walked off the set of Gandhi: The Love Bug, destroyed Pakistan's bowling for 119 off of 95 balls. He was declared the Man of the Match for his effort but kept overnight for observation at Dow Medical University. You know making these jokes about his health somehow lessons the sting. Anyway, captain Shoaib Malik had 125 off of 119 for Pakistan who put up what should have been a more formidable 299, but it was not nearly enough as India needed less than 43 overs to beat it. Adding injury to insult, Pakistani stud fast bowler Umar Gul injured himself in the second over and is now out for the entire series. Fanf*ckintastic.

Sri Lanka vs. UAE
Gadaffi Stadium Lahore
Sri Lanka wins by 142 runs

There are many reasons why Sri Lanka won this game, none more relevant than the fact that they were playing the UAE. I could beat the UAE with a group of 12 year old kids from Paposh Nagar in Karachi. A gentleman by the name of Balapuwaduge Ajantha Winslo Mendis was the man of the match for 5 wickets for 22 runs outing. Reached for a comment after the game Mendis claimed that "spelling my first name is requires more of an effort than playin' these guys. Ya'll nig**s ain't on my level...sheeet". He didn't really say that, but wouldn't it have been great if he did?

June 28th:
India vs. Bangladesh
National Stadium Karachi
India wins by 7 wickets

SK Raina continued his hot streak by netting 116 runs off of 107 balls helping India to an easy win over the Bangladeshi East Pakistanis. Mr. Raina won his second straight Man of the Match and is well on his way to be declared Man of the Series if India remains as dominant as they have. In related news, I'm well on my way to stop following the stupid Asia Cup if this continues. Sure some people may think I'm just being bitter and that I should revel in the sportsmanship spirit of the games. Well those people don't have money riding on a sweet India loss. How about you leave me and my crippling gambling problem alone.

June 29th:
Pakistan vs. Sri Lanka
National Stadium Karachi
Sri Lanka wins by 64 runs

Man o' the match KC Sangakkara had 112 off of 110 balls against a Pakistani attack that's laying out so easily in front of opposing batters that I'm beginning to suspect they're being coached by Pumkin from Flavor of Love (Badum Tish! Get it? Cuz she's easy!). I really don't feel like recapping the rest of this game.

June 30th
Sri Lanka vs. Bangladesh
National Stadium Karachi
Sri Lanka wins by 158 runs

KC Sangakkara abused the Bangladeshi bowling attack for 121 off of 128 balls but that wasn't even the best performance on his team. Man of the Match Sannat Jayasuria had 130 off of just 80 balls to notch the new high for the series. Sri Lankan ace and renowned Casanova Muttiah Murlitharan(he's a spinner...ladies) had 5 wickets for 31 runs.With the win, Sri Lanka has clinched a spot in the finals. India can clinch the second spot with a win over either Pakistan or Sri Lanka over the next 4 days.