I'm Never Buying Another Pair Of Jordans Again....Unless They Look Really Really Good

The above video is of underrated rapper, Chamillionaire, telling a story of an unpleasant encounter he had with Michael Jordan. I have a cousin who knew this one lady who's kid loved Michael so she drove all the way out to Chicago from DC for a picture and an autograph. She stopped by his restaurant and saw him there and he punched her in the face and stole her purse. True story...Well maybe not, I'm a little hazy on the details, but she was treated poorly by His Airness. It's strange because most athletes become more revered after they retire, you tend to forget all the terrible things they did (unless you're talking about Rae Carruth, although he was pretty good that one year....) but Jordan is just getting eviscerated by the media which is stunning because he was one of the most beloved athletes ever only a decade ago. I'm predicting that Jordan gets into some serious gambling debt and due to his huge alimony payments to Juanita he does something crazy and is the next O.J. Simpson. When it happens, remember that I called it.

Raj Rajaratnam's Gonna Get-a Hurt Real Bad!

That's such a sweet picture, if that was me it'd be my new facebook photo.

This is to spite you Raheel.....

Raj Rajaratnam is a portfolio manager for the Galleon Group, one of the largest hedge funds in the country, as well as one of the richest men in America. He's also accused of insider trading.

Rajaratnam is accused with 7 others of generating $25 million in profit by using insider information to trade securities in several companies including Google. This is illegal. His bail is set at $100 million which seems excessive until you realize that he's the 599th richest person in America according to Forbes with an estimated net worth of $1.3 billion. To put this into perspective for you; 1.3 billion American Dollars is equivalent to 23,140,208,000,000 Vietnamese Dongs. You don't need me to tell you that that's a lot of Dongs. Not only is Rajaratnam accused of insider trading but he's also under investigation for bankrolling the Tamil Tigers, the notorious Sri Lankan softball team, through a fake charity organization.

Adding a bit of international flavor to these affairs is U.S. attorney Preet Bharara who called Rajaratnam a race traitor and said, "greed is not good, this case should be a wake up call for Wall Street." Just some words to live by from Bharararararararara-ji.

As an aside...I can't quit you Biharishabab!

The Jabawockeez Are Better

Here is the video of Diversity's final performance. If you don't know and just about 10 minutes ago I didn't, Diversity is the dance crew that won Britain's Got Talent, beating out Susan Boyle who sang that song and it was all great and everyone cried and blah blah blah talent shows suck. If it's talent you're looking for I think the only place to find it is on Star Search, what other talent show gave us Justin Randall Timberlake? He may have lost on Star Search, but he won the heart of girls...around the world! Anyways, Diversity was pretty average, you know, for a superstar dance crew. Give me Jabawockeez any day. Hell, I'll even take Shaqawockeez.

Needs More Vocoder

Yo Son, It'S dJ kIlLaFaM gIvInG yOu ThE nEwEsT hItS aNd RiGhT nOw I gOt FoR yA'lL aN EXCLUSIVE 'sclusive 'sclusive 'sclusive 'sclusive fRoM mY bOyS tHe YoUnG CoNs RePpIn' JeSuS ChRiSt aNd RePuBlIcAn DuDeS...ShOuT oUt To ThE sTrEeTs It'S tHe YoUnG CoNs, Ya'heARd?

What if that's how I really was? The above video as you may have deciphered is of a douchetastic new hip-hop group; The Young Cons. Don't be fooled, the con is short for conservative, they are guilty of no crime but I'm guessing you can attribute at least 3 date rapes to these two fellows but I suppose that's less of a crime and more of a conflict of interest. My favorite part is the subliminal message at 45 seconds (mainly because I didn't want to watch the entire thing a second time) who wouldn't want to support life if it wears a santa hat!?!

Props to Ainy for the link, Respec!

Child Abuse At Its Most Adorable

On the one hand this video is hilarious to me because, I mean just watch it...it's a grown man beating two toddlers up...wait, that's why it's horrific to me...I guess it's hilarious because of the sound effects? I don't know why it's hilarious but the kid in the middle needs to hit the gym or something because he got his ass handed to him at the 20 second mark. Also please stick around for the head trauma that occurs at the 35 second mark. You know what watch all of it and let me know if I'm supposed to be outraged because I don't even know how to feel about this.