Pakistan Is Broke

Two of these people were in charge of Pakistan.

According to Germany's foreign minister Pakistan is in dire need of a loan as it only has "a few days" to raise billions of dollars before Italy breaks Pakistan's knees. In response to the crisis Pakistan's military has decided to halt construction on a $210 million headquarters that would house three branches of the military. Instead they'll use that money towards a coup attempt in a few months. So who's to blame for Pakistan's crisis? Is it Zardari? Is it.....well no it's Zaradari. I think that when you elect a president who is world renowned for his fantastic mustache and corruption then you shouldn't be surprised when the government is seizing your bank accounts and all of a sudden one of the world's emerging markets is on the brink of ruin. I think you're lucky that Zardari didn't tie your girl to railroad tracks like the cartoon villain he truly is, Pakistan.

Don't Fatwa The Playa, Fatwa The Game

"Come on...you know you wants to pet the stache"

Pakistani President and Ex-Hathaway Lady Tonic spokesperson Asif Zardari has received his fair share of criticism for his illicit game of Pogum Pogayee last week with VP candidate Sarah Palin. Why I even recall seeing certain sites label him with a nickname rhymes with BuckBase. Well it looks like Grabby Hands Johnson has gotten himself into trouble with somebody a little more serious than really really good looking bloggers:

"A radical Muslim prayer leader said the president shamed the nation for "indecent gestures, filthy remarks, and repeated praise of a non-Muslim lady wearing a short skirt."

Now we are obviously not the biggest fans of Mr. Zardair, but come on, we can't just sit back and defend this unfair criticism. No court in the world would qualify what Sarah Palin was wearing as a short skirt. Apparently someone hasn't watched a Flo-Rida video in a while. Anyway, the religious clerics aren't the only ones upset.

Feminists charged that once again a male Pakistani leader has embarrassed the country with sexist remarks. And across the board, the Pakistani press has shown disapproval.

......

The incident bears some resemblance to yet another charm offensive by a senior Pakistani politician. Marcus Mabry's biography of Condoleezza Rice includes a passage in which he relates a meeting between former Pakistani Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz and Ms. Rice, in which Mr. Aziz was said to have stared deeply into the secretary of State's eyes and to have told her he could "conquer any woman in two minutes."

Charming. Another thing Shaukat Aziz could conquer in two minutes? His overmatched neck with his awe-inspiring chin.

So the President now has an Active Fatwa against him. What does this mean? Not much really. As noted in the article, Fatwas range from daily advice to death sentences. The basic point of this one is to shame the President.

According to the Wiki one needs to be a teacher or obtain a license to issue a Fatwa. I wonder if the local mosque can issue Fatwas. How about we get one to figure out this Eid on multiple days business. Or if that's asking too much, why not start small and issue a Fatwa against putting the Raita at the beginning of the food line at weddings like it's dressing. Is anyone against issuing that Fatwa. It protects us from being oversauced. Incorrect salan to raita ratios are threatening the way of life of millions of Shaadi goers in the tri-state area. Do it for the kids.

Special thanks to the unrivaled Mr. Saad Abdaali for the link along with following priceless line:
"Seems Mustachio has got himself a fatwa." Mustachio! I think it's safe to say we have a new nickname for Mr. Zardari. Shotgun trademark!

Hello Fuckface

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