Your Daily Asia Cup Update

Your Daily Asia Cup Update is like the hot second cousin of our immensely popular Daily IPL Update feature. It's here to visit once a year, you enjoy it's company, it teases and titillates you into thinking that hey maybe there's a chance here and then poof it's gone before your parents and it's parent can talk Rishta Wishta.

The Asia Cup is currently taking place in Pakistan. This is your one stop shop for all scores, stats, insights, and snarky comments.


June 24th:
Bangladesh vs. United Arab Emirates
Gaddafi Stadium Lahore
Bangladesh wins by 96 Runs

Mohammad Ashraful posted a 109 runs / not out inning in the first match of the Asia cup. Mo' Ash as he is called lovingly by his teammates was announced the Man of the Match for his effort, and received a 50% voucher for all Lahore area "Salt N' Peppers" as part of his reward. Bangladeshi spinner Abdur Razzak (no, not that one) collected 3 wickets while giving up a measly 20 runs in 10 overs, for which he was awarded floating tubes for him and his entire family.

Pakistan vs. Hong Kong
National Stadium Karachi
Pakistan wins by 155 runs

Pakistan and Hong Kong met in Karachi because apparently we are running out of countries that play cricket. Hong Kong really? Anyway, Younis Khan had 67 runs while Fawad Alam was not out for 63. The real story here is Salman Butt who got his ass caught and bowled for a duck on the third ball of the game...against Hong Kong!?! While I do not wish any team ill, I am looking forward to Hong Kong losing quickly so they can go back to providing me with pirated software and movies that have yet to be released.

June 25th
Bangladesh vs. Sri Lanka
Gaddafi Stadium Lahore
Sri Lanka wins by 131 runs

Coming off the thrashing of the UAE, Bangladesh found out that things are a little tougher playing against a team that is not comprised of Pakistani and Indian immigrants who need a hobby because they have the summer off. Man of the Match KC Sangakarra notched 101 runs off of 91 balls for Sri Lanka, who posted an impressive innings of 357 runs. Abdur Razzak (still not that one) collected three more wickets to bring his tournament high to 6. If he keeps this up he may work his way to winning floaties for the entire neighborhood.

India vs. Hong Kong
National Stadium Karachi
India wins by 256 runs

MS Dhoni and SK Raina both scored centuries for India (109 and 101 respectively) which set a tournament high innings of 374 runs. Although both players had impressive outings, it was Raina who deservedly won the Man of the Match by scoring his 101 off of just 68 balls, collecting 7 fours and 5 sixes which would be even more impressive had it not come against Hong effing Kong. In any event, Dhoni must now lend him the chick from Om Shanti Om until the next game because I hear that's how the Indian club house works. PP Chawla collected 4 wickets for 22 runs for India.

June 26th Matches
Pakistan vs. India
National Stadium Karachi
(Sweet!)

Sri Lanka vs. UAE
Gaddafi Stadium Lahore

Your Occasional IPL Update

Your occasional IPL Update is our recap of the daily results of this inaugural IPL season. Here we will summarize the ga....wait, what? Oh makhi chuce! the season's over? Uhh...here's your final IPL Update. With heart-pounding vidjeo!

Sunday, June 1st

Chennai Super Kings vs. Rajistan Royals
Venue: Dr. DY Patel Sports Academy, Mumbai
Rajistan Wins! Rajistan Ki Jeet!

Recap:
In what was a microcosm of an exciting inaugural season for the IPL, Rajistan defeated Chennai on the last ball of the last over. I would provide you with video of the final over but the IPL suddenly decided it was not cool to have it's videos on youtube. Instead here's a videographic recap complete with sexy Indian Man Voice Guy:



He's sounds so manly! Anyway, Shane Watson won Man of The Series while Yusuf Pathan won Man of the Match for collecting 3 wickets and abusing Chennai for 56 off of 39. Sohail Tanvir won the "purple cap" which is either an award for collecting the most wickets for the season (22) or the headgear of his costume in his new afterschool special role as Sohail the Syphillis monster. All in all, really a great time. We do wish we had done a better time covering the league, and hopefully the 3 readers we had enjoyed what we did. In our defense, the IPL website itself hasn't been updated in about 4 days so how about you back the eff up. We promise to do a better job next year. Congrats to the Rajistan Royals, your IPL champs. Phir Mil teh hain, break keh baad(next year).

Your Occasional IPL Update

You may think that posting this feature three days in a row may seem antithetical to the use of the world "occasional" in the title. But really, what over the last 2 weeks could have convinced you that we know what we're doing? High ho, High Ho, to the recap we go....now with videographic evidence!


Thursday, May 15th
Hyderabad at Delhi
Delhi win by 12 runs
A. Mishra 5 wickets for 17 runs, hat-trick

Leading by 14 runs going into the final over, Daredevils captain Virender Sehwag decided to put the game in the ever so silky fingers of Amit Mishra. And oh did young Amit come through. The leg spinner had himself a hat-trick on the first three balls of the over and gave up a measly two runs off the final three. The hat-trick was the second recorded in the inaugural season of the IPL, coming just 5 days after Lakshmipathy Balaji had his against Punjab, which I imagine, must feel like being the first guy to date Jessica Simpson post-Nick Lachey. An undoubtedly impressive accomplishment, but you know, not the same thing. Amit had 5 wickets in all for 17 runs. Game notes: Delhi - Ben Affleck (DNP-Coaches Decision).

Here's Amit's final over:



Friday's Game:
Kolkata at Mumbai

STANDINGS

Teams	Played	Won	Lost	Points	Net Run Rate
	9	7	2	14	+0.592
	9	6	3	12	+0.458
	10	6	4	12	-0.203
	9	5	4	10	+0.619
	10	5	5	10	+0.331
	8	4	4	8	-0.056
	10	2	8	4	-0.380
	9	2	7	4	-1.381

Your Occasional IPL Update

Of course the day after I change the name of this feature to ease pressure on myself, I actually find the time to post back to back days. I'm a unique, delicate flower, don't question my judgment. Aur yeh leh laalchi kaameene, yeh aye tere games....


Wednesday, May 14th
Chennai at Mumbai
Mumbai wins by 9 Wickets
S. Jayasuriya 114 off 48 not out


I don't know if Sanath Jayasuriya is married, but if I were Mrs. Jayasuriya I would find it prudent to heed the advice (link extremely NSFW, but oh so worth it. Honestly don't click here if you want to have a productive day at work. You'll keep coming back. It's infectious! I can't recommend it enough.) of R&B superstar Riskay. Sanath got all sorts of filthy on the Chennai bowling attack knocking in 114 runs off of only 48 deliveries to help Mumbai to an easy victory. Super Kings bowler Albie Morkel got abused for 44 runs while irrefutable child spelling bee champion Chamara Kapugedera gave up 26 runs off just 5 balls. He was seen after the game filing the paperwork to officially change his name to "a stripper hoe named Diamond".

Thursday's Game:
Hyderabad at Delhi

STANDINGS

Teams	Played	Won	Lost	Points	Net Run Rate
	9	7	2	14	+0.592
	9	6	3	12	+0.458
	10	6	4	12	-0.203
	9	5	4	10	+0.619
	9	4	5	8	+0.291
	8	4	4	8	-0.056
	9	2	7	4	-0.352
	9	2	7	4	-1.381

Your Occasional IPL Update

See? All it took was a slight change in the title of this feature and now I don't feel the pressure to constantly update. This new found freedom's kinda nice. I think I'm gonna go for that extra level of comfort and post shirtless. Oooh that's breezy. On to the games!


Saturday, May 10th

Punjab at Chennai
Chennai wins by 18 Runs
L. Balaji 5 for 24 including first hat-trick in IPL history

Chennai Super Kings fast-bowler and internationally renowned ladies man, Lakshmipathy Balaji made the girlies squeal with a sexy sexy outing. His 5 for 24 was the second best performance in this inaugural season of the IPL, best only by Sohail Tanvir's 6 for 24. Balaji's day included dismissals of Pathan, Chawla and VRV Singh in successions for the ever hat-trick in the history of the IPL. Although the loss undoubtedly hurt her feelings, Punjab co-owner somehow found the strength to remain adorable.


Sunday, May 11th

Kolkata at Hyderabad
Kolkata wins by 23 runs
S. Ganguly 91 runs off of 57 balls

Saurav Ganguly had 91 runs off of 57 balls while also collecting 2 wickets for 25 runs in an all-round performance reminiscent of Diane Lane's work in Unfaithful. For the record she managed to be regular hot, milfy hot, hot in a good actress type of way. Knight Riders co-owner Shahrukh Khan displayed his pleasure over the victory by eviscerating 4 pillows.

Delhi at Rajistan
Rajistan wins by 3 wickets
Shane Watson 74 off 40 balls

League leading Rajistan found a way to win another close game with 5 balls to spare. Man o' the match Shane Watson had 74 runs while also collecting 2 wickets for 29 runs. The Daredevils put up a good fight but the game served as a microcosm of the frustrating 4-4 season it's been for Delhi. Honestly, 4-4 is unacceptable for a team from the capital. Seriously Daredevils, where do you think this is? Dheradhun? Am I right or am I right people?

Monday, May 12th

Bangalore at Punjab
Punjab Wins!!

Umm, the IPL website for some reason isn't providing me with details about this game so I will do what any responsible recapper would do. Speculate! I'm guessing Punjab hit a six on the last ball to cap an exciting game that ended at 350-351 in Punjab's favor. Co-owner Preity Zinta was charged with larceny of my dil.


Tuesday, May 13th

Delhi at Kolkata
Kolkata wins by 23 runs
Shoaib Akhtar, 4 for 11

Making his much anticipated debut, Knight Rider fast-bowler, and notorious malfeasant Shoaib Akhtar had an impressive day collecting 4 wickets while allowing 11 runs in only 3 overs of work. Akhtar, or "Shoabby" as he is referred to by many a romantically disorientated* youths in Peshawar, managed to live up to the hype created by his sudden expulsion by the Pakistani Cricket Board. And because I've made this a bit, here are your Shah Rukh Pillow Stats for the night: 2 from the thrill of victory. 3 for the heat generated by the Rawalpindi Express.

*The term "Romantically Disorientated" is a registered trademark of Bihari Shabab and the mysterious F.M.

Wednesday's Games:
Chennai at Mumbai

STANDINGS

Teams	Played	Won	Lost	Points	Net Run Rate
	9	7	2	14	+0.592
	9	6	3	12	+0.458
	9	6	3	12	+0.104
	9	5	4	10	+0.619
	9	4	5	8	+0.291
	7	3	4	6	-0.455
	9	2	7	4	-0.352
	9	2	7	4	-1.381

Your Daily IPL Update

Your Daily IPL Update is supposed to be recapped everyd..you know what...back off me man. I've got actual work to do. You will get your update when I say you will and you will like it. On to the games.....


Wednesday, May 7th
Rajistan at Mumbai:
Mumbai wins by 7 Wickets
A. Nehra (Mumbai) 3 wickets for 13 runs

The Mumbai Indians seemed eager to take on league leading Rajistan to show off what the most expensive team money can buy is really capable of. Limiting the Royals to a paltry 103 runs in 16.2 overs, the Indians rode the early momentum to a pretty easy win. Ashish Nehra had 3 wickets for 13 runs for Mumbai while it was more of a "pre-Jadoo Koi Mil Gaya Hrithik" performance for Sohail Tanvir. The lefty gave up a respectable 13 runs in 3.1 overs but had no wickets and was heartbroken as Punjab XI Kings' co-owner Preity Zinta revealed that she can only be with him if he retains his special powers.

Thursday, May 8th
Chennai at Delhi
Chennai wins by 4 wickets on the last ball
G. Ghambir(Delhi) 80 runs off 49 balls

Super King Subramaniam Badrinath lofted the final delivery by Shoaib Malik just barely out of the reach of Shikar Dhawan to bring home the winning run in one of the more exciting matches so far in this inaugural season. Malik gave up 13 runs in the final over including a six and a 4 to Madhu Goni. Gautam Ghambir had 80 for The Daredevils but it was in a losing effort so it was pretty inconsequential, kind of like Katie Holmes' nude scene in "The Gift".

Thursday, May 8th
Bangalore at Kolkata
Kolkata wins shortened 16 over game by 5 runs
Boucher(Bangalore) 50 runs-not out

The Knight Riders of Kolkata came together as a team to put behind the controversy that erupted earlier this week, mostly in my head, regarding co-owner Shahrukh Khan's haww scene that we discovered on youtube, to beat the Royal Challengers of Bangalore. Dale Steyn had 3 wickets for 27 runs for Bangalore while teammate Mark Boucher had a match high 50. And they still lost. No some people will say that Bangalore lose because they scored fewer runs in the alloted time. I say never doubt the pillow eviscerating powers of a Shahrukh Khan nude scene on the psyche of the scoreboard. I didn't watch the game but I'm 75% sure the scoreboard willed itself to change the score out of fear that video Shahrukh's nether regions would be played on it's big screens.

Friday, May 9th
Rajistan at Hyderabad
Rajistan wins by 8 wickets
S. Warne(Rajistan) 2 wickets for 20 runs

Nothing exciting happened in this game. Trust me. Leave me alone I'm tired.


Saturday's Games
Punjab @ Chennai

STANDINGS

Teams	Played	Won	Lost	Points	Net Run Rate
	8	6	2	12	+0.605
	7	5	2	10	+0.442
	8	5	3	10	-0.001
	7	4	3	8	+0.654
	7	3	4	6	+0.461
	7	3	4	6	-0.455
	8	2	6	4	-0.240
	8	2	6	4	-1.309

Your Daily IPL Update

Your daily IPL update is supposed to be recapped...err..daily. Except on those nights that we stay up late to watch "Training Day" in Spanish on Telemundo because we figure the censorship standards are tamer in honor of Cinco Di Mayo and get to work too late to work on your blog. Anyway, here's an Andy Samberg inspired IPL Update:

Monday, May 5th:
It's My Duck in a Box
It was a fiesta in Bangalore on Monday night and the main course was duck. Either the Punjab XI Kings are on a low carb diet or they're fiending for some protein as they helped themselves to 5 servings of Bangalore Royal Challenger ducks which must be an IPL record because I'm too lazy to do the research on this. Certain future multiple time BihariShabab BC of the Week, and Punjab bowler Sreesanth had two wickets, gave up 16 runs, and could barely contain his calm in the field as he fantasized about all the possible plot lines of the upcoming Sex and The City Movie.

Tuesday, May 6th:
It's My Deccan a Box
The Deccan Charges of Hyderabad traveled to Chennai to take on the Super Kings and comfortably got in that ass. Adam Gilchrest had 54 runs for the Chargers who won by 7 wickets. With a win Chennai would would have found themselves at the top of the IPL standings but the loss keeps them at 4th. And so it's another week of 3rd tier item Bollywood Item number girl groupie love for Dhoni.

STANDINGS

Teams	Played	Won	Lost	Points	Net Run Rate
	6	5	1	10	+0.746
	7	5	2	10	+0.442
	6	4	2	8	+0.856
	7	4	3	8	-0.005
	6	2	4	4	+0.537
	7	2	5	4	-0.011
	6	2	4	4	-0.982
	7	2	5	4	-1.426

Your Daily IPL Update

In an attempt to bridge the gap with our desi fathers so that we may one day convince him to allow us to marry a Gori*, we here at BihariShabab have decided to throw ourselves in to the exciting new 20/20 Cricket Indian Premier League. In the coming weeks we will be looking at all the teams and recapping all of the games from here on out. This space will be updated daily with scores, stats, standings, commentary and updates on our burgeoning relationship with our fathers that will soon be the inspiration for a major motion picture by Sanjay Leela Bansali. On to the games....
Sunday, May 4th:

Mumbai Defeats Delhi by 29 Runs:
Proving once again that they are perhaps the "Indianest" of all the Indian teams in the Indian Premier League, the Mumbai Indians defeated the Daredevils of Delhi by 29 runs. In a display of his Indian mardaangi that would make the Sunni Deol proud, Ashish Nehra collected 3 wickets for 25 runs for the Indians, singularly beat down the forces of terrorism by the power of his sheer patriotism and cunning, and found the time for a romantic subplot with Shilpa Shetty. Verinder Sehwag had 40 runs in the losing effort.


Sohail To The Chief:
Rajistan Royal bowler Sohail Tanvir got his Lebron James on all up on the Chennai Super Kings in the most one-sided battle between monarchs since Henry VIII took on the head of Anne Boleyn. Tanvir had 6 wickets for 14 runs in 4 overs while also being on the receiving end of 2 Munaf Patel wickets as Rajistan defeated Chennai by 8 wickets. The 6 wicket take is a record for an IPL game and has replaced Zaara Hayaat Khan's bewitchment of Officer Veer Pratap Singh as the most impressive performance by a Pakistani national on Indian soil.

Monday's Games:
Bangalore Royal Challengers @ Punjab Kings XI

Standings:

Teams	Played	Won	Lost	Points	Net Run Rate
	6	5	1	10	+0.734
	6	4	2	8	+0.857
	6	4	2	8	+0.385
	6	4	2	8	+0.241
	6	2	4	4	+0.123
	6	2	4	4	-0.382
	6	2	4	4	-1.207
	6	1	5	2	-0.100

*The term Gori is not limited to women of Caucasian heritage but is a general term that encompasses any non-desi entity including African American, Latina, Asian or Pacific Islander, Eastern European, and whatever the amalgamation of Nationalities that Lana Lang from Smallville is.