McCain's Going To Win

This is Reagan. You know who liked him? Rednecks. You know who else? No one.

I'm at a loss for words. First, read this. Just read it and be prepared to have your heart drop. I can't....I just can't. WHY!?!?!?!

Am I overreacting? I mean I know plenty of rednecks and they behave pretty much like the guy says they do and if it weren't for rednecks we would've only had four years of Bush. Aww pantshirt...Now I gotta register to vote.

It's Baracko Friday at Bihari Shabab

Let's just come out and say it. Given my background and my love for all things sodomy, there's a 97% chance that if I'm are going to vote this coming November it will be for Barack Obama. There's no reason play coy or to deny something that should be fairly obvious to everyone. With that said, we hope to be, what's the phrase, ahem "fair and balanced" in our coverage and may even be a end up being little extra harsh on the Senator, kind of like a Little League coach who is unnecessarily benches his kid, just to prove there is no favoritism from our side.

What you see up top is the first national general election commercial of the Obama 08 campaign. It's nice and everything, but not exactly goosebumps inducing. Somebody on the Obama team needs to listen to Lovers In Japan from the new Coldplay album and put together a montage. Similarly, I think it would be prudent for team McCain/Jindal to look into securing the rights to Lost! for an inspirational ad around September. What qualifications do we have to be making these suggestions? None really. But we've seen enough Yash Raj productions in our day to know how to assault and manipulate your audience's emotions into submission. Karan Johar has made me cry more times than the endings of "Rudy" and "Braveheart"* combined.

Anyway to make good on our fair and balanced proclamation earlier, how about some anti-Obama news? First of, he rescinded on his earlier promise to only use public funding for the general election in favor of private funding. He's the first candidate to go that route because the public funding would be capped at around $85Million and he can raise much more than that privately. John McCain will be using the public funds and has already come out and bashed the Obama for going back on his word. Not that it's really going to matter in the big picture, but it's a pretty dick move.

Second. Two Muslim women, Hebba Aref and Shimaa Abedelfadeel (of the Detroit Abedelfadeels), were refused seats behind Obama at a rally in Detroit because someone didn't want the TV cameras to catch their Hijabi heads bopping around during this "sensitive political climate". Now the campaign has come out and said that this is not their policy and apologized to the two women for this behavior. Furthermore, Barack personally called the two women and apologized for the whole thing, which they accepted. Apology or no apology, this episode makes my blood boil, and not because of the discrimination thing, but because I think Hijabis are hot. And I can't forgive the Obama campaign for robbing me the opportunity to gawk at them from the comfort of my living room. I'm getting older and the prospective Shaadi talent pool is quickly dwindling. Refusing to put hottie hijabis on TV is only going to hurt matters.

For a another take on this, we turn to the Daily Show. You might be thinking, hey this is the second Daily Show clip this week. You would be correct and you should probably get used to it. The only thing that can match my lack of creativity is my laziness.

*What I really mean is "Titanic" but between that and the pro-sodomy stuff, it's not looking good for my manliness.

Tim Russert: 1950 - 2008

Tim Russert, the mediator of NBC's influential Sunday morning show "Meet the Press" and MSNBC's "The Tim Russert Show", passed away on Friday from a massive heart attack. With politics being in the zeitgeist this year as much as it has been and will continue to be till November and because of our penchant to prove ourselves to be the uninformed jackasses we are, it seems we will be covering politics on this here blog. Russert's passing has just made doing that much more challenging.

Although he held a number of different positions (chief of staff to Senators, campaign runner, special council) within the Democratic party early in his career, Russert was one of the few journalists whose work was admired and respected on both sides of the aisle. One only needed to watch Russert's work to understand why. He was an excellent moderator whose line of questioning was firmly entrenched in facts and cut through the BS of the talking points that guests of these kinds of shows tend to shower us with, keeping his demeanor calm all the while. Although he held the title of a political TV commentator, he remained a gentleman who effortlessly navigated through the allure of becoming a caricature that many of his colleagues fell victim to, whether that be the Watch-Me-Speak-Louder-Than-You blow-hard conservative (See: O'Reilly, Bill) or smug self-satisfied Liberal douche (I'm so over you Keith Olbermann).

On a personal note, the first presidential election I followed closely was the 2000 race between Al Gore and Gee Dubbs. I couldn't vote because 1) I was not yet of age and 2) I hadn't become a naturalized citizen yet, but you knew then something special was in the air because of just how different the two sides were*. So I stayed up well into the night watching the coverage on the three major networks, flipping around between Peter Jennings' unflappably elegant, almost James Bondian coverage, to Dan Rather's batshit crazy rambling, to Tom Brokaw's mumbling delivery when I saw Tim Russert sitting aside Brokow break out the now infamous white board to do some number crunching. At that time there were 4 states left that had not been called for either candidate including Florida, as he started to do a break down of the electorates that were already decided. I was following along, doing the calculations in my head when I realized that regardless of who won the other 3 states, whoever won Florida would win the entire thing. Almost on cue, Russert completed his calculations and wrote the words "Florida, Florida, Florida" on the white board and could barely contain a giant smile that showcased his exuberance for the political process. I imagine that anyone who watched Russert on a regular basis felt that sort of warm connection with him at one point or another. He was undeniably brilliant, but he didn't need to prove that to you by shoving it in your face. He sat across the table from the most powerful figures in politics, but knew better than to make himself part of the story, choosing instead to represent us and ask the tough questions that we wished we could ask.

All this and he was also the self proclaimed number 1 Bills fan, which was either a manifestation of his Catholic guilt or a sign of his loyalty to his native upstate New York. Which in my book would be the lone blemish on an otherwise immaculate resume.

RIP.

*In the interest of full disclosure, it should be noted I was totally Pro-Bush and would have voted for him if I could. I think there were a couple of reasons for this.

1) I don't know why we forget this now, but a lot of people were not Bill Clinton/DNC fans when he left office and rightfully so. The man got a BJ in the oval office! You know that adult movie you just saw right before coming to this blog, well imagine that but only with the President of the United States rather than Randy Spears, and in the Oval Office rather than the back alley of a restaurant, or wherever they shoot those things, not that I would know or anything. Anyway, say what you will about GW, but I'm sure we don't have to worry about our tax dollars going to pay for Lemon Scented Pinesol to clean the underside of his desk.

2) Al Gore in 2000 was kinda, sorta douchey. He wasn't the fun chubby Al Gore who makes cameos on 30 Rock and parties with Leo. He was a stiff Al Gore, a fabulist who said he created the Internet and a rude nincompoop who kept sighing heavily during W's responses in the debates. W on the other hand was the laid back Texan who got DUIs and called a NY Times reporters"a major league assholes" into a microphone he didn't realize was turned on. You could relate to him, he looked like he would be fun to hang out with and he was a breath of fresh air after the the stench of the last 3 crummy years. You may also recognize these as the reasons why I'm voting for Barack Obama this time....hmmm.

3) Umm, Al Gore had a Jewish Vice President. And not a cool, funny Jew like Jon Stewart or Adam Sandler, but a hardcore orthodox Jew who looked and sounded like Droopy and was a consistent supporter of Israel. I'll just come out and say it, Pre-9/11, Afghanistan War, Iraq War, Katrina, and Recession we were all a bit more shallow than we should have been. Our bad!