Khabarnama

RIP Bernie Mac (NSFW)

Khabarnama is a regular roundup of news and links that we just don't have enough juice for but would still like to pass on to you. Mainly so that you know, that we already know, so you know, you know your place.

Heartiest 65th Birthday wishes to General Pervez Musharraf aka the Pakistani Don Magic Juan. As you must know, the President is on the verge of impeachment on charges of murder, corruption, and misuse of power. Additionally, he has been cited by the International Carrom League for using a prohibited powder in his match with Indian president Pratibha Patel for that extra gliiiide. We will hopefully have much more on this later in the week. For now, please join us in wishing the president. Ahem, "Hum Bhi agar Bachay hotai, hum bhi agar bachay hotai...."

Rough week for male African American celebrities with discernible voices. If I were a member of Dennis Haysbert's family, I'd take his advice and insure the shit out of his life:

Legendary actor and notorious curver of bullets, Morgan Freeman was involved in a very serious car accident, which left him a broken arm, shoulder and a couple of ribs. If that wasn't bad enough, two days later it was announced he was getting a divorce from his wife of 24 years.

Rock n' Roll Hall of famer Isaac Hayes, aka Chef from South Park, past away on Sunday at the age of 65. Isaac also famously sang the Academy Award winning theme song for 1971's Shaft. There's an awful grave/"Can ya dig it" joke somewhere in there.

And finally, comedian and actor Bernie Mac succumbed to pneumonia on Saturday. I know we had some issues with his MCing job at the Obama event a couple of weeks ago, but he really was pretty hilarious. In the words of the incomparable Mansoor Syed, "Oh Lord, why couldn't it have been Cedric the Entertainer?".

The deal between Dreamworks and Relliance is almost complete. We can't wait for this to come through as we are overflowing with Shatrughan Sinha in Live Action "Shrek" jokes.

Our man, Jeev Milka Singh came up a bit short, but still finished tied for a very respectable 9th place at the PGA Championships which means he is automatically qualified for the Masters next year. Can you imagine an Indian winning the Master's? If he has brothers, his parents would then have to identify him as their "Masters Beta". I know that was a long way to go for a dirty joke, but I have no regrets, you hear me? None!.

And finally, since we are contractually obligated to pimp Generation Kill, here are links to the original Rolling Stone articles that the series is based on. Fans of the show will recognize a lot of the moments in the articles, although you should save the second and third article for after the series if you want to stay spoiler free:

The Killer Elite

The Killer Elite, Part Two: From Hell to Baghdad

The Killer Elite, Part Three: The Battle For Baghdad

Please send any Khabarnama links to biharishabab@gmail.com. You shall be thanked with love, because baby my love is all I have to give, without you I don't think I could live, I wish I could give the world to you, but love is all I have to give...to you. Oh also, we'll thank ye publicly.

Khabarnama

Khabarnama is your daily (Allah Paak Ka Waada this time) roundup of news and current events for your interest.


Much like all other major mainstream media outlets, we have been avoiding reporting on the John Edwards baby scandal. The two major reasons for this: a) The initial reports are from the not always reliable, National Enquirer and b) George Soros and the lefties pay us billions of dollars to stay liberal. At the risk of antagonizing of our sugar daddy, here's the latest from the National Enquirer because it looks like it is probably true. My mom's going to be heartbroken. Ugh, even the website's trashy. Anyway, enjoy National Enquirer from the comfort of your home, without having to steal glances at it in the checkout line at Shoprite!

According to an ex-bodyguard, Salman Rushdie's a cheap, nasty and arrogant ass. These are unconfirmed reports, but really there was no way I wasn't linking to that.

Raj Bhavsar, an Indian fellow from Houston, has replaced defending Gold Medalist Paul Hamm on the men's Olympic team. Hamm had to pull out due to an injury. The odds of Raj Bhavsar having a Getting To Know feature done on him have just doubl...nay, triple axled (Thanks to Pritam)

Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid al-Makhtoum, the PM and ruler of Dubai, is at Camp David. Upon his arrival he employed a Bedazzler to "do up" his helicopter by adding 24 karat diamond studs to his seat belts.

Apparently there was a huge face-off between Shahrukh and Salman Khan at Katrina Kaif's 24th birthday party. How has this not made the cover of TIME? Here's a clip about the showdown complete with voice over work that would put Morgan Freeman to shame:

Please send any Khabarnama suggestions to biharishabab.blogspot.com. You will rewarded for your efforts with a diamond encrusted email of gratitude from the Sheikh of Abu Dhabhi.

Khabarnama

Khabarnama is a quasi occasional link dump of the news we think is worth your time but not enough to warrant actual posts.

It really is like Fox News isn't even trying to pretend they are a legitimate news organization anymore. Honestly, I admire their moxie.

You know, sexy twentysomethings from NJ aren't the only ones with desi blogs. Superstars from yester-year like Amitabh have ones too.(Thanks Nauman)

As do moody geniuses like Aamir Khan.

As well as ambiguously sexual identitied mega directors.

Sideline reporter Bonnie Bernstein is an idiot.

The cap on IPL player's salaries may be lifted soon. You know this is going to lead to Desi MTV Cribs where every single Indian cricket player will show off their walls adjourned with Agnipath Posters aka the Indian Scarface.(Thanks Nabeel)

And finally, we leave you with a video from the Onion News Network.

Volatile India-Pakistan Standoff Enters 11,680th Day

Want to be the talk of the town like the two gentleman up top who contributed to Khabarnama? Well then, please send suggestions and links to raheelium@gmail.com. As always you will be thanked for your efforts and may or may not be entered in a drawing to win a chance to perhaps date the new Ms. Pakistan World.

Khabarnama

Khabarnama is a quasi occasional link dump of the news we think is worth your time but not enough to warrant actual posts.


An Indian politician is conducting an 11 day prayer for Obama. He's also sending him a giant gold plated Hanuman idol for good luck. Hmm. I uhh....I HAVE NO COMMENT. YOU HEAR ME! NONE!

Fresh off it's successful seduction of Steven Spielberg and Dreamworks, Reliance has now inked a multi-year deal with Amitabh. Only a matter of time now before they get around to sexy, independent desi pop culture bloggers.

An IIM graduate from Bihar has decided to put his hard earned degree to good use...by wrapping fresh vegetables in it and selling them across the country.

An MP from Bihar was convicted of a 16 year old murder case.

Will Smith on the Colbert Report.

And finally, it's two of our favorite things on this blog together: The non-threatening soft-rock music of Coldplay and the godless liberalism of The Daily Show:

You see how awful these links were? Want to help avoid this in the future? Please send any suggestion to us at raheelium@gmail.com. We will show you our gratitude for your troubles by giving away a 2 month parking pass for one of the three helipads at our new Daddy Mukesh Ambani's residence....or we'll give you a shout out on this here fine site.

It's Baracko Friday at Bihari Shabab

Let's just come out and say it. Given my background and my love for all things sodomy, there's a 97% chance that if I'm are going to vote this coming November it will be for Barack Obama. There's no reason play coy or to deny something that should be fairly obvious to everyone. With that said, we hope to be, what's the phrase, ahem "fair and balanced" in our coverage and may even be a end up being little extra harsh on the Senator, kind of like a Little League coach who is unnecessarily benches his kid, just to prove there is no favoritism from our side.

What you see up top is the first national general election commercial of the Obama 08 campaign. It's nice and everything, but not exactly goosebumps inducing. Somebody on the Obama team needs to listen to Lovers In Japan from the new Coldplay album and put together a montage. Similarly, I think it would be prudent for team McCain/Jindal to look into securing the rights to Lost! for an inspirational ad around September. What qualifications do we have to be making these suggestions? None really. But we've seen enough Yash Raj productions in our day to know how to assault and manipulate your audience's emotions into submission. Karan Johar has made me cry more times than the endings of "Rudy" and "Braveheart"* combined.

Anyway to make good on our fair and balanced proclamation earlier, how about some anti-Obama news? First of, he rescinded on his earlier promise to only use public funding for the general election in favor of private funding. He's the first candidate to go that route because the public funding would be capped at around $85Million and he can raise much more than that privately. John McCain will be using the public funds and has already come out and bashed the Obama for going back on his word. Not that it's really going to matter in the big picture, but it's a pretty dick move.

Second. Two Muslim women, Hebba Aref and Shimaa Abedelfadeel (of the Detroit Abedelfadeels), were refused seats behind Obama at a rally in Detroit because someone didn't want the TV cameras to catch their Hijabi heads bopping around during this "sensitive political climate". Now the campaign has come out and said that this is not their policy and apologized to the two women for this behavior. Furthermore, Barack personally called the two women and apologized for the whole thing, which they accepted. Apology or no apology, this episode makes my blood boil, and not because of the discrimination thing, but because I think Hijabis are hot. And I can't forgive the Obama campaign for robbing me the opportunity to gawk at them from the comfort of my living room. I'm getting older and the prospective Shaadi talent pool is quickly dwindling. Refusing to put hottie hijabis on TV is only going to hurt matters.

For a another take on this, we turn to the Daily Show. You might be thinking, hey this is the second Daily Show clip this week. You would be correct and you should probably get used to it. The only thing that can match my lack of creativity is my laziness.

*What I really mean is "Titanic" but between that and the pro-sodomy stuff, it's not looking good for my manliness.

Khabarnama

Khabarnama is a daily(hopefully) link dump of the news we think is worth your GD time but not enough to warrant actual posts.

On the heels of our link to Mukesh Ambani's profile in the NY Times, Stephen Spielberg and Dreamworks close a $600 Million deal with Reliance. First of all, Stephen, we didn't know you were a reader. Hello! Nice to have you here. Secondly, I think we're one step closer to my ET vs. Jadoo script becoming a reality.

So it turns out not only was Tiger's injury at the US Open worse than we initially thought, but he now needs surgery on his knee and will be out for the remainder of the year. I so want to be him when I grow up.

India's the murder capital of the world! To the good people of Newark, I spit on you, get off your ass and correct this gaffe.

Barack's campaign is tightening control of his image due to rumors on the internet that he is a Muslim. Conforming to the pressures of dirty politics after campaigning for 16 months against doing just that. Yes We Can!

Please send suggestions to raheelium@gmail.com. To show our gratitude, we will reunite you with your long lost once chubby half brother...or may simply be credited on the blog. Your pick!

Thanks.

Getting to Know Fareed Zakaria.

We at BihariShabab pride ourselves on writing a blog that is not only a great way to waste time but also a great way to learn. A little while back you learned about Bobby Jindal and today I'm going to teach you a little about another brown man making a name for himself here in the United States of America: Fareed Zakaria.
Fareed Zakaria is an editor and columnist for Newsweek as well as the author of a few books including "The Post-American World" on which there was some guftagu on "Mere Mutabiq" (I laugh when he says General Kallu....KALLU!) which I watched but didn't understand. Zakaria is popular amongst the liberals in the nation and has been featured on several television shows, most notably The Daily Show. Zakaria came to prominence after 9/11 when he wrote the acclaimed essay "Why They Hate Us." Zakaria's name has recently come up in discussions as a potential Secretary of State under Obama sahib, although that's really just a pipe dream and he says as much. So, what's the big deal? Well he's a brown man with a realistic and progressive foreign policy and he's living the American dream, that's right he's married to a white woman! Let's break this down a little. Information again courtesy of Wiki and my own brilliant mind, but mostly Wiki.

Name: Fareed Zakaria
Hey Fareed Zakaria Sounds Desi! that's because he was born in Mumbai to Rafiq Zakaria, a minister in the government and Fatima Zakaria, a former editor of the Times of India. So he's built for this, basically it's like if Secretariat and Shahrukh Khan reproduced. I don't think that needs an explanation.
Born: January 20, 1964 (44 years old) be sure to send him an E-card.
Religion: Islam (there goes that secretary of state job), however he is not a practicing Muslim and he is raising his kids as either Protestant or Muslim, he doesn't seem to care. Also he was a wine critic for Slate. HARAM! and Slate sucks.
Education: Metric pass; Cathedral and John Connon school in Mumbai. BA: Yale University where he was president of the Yale Political Union. Ph.D from Harvard.
Cut: 5'10, fair skin.
Biwi/Bachey: As stated above Fareed's wife, a miss Paula Throckmorton Zakaria, is a gauri. There are no pictures of her so I'm gonna assume that as a couple they look a little like this. She's a Harvard M.B.A. so I'm assuming they met when she went to Mumbai to shoot a movie about Indian revolutionaries during the British Raj in which Fareed played Bhagat Singh. They have three children; Omar, Lila, and Sofia. I knew of a family with the same racial dynamic where the kids were named Jeffery/Jaffrey, Shawn/Shaan, and Cameron/Kamran. I thought that was a clever compromise.
Political Views: Fareed mian is a realist. Meaning he has some kick ass foreign policy ideas. He doesn't like the way the Bush administration forces democracy upon nations lacking civil liberties, reasoning that liberty has preceded democracy in functioning democracies in the world. He supported the Iraq war but became critical once it was apparent that it wasn't going to be a Bosnia/Kosovo type UN led invasion. Socially I don't know what his views are but given that he's pro-sharab and pro-white woman I'm going to say that he's ambivalent/liberal, he seems to be focused more on the international than the national.
Hey wait, he seems like a great guy: well that's probably because so far he is. He could possibly be the greatest Secretary of State since Cordell Hull (father of the UN). Too bad he's a Muslim, otherwise that could have been a real possibility. As for his personal life, that may turn off many conservative South Asians. I understand your qualms but I'd have to say that his foreign policy is for the most part impeccable, he understands Arab and South Asian politics and society unlike any other western observer. And ultimately, aren't you more worried about whether or not your family in South Asia may have a bomb dropped on them by the United States or whether or not the gay guy that works at the Banana Republic is gonna get married to another gay guy?
So should we vote for him? sorry, that's not-applicable since he's a dirty immigrant.

Khabarnama

Khabarnama is a daily(hopefully) link dump of the news we think is worth your GD time but not enough to warrant actual posts.


An excellent article on Indian Billionaire Mukesh Ambani

A Look at SRK the Businessman from cnn.com

Pakistan beat India to win the tri-series cup between India, Pakistan and Bangl....East Pakistan. For their winning effort, the Pakistani team will be rewarded with copies of unedited Hindi movies from 1991 through 1997 that they don't have to watch through their ammi's dupata to combat the pixelized censorship. I can't wait until they get to the Mamta Kulkarni years and retroactively fall in love with her.

It's the trailer for Ram Gopal Verma's Contract which is about the Indian underworld (no surprise there) and terrorism (oooh, intriguing). There's really no reason why this won't be excellent.

Here's the trailer for renowned egomaniac and all around douche Kamal Hassan's Dasavatharam. Of the many reasons I think I'm going to hate this movie, I think I would have to list "Kamal Hassan crediting himself as Dr. Kamal Hassan in the credits" at number 1.

That douchebag from LoveStory 2050 isn't even pretending to be more than a Hrithik copy and I kind of admire him for that. Harman Baweja, I don't like you, but I respect the hell out of you.

Cedar Rapids, Iowa is completely underwater. Obviously I hope everyone makes it out alive, but if it's possible, can we please just let them hang out for a couple of weeks without any aid. I'd like to avoid watching Reverend Al on TV comparing this to Katrina. Thanks!!

President Bush wants to get Osama Bin Laden before he leaves office because he's worried about his legacy. Yup, because that would totally make us see things your way.

Aziz Ansari got cast in "The Office" spinoff. Good times!

The Happening came out. You should all watch it to show support for our desi brother Manny Shamms, even if he has lost his GD mind.

Please send suggestions to raheelium@gmail.com. To show our gratitude, you will be the subject of a hardcore rap song in the vein of "Hit Em Up" written and composed by FAM and subsequently posted on youtube...or may simply be credited on the blog. Your pick!

Thanks.

Tim Russert: 1950 - 2008

Tim Russert, the mediator of NBC's influential Sunday morning show "Meet the Press" and MSNBC's "The Tim Russert Show", passed away on Friday from a massive heart attack. With politics being in the zeitgeist this year as much as it has been and will continue to be till November and because of our penchant to prove ourselves to be the uninformed jackasses we are, it seems we will be covering politics on this here blog. Russert's passing has just made doing that much more challenging.

Although he held a number of different positions (chief of staff to Senators, campaign runner, special council) within the Democratic party early in his career, Russert was one of the few journalists whose work was admired and respected on both sides of the aisle. One only needed to watch Russert's work to understand why. He was an excellent moderator whose line of questioning was firmly entrenched in facts and cut through the BS of the talking points that guests of these kinds of shows tend to shower us with, keeping his demeanor calm all the while. Although he held the title of a political TV commentator, he remained a gentleman who effortlessly navigated through the allure of becoming a caricature that many of his colleagues fell victim to, whether that be the Watch-Me-Speak-Louder-Than-You blow-hard conservative (See: O'Reilly, Bill) or smug self-satisfied Liberal douche (I'm so over you Keith Olbermann).

On a personal note, the first presidential election I followed closely was the 2000 race between Al Gore and Gee Dubbs. I couldn't vote because 1) I was not yet of age and 2) I hadn't become a naturalized citizen yet, but you knew then something special was in the air because of just how different the two sides were*. So I stayed up well into the night watching the coverage on the three major networks, flipping around between Peter Jennings' unflappably elegant, almost James Bondian coverage, to Dan Rather's batshit crazy rambling, to Tom Brokaw's mumbling delivery when I saw Tim Russert sitting aside Brokow break out the now infamous white board to do some number crunching. At that time there were 4 states left that had not been called for either candidate including Florida, as he started to do a break down of the electorates that were already decided. I was following along, doing the calculations in my head when I realized that regardless of who won the other 3 states, whoever won Florida would win the entire thing. Almost on cue, Russert completed his calculations and wrote the words "Florida, Florida, Florida" on the white board and could barely contain a giant smile that showcased his exuberance for the political process. I imagine that anyone who watched Russert on a regular basis felt that sort of warm connection with him at one point or another. He was undeniably brilliant, but he didn't need to prove that to you by shoving it in your face. He sat across the table from the most powerful figures in politics, but knew better than to make himself part of the story, choosing instead to represent us and ask the tough questions that we wished we could ask.

All this and he was also the self proclaimed number 1 Bills fan, which was either a manifestation of his Catholic guilt or a sign of his loyalty to his native upstate New York. Which in my book would be the lone blemish on an otherwise immaculate resume.

RIP.

*In the interest of full disclosure, it should be noted I was totally Pro-Bush and would have voted for him if I could. I think there were a couple of reasons for this.

1) I don't know why we forget this now, but a lot of people were not Bill Clinton/DNC fans when he left office and rightfully so. The man got a BJ in the oval office! You know that adult movie you just saw right before coming to this blog, well imagine that but only with the President of the United States rather than Randy Spears, and in the Oval Office rather than the back alley of a restaurant, or wherever they shoot those things, not that I would know or anything. Anyway, say what you will about GW, but I'm sure we don't have to worry about our tax dollars going to pay for Lemon Scented Pinesol to clean the underside of his desk.

2) Al Gore in 2000 was kinda, sorta douchey. He wasn't the fun chubby Al Gore who makes cameos on 30 Rock and parties with Leo. He was a stiff Al Gore, a fabulist who said he created the Internet and a rude nincompoop who kept sighing heavily during W's responses in the debates. W on the other hand was the laid back Texan who got DUIs and called a NY Times reporters"a major league assholes" into a microphone he didn't realize was turned on. You could relate to him, he looked like he would be fun to hang out with and he was a breath of fresh air after the the stench of the last 3 crummy years. You may also recognize these as the reasons why I'm voting for Barack Obama this time....hmmm.

3) Umm, Al Gore had a Jewish Vice President. And not a cool, funny Jew like Jon Stewart or Adam Sandler, but a hardcore orthodox Jew who looked and sounded like Droopy and was a consistent supporter of Israel. I'll just come out and say it, Pre-9/11, Afghanistan War, Iraq War, Katrina, and Recession we were all a bit more shallow than we should have been. Our bad!

Khabarnama

Khabarnama is a daily(hopefully) link dump of the news we think is worth your GD time but not enough to warrant actual posts.

So that's why it cost me $4.05 a gallon this morning.

Nope, I take it back, this is the reason why it costs me $4.05 a gallon this morning.

Ohhh, yeah....pow-chik-ka pow-wow, pow-chi.....oh F$CK!...Hey, literally!

NBA refs apparently unfairly targeted Yao Ming. Unless they attacked his kneecap with a steel pipe, he has nothing to complain about. Expect a post on this soon from noted Centers from the Orient Apologist FAM.

Hey! Steve Jobs Nano.

Probably want to hold the tomatoes on your veggie Whopper for a little while.


Please send suggestions to raheelium@gmail.com. You will receive a letter of gratitude written in FAM's blood or may simply be credited on the blog. Your pick!
Thanks.

Yeh Bobby Bobby Kaun Hai? Yeh Bobby Bobby..

By now, I'm sure we have all heard the name Bobby Jindal. Perhaps just in passing, maybe in a Hurricane Katrina special on CNN, or maybe you came upon it late one night, in the comfort and privacy or your home, while googling "Senator Barney Frank Spank"(Jump to 6:45, it's a long clip).
Either way, we don't think the young governor has been given enough attention from the desi community. Especially considering his impressive accomplishments at such a young age and more importantly because he is about to become a whole lot more relevant to the American Political discourse (does that make us sound like douchebags?). Anyway, here's a little background on the soon to be Republican VP nominee courtesy of Wiki.

Name: Bobby Jindal
Hey Bobby doesn't sound Desi: First name actually Piyush, adopted Bobby from watching the Brady Bunch (aw, that's cute)
Born: June 10th, 1971 (37 years old), Baton Rouge, LA (hence in the running for VP)
Religion: Born Hindu, converted to Catholicism in High School. This could be the first hurdle in attaining the desi vote because that revelation may at first seem a little dubious, if only because we tend to be cynical about that kind of stuff, but upon further review is absolutely genuine. Bobby doesn't hold back on defending his Catholic faith, sometimes even more strongly than it might behoove him. You can read more about it on www.jindalonreligion.com an excellent sampling of his writings and speeches on the subject.
Education: Undergraduate from Brown in Biology and Public Policy ('91). Masters in Political Science from Oxford(Rhodes Scholar). Impressive!
Biwi / Bachay: Supriya Jindal (36). Met Bobby in high school, but did not date him until 1996 when his date to a Mardi Gras Ball canceled at the last minute, so I guess that's cute too. She looks kinda like the good bahu on a Zee TV soap opera, so that's good, but they kiss and dash in public, which will probably make desi voters uncomfortable as it gives me the heebs n' jeebs.
3 Kids - Selia Elizabeth, Shaan Robert & Slade Ryan (sweet names).

Political Background:

• Got his start in 1996 when he was appointed by then Governor of Lousiana, Murphy Foster Jr., to the office of Secretary of Louisiana Department of Health and Hospitals. In 3 years, converted a $400 million deficit to a $220 million surplus.
  
• He was appointed to a number of different commissions from that point on
  
• The most notable appointment came in 2001 when he was unanimously confirmed to the office of Assistant Secretary of Health and Human Services for Planning and Evaluation based on the nomination of W. Or wait was it Assistant to the Secretary of Health and Human Services for Planning and Evaluation...same thing...no it's not. Anyway, at 30, Bobby is the youngest person ever assigned to that post.
• Ran in and and lost the 2003 Louisiana Gubernatorial Election by a margin of 52-48
• After losing the election, ran for and won the seat vacated by David Vitter in Louisiana's 1st congressional district. David Vitter admitted to using a DC madame in 2007 which has nothing to do with anything but allows me to link to this terrific video.
• After two years in the House, Bobby ran for and easily won the Governorship of Louisiana. He's the youngest governor in the US, and the first non-white governor of Louisiana since the civil war, when a guy named P.B.S Pincher was in office for 35 days. He was biracial and P.B.S is clearly a rap name.

Political Views: Jindal is hardcore ultraconservative. He's pro-life, anti-stem cell research, supports teaching intelligent design in school, not a big fan of the separation between church and state, voted for making the Patriot Act permanent, voted against gay marriage, wants to fence up the borders and received an A Rating from the Gun Owners of America.
Hey Wait, He Kinda Sounds Like a D-Bag: Well I guess that depends on your definition of a d-bag. Like we said, he is ultraconservative and like any good Desi kid, he goes about proving it by showcasing his conservatism 100%.
In doing my background for this post, there were two positive things that stand out above anything else about Bobby Jindal.
1) He is ridiculously competent.
2) He absolutely believes everything that he says.
As you can imagine both of those qualities are refreshing.
Of course the major negative is that he really doesn't have a kinship with his fellow desis or minorities in general. It's seems as if he's trying to out-conservative the most conservative members of the Republican party so that no one can point a finger at his let's say "nontraditional" appearance. His policies and his voting record make him come off as a "close the door behind me" type of immigrant, which I guess, isn't uncommon in our community.
So Should We Vote For Him: That comes down simply to what direction it is that you believe this country should go into. When it comes to the technicality of being a public servant, Bobby Jindal is easily one of the most well equipped candidates you could find. He's hard working, honest, brilliant and does the work he promises to do. If you agree with the things he stands for there's no one better for you to cast your vote for. If you disagree with him, then you better hope he loses because there's no way he's not going to deliver.

Marietta, GA May Not Be Ready For A Black President

In his defense, he's also selling Herbert / McCain 08 T-Shirts. Oh also, I would personally like to thank the unsung hero in this, the unnamed New Jersey-ite who surely bought 100 T-Shirts just to take them off the street. I salute you sir.

Clinton Wins West Virginia in A Blowout....Hill-Billies Rejoice....And I.....

Quietly mutter "motherf**ker!" to myself. Yes Hillary Clinton beat Barack Obama like a rented stepchild in the Democratic Primary for the great state of West Viriginia. Clinton won by a margin of 67 to 26, which our political expert and resident Mathlete Pritam Dodeja tells me is somewhere between 39 and 45%.

Anyway, this means that the race between the Democrats is going to go on at least till the last primary on June 3rd, so you know, enjoy all that democracy.

Cnn.com

India Responds to Bush's Food Shortage Criticism; Calls American's Fatty McFatties

So about two weeks ago President of the US and noted Girls Gone Wild enthusiast*, George W. Bush decided - not surprising, he is after all "The Decider" - that rapidly developing nations like India and China are to be blamed for the current food shortage. Well, to paraphrase once great, currently homeless rapper Noreaga, "India don't play that shit".

Instead of blaming India and other developing nations for the rise in food prices, Americans should rethink their energy policy and go on a diet, say a growing number of politicians, economists and academics (in India).

Oooh snap! I don't like the thought of being in the middle of an India v. US war of words. If only because I, along with numerous hack comics will be forced to make the same "But who will answer our tech support" jokes. Yeah, that's gonna blow.

*Unfounded claim.

West Virginia Is For Lovers....Who Happen To Be Siblings

An artist rendering of what we think Mr. Simpson looks like.

I know that so far in this little endeavor of ours we have avoided getting too political. Heck, we've pretty much avoided talking about anything really that doesn't involve the enchanting skills of Rakhi Sawant. There are a couple reasons for this. The first and most important being that we are, for the most part, remarkably shallow. Aww-inspiringly even. The depths of our shallowness really knows no bounds. But another reason is the fact that it is almost impossible to talk about politics without sounding like a big ole' bag of douche. It can't be done. Trust us, we've tried talking with the fine people at SAALT, and we feel like punching ourselves in the face every time an asinine comment of ours like "Barack Obama is totally like Raj Aryan Malhotra in Muhabbaetin, I would totally write on a leaf and salute him if he asked me to" is met with an awkward silence. So we've come to a healthy compromise. We will only talk about politics in the least cringe inducing way possible. Namely highlighting other people's faults and snickering at them from a far.

Sometimes this is going to be easier than others. As in the case of lifelong Democrat and West Virginia resident, Leonard Simpson, who explained to the Financial Times website, why he will not be casting a vote for Illinois Senator Barack Obama in the upcoming WV primary this coming Tuesday.

“I heard that Obama is a Muslim and his wife’s an atheist,” said Mr Simpson, drawing on a cigarette outside the fire station in Williamson, a coalmining town of 3,400 people surrounded by lush wooded hillsides."

The fact that a half retard baboon like Mr. Simpson has a vote is a smidge scary. Do you know how hard you have to work to not know that Obama isn't a Muslim? Not only would you have to go out of your way to avoid any television news in the last year and a half also have to dodge newspapers like they were the plague, or in the case of Mr. Simpson, you know, a black person.

I mean sure it's a little hypocritical for us to be saying this, considering I'm voting for Obama on the basis that he plays basketball and because I like rap music, and because Hillary Clinton's daughter is more uncomfortable talking about her mother in public than Shah Rukh's daughter in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. But I guess what the moral here is that we all go and vote*. S0 we look forward to casting our vote this November alongside you Mr. Simpson, you newspaper avoiding, sister-hitting-on, current BC of the week nominee and front runner, racist to an almost adorable level son of a bitch you.

*So not the moral, but I can't think of another way to end this post.

FT.com
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - Part 2
Barack Obama Mixtape