Your Daily Asia Cup Update

Your Daily Asia Cup Update is like the hot second cousin of our immensely popular Daily IPL Update feature. It's here to visit once a year, you enjoy it's company, it teases and titillates you into thinking that hey maybe there's a chance here and then poof it's gone before your parents and it's parent can talk Rishta Wishta. The Asia Cup is currently taking place in Pakistan. This is your one stop shop for all scores, stats and insights. Actually, this is probably your one stop shop for that stuff, but please do still come over for some jokes shokes yaar.

June 26th:
Pakistan vs. India
National Stadium Karachi
India wins by 6 wickets

India's decisive beating of Pakistan was so resounding that it's taken me four days to emotionally prepare myself to recap it. Virender Sehwag, who is either suffering the same dastardly effects of roadside dhaba aloo paratha that I had the last time I was in Karachi or just walked off the set of Gandhi: The Love Bug, destroyed Pakistan's bowling for 119 off of 95 balls. He was declared the Man of the Match for his effort but kept overnight for observation at Dow Medical University. You know making these jokes about his health somehow lessons the sting. Anyway, captain Shoaib Malik had 125 off of 119 for Pakistan who put up what should have been a more formidable 299, but it was not nearly enough as India needed less than 43 overs to beat it. Adding injury to insult, Pakistani stud fast bowler Umar Gul injured himself in the second over and is now out for the entire series. Fanf*ckintastic.

Sri Lanka vs. UAE
Gadaffi Stadium Lahore
Sri Lanka wins by 142 runs

There are many reasons why Sri Lanka won this game, none more relevant than the fact that they were playing the UAE. I could beat the UAE with a group of 12 year old kids from Paposh Nagar in Karachi. A gentleman by the name of Balapuwaduge Ajantha Winslo Mendis was the man of the match for 5 wickets for 22 runs outing. Reached for a comment after the game Mendis claimed that "spelling my first name is requires more of an effort than playin' these guys. Ya'll nig**s ain't on my level...sheeet". He didn't really say that, but wouldn't it have been great if he did?

June 28th:
India vs. Bangladesh
National Stadium Karachi
India wins by 7 wickets

SK Raina continued his hot streak by netting 116 runs off of 107 balls helping India to an easy win over the Bangladeshi East Pakistanis. Mr. Raina won his second straight Man of the Match and is well on his way to be declared Man of the Series if India remains as dominant as they have. In related news, I'm well on my way to stop following the stupid Asia Cup if this continues. Sure some people may think I'm just being bitter and that I should revel in the sportsmanship spirit of the games. Well those people don't have money riding on a sweet India loss. How about you leave me and my crippling gambling problem alone.

June 29th:
Pakistan vs. Sri Lanka
National Stadium Karachi
Sri Lanka wins by 64 runs

Man o' the match KC Sangakkara had 112 off of 110 balls against a Pakistani attack that's laying out so easily in front of opposing batters that I'm beginning to suspect they're being coached by Pumkin from Flavor of Love (Badum Tish! Get it? Cuz she's easy!). I really don't feel like recapping the rest of this game.

June 30th
Sri Lanka vs. Bangladesh
National Stadium Karachi
Sri Lanka wins by 158 runs

KC Sangakkara abused the Bangladeshi bowling attack for 121 off of 128 balls but that wasn't even the best performance on his team. Man of the Match Sannat Jayasuria had 130 off of just 80 balls to notch the new high for the series. Sri Lankan ace and renowned Casanova Muttiah Murlitharan(he's a spinner...ladies) had 5 wickets for 31 runs.With the win, Sri Lanka has clinched a spot in the finals. India can clinch the second spot with a win over either Pakistan or Sri Lanka over the next 4 days.