"This Is Chitting, You Are a Chitter"

Oh Johnny Bhai, how prophetic your words were.

This may be hard to believe, but this Diwali will mark the 10th anniversary of the release of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. I hope you feel as old reading that last sentence as I do typing it. Anyway, of the many lessons I learned from the film (i.e. internal bleeding while fatal, it will not rob you of the ability to hand write 7 lengthy letters to your child etc.), the one that made the greatest impression on me was the Johnny Lever's legendary screed against the virtues of females. Oh sure, I spent the last 10 years fooling myself, learning to trust women, believing they weren't just an untrustworthy species encased in hot hot bodies. I believed that all until today....

"Like an increasing number of other Muslim women in Europe, she had a "hymenoplasty," a restoration of her hymen, the thin vaginal membrane that normally breaks during the first act of intercourse.
....
That trend in turn has created a demand among cosmetic surgeons for hymen replacements, which, if done properly, they say, will not be detected and will produce tell-tale vaginal bleeding on the wedding night."

Now a lot of people have accused me in the past of being a chauvinist because I think that women should stay home, work out 2 hours a day, make food and plop out and take care of my children. I would prefer to think of myself as a traditionalist, but that's neither here nor there. Either way, I'm sure you understand that this news has shaken the core of my beliefs. I don't know if there's anyway to come back from this. I'm going to go now and take my revenge on the fairer sex by standing up and taking a piss on my walls and then wiping it up with an authentic replica of Title IX, because if there's another thing I learned from Kuch Kuch it's that girls cannot play bas-ket-ball, larkiyan basketbal nahi khel sakti. You see what I did there? That's called a "call back", I just completed this post's circle of life...

For Muslim Women in Europe, A Medical Road Back to Virginity(IHT)